Girlfriend is a recovering anorexic.

[MPhoenix92]

My girlfriend is a recovering anorexic. She still has the thoughts and tendencies, and still does whatever she can to maintain a gross intake below 500 calories per day. I have been trying to push those numbers up, and every month or so, her cycle helps me out by making her appetite totally insatiable. She, however, still maintains her thoughts and tendencies. She is under the impression that she is fat (she is 5' 2" and 120 pounds, 25 inch waist), which is not the case, and she doesn't eat breakfast. She also claims that her disorder stems from control issues, meaning that if I were to attempt to excercise control in attempting to help, it would only make things worse.

I compliment her, I give her pep talks, I get her to eat as often as possible, however none of these seem to be working toward the ultimate goal of shedding her diseased thoughts and tendencies and becomming truly healthy.

I don't know what else to do to help, and I feel as though things could eventually get much worse if I can't help her get better.

What can I do?

[sweetchik108]

Try having a date night each week where you switch off going to your favorite places to eat. I find that when I am with my boyfriend, I tend not to care so much about feeling full because I am enjoying myself just being near him that it distracts me from my foul thoughts of purging or not eating too much. Maybe if she feels like she is with a safe person like yourself whom loves her, she won't be so squirmy when the whole point of going to a restaurant is to eat. Don't do buffets though...huge trigger for ED (Eating disorder) sufferers.

[Mia888888888]

You're so right, I am 5ft 7, my lowest weight was 84lbs. People drawing attention to it just set me off. Just letting your girlfriend know whatever she eats you won't judge her for it helps. I battled it alone because I knew it was all a matter of control and deep down it was controlling me. Let her come round alone. But truly her body and any in recovery can't truly recover without at least 2500 cals a day sedementary or 3500 for exercise. 2-5% of the population are naturally under 20 bmi. Let her know she's not alone, but really what life will she have? What fun is it really? Ask her if she truly wants to be like that forever. If she says of course not, tell her its time to start fighting.

[MPhoenix92]

Thats what I'm doing. Just trying to make her as happy as possible. Somehow though it seems like I'm not doing as well as I should be. I don't seem to represent what will make her happiest (she likes the hardcore underground concert life, and I've never even been to one, drinking etc, and I've never been, nor do I drink, etc). I don't know. I'll do everything that I can do.

[Chainsj]

I am 18 years old and a recovering anorexic. At my lowest weight I was 82lbs at 5ft 7. I was fully engrossed by the disease from the age of 13 to the age of 16. I never got help and i was always naturally slim so nobody really noticed. I got over it myself and decided if i didn't dcu, i would literally die. Right now, i weigh 115lbs which is still very slim for my height but i am healthy. I still have the mindset of an anorexic and battle with my desire to not eat everyday. I make sure i eat 1600 calories a day although some days i eat under 1000. I think it's all to do with my life and right now, Im quite lonely so i tend to not eat. A few months ago i was extremely happy and was eating lots and wasn't even counting calories! It's hard to explain how it feels to those with normal healthy minds. Try to make her happy and support her, that's all you can do. Hope this helps.

[MPhoenix92]

The thing is, she's not going to see a counselor or a psychologist. Are there any things that I can do myself to help here? Joining a support group for myself isn't going to help her either.

[lanvin]

Join a support group for people that have loved ones with eating disorder, don't mention it alot, it makes it worse, she will have to be the one to change everything, she really needs to be seeing a counselor.

[slcalex]

I'm in the same boat. I had been dating a girl for about 2 months and things were going really really well but I still felt like she was holding back something. LIke she couldn't fully commit. She even tried to break up with me twice. Finally the second time she broke down and told me about her eating disorder.  She is 29 and has been bulemic and anorexic since she was 12.  About a year ago she went through a 3 month intreatment for it and gained weight back and was doing better. About that same time she was getting done with that her Ex broke up with her for another girl they were friends with. So now her eating disorder is also linked to not being loved and she feels like it pushed away people that care about her.  
So it's been a month since she told me about this now. Things have been up and down. She is definitely not recovering now though. SHe is backsliding and it effects her mood and energy levels every day. To top it off my lifestyle is not the best for her to be around I think. I've been a personal trainer and still do it on the side. I love to workout and am about 6% bodyfat but eat healthy. I worry that this is leading to more problems because she feels like she doesn't look as good as me. I also worry about working out with her because I know that she is not getting in the calories that she needs.  
It's not an easy thing to do man.

[MPhoenix92]

I kinda wish someone would help me here.