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I know I have asked befor but I'm still not sure do you think I have an eating disorder???

I know I've posted here befor asking the same qestion but I'm still not sure. And it only seems to be getting more intense.

Do you think I have an eating disorder???

Since June I have lost 17 pounds and I have 7 pounds to go until I reach my goal. But then I'm going to move on to my second goal and lose 4 more pounds then to my thrid goal and lose 8 more and whichever comes after that.

My first goal is 132 because that's the lowest I can go and be healthy for my height. But then I went on a BMI calculated and if said the lowest I can go is 128 so that's my second goal and my third goal is 120 because well I just think that's a good number that won't be to hard to get to from 128 once I get there.

I did try starvation for 2 days in the summer but stoped when I read somewhere that it slows your matabalizm down so I would just gain weight in the long run and I don't want to gain weight cuz I'm petrefied if gaining weight. Last time I gained weight I gained 5 pounds and it made me litterly want to die. I've since lost weight though.

Then for 2 weeks in the summer I sarted doing this exercise for am hour with as many layers on so I could sweat more and I pushed myself as hard as I could but I had to stop that because the thing I was using stopes working and I never really got back to it.

A month or so ago in class a kid brought in grape soda but I didn't see it as grape soda I saw it as a bottle of fat. Same when one of my teachers brought out cookies I just saw backed circles of fat. I don't eat snacks anymore because I'm petrefied of faint weight.

I also have myself taking 2 gums next semester so I can lose weight. And I just recently started drinking alotmofmwater because I know if you drink enough water you litterly pee your weight off

It really bugs me because my mum and sister keep telling menim to skinny and to stop losing weight but I don't think I'm skinny at all my stomach is discusting. And I refuse to stop losing weight. I feel if I'm not losing weight I'll be gaining weight. Though I know I have lost weight even though when I look in the mirror I don't feel like I have but I know I have because a dress I wanted to wear last year that was way to small on memos now to big on me.

Though there are days were when I look in the mirror I feel comfortable with my body but still all I can think about is losing more weight. It's addicting really. Like I said I feel if I'm not losing weigt I'm gaining weight.

I know my third goal of 120 is 12 pounds under weight for my height but I really don't care. I would rather be under weight and skinny then to be a healthy weight and just alright.

My mum has recently made memstart owning my own lunch which I am gals because now I dint have to take such a huge lunch. She would pack me a sandwhich a fruit a pudding cup a granola bar and juic box now that I pack my lunch I only pack myself a fruit granola bar and juic box. Half the time I dint eat the granola bar just the banana and juic box or if there's only oranges I just have the granola bar and juic box or just the juice box.

I feel better on an empty stomach more comfortable. One thing that makes menrealize I've lost weight is my bras are way to big on me now but still I don't care I am losing more weight. I want to be skinny and beautiful not average and ugly.  At first I started trying to lose weight because I felt weight was the only thing I could fix about myself. So it was for control but I find it controling me.

I do have severe depression so I know the 2 are linked. But I'm not sure if I should mention the whole weight thing to my councilor.

Your input is greatly appreciated thanks!
7 Responses
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1339332 tn?1329854366
Even though you are a good swimmer, Bran, if you had a cramp, the water current was extremely strong due to heavy spring snow melts, or something else caused you to be unable to escape a whirlpool in the water, you would be glad when a lifeguard was there to help you. If you refused and tried to fight the water all by yourself even though it was too strong for you, you may have moments when you thought you were getting the upper hand and could escape, but in all likelihood, you would become more and more tired and weaker and weaker until you were pulled under. It may be that the lifeguard is no better swimmer than you are---but because s/he isn't trapped in the whirlpool, s/he may have a view of a tree branch to grab onto that you can't see...or may be able to run to get a rope...or simply may have more energy and strength because s/he hasn't been struggling in the whirlpool and thus comes with fresh strength or life-saving aids the person trapped in the water can't see or obtain for themselves.

You need a lifeguard to help you escape the whirlpool of depression. It is too strong for you---and for most people who have struggled with such a severe case for as long as you have---to fight alone. You MUST get help to support you as you repair your body image and self-esteem. Picture a house that is built on a weak foundation. Will putting a coat of paint on it repair it? No! It needs a carpenter to come in and repair broken joists and beams and a mason to repair the foundation. Putting on a coat of paint is just a temporary, cosmetic procedure; the house may look better for a while, and if houses had feelings, that may make it feel better---but with time, it won't be able to withstand the rain and wind and snow and it will realize that the paint was not a real fix and it will fall down. Losing weight for you, Bran, is a temporary fix. It may make you feel better for short periods, but when family troubles, mean kids at school, critical teachers, bad grades or other "storms" hit, you realize that you need help repairing you problems INSIDE and that losing weight isn't really a fix.

I know that it is scary. I know that you are afraid of your parents', and especially your Mom's, reactions if they find out about your depression. But what if the homeowner was too afraid to call the carpenter because the carpenter because he wasn't sure if the carpenter would tell him the house was beyond repair or would cost too much to fix or because he may yell at him for not fixing it sooner? His house would fall down. You NEED to get indepth, one-on-one, professional counseling from a therapist, Bran, Otherwise, you will collapse. You MUST be brave enough to take whatever risks are necessary: going to a hospital emergency room, telling your school counselor, going to your doctor---even if they are required to tell your Mom. You can tell them how afraid you are of her reaction. You can ask them to be with you when you tell her. You can ask them how to communicate better with her to help her to support you or, if she is unable to do so as you fear, you can ask them to help you find a setting where you can get the support you need. You can ONLY do this, however, if you seek the the help you need BEFORE you feel so hopeless that you do something permanent to harm yourself as you have considered/tried before. You MUST be BRAVE. YOU must decide that you want to live and that you are willing to reach out for the help you need.

You are not alone, Bran. Two days ago, our local paper ran an article that said that a survey of all the high schoolers in our state showed that 24% (that's almost 1 in 4) were sad and/or depressed. In one town---an upper middle-class town where most have nice houses, plenty of food, lots of recreational opportunities, etc.---more than 100 of the 1133 kids questioned said they'd attempted suicide in the past year. That's 9%. So LOTS of kids your age are struggling, Bran. Do what you need to get healthy and save your life. Then use your music---or whatever skills God gave you---to serve as an example to these kids and help them to see that it's not hopeless, that their houses---and hearts and bodies---can be fixed IF they reach out to the people who know how to support them and help them do the repairs.

We've been talking for a long time now, Bran. I'm not going to bore you anymore by saying the same things over & over & over or begging you to get help. You know what I think of your situation and you know what I think you need to do. I really like you. I think, when you are feeling better and more positive, that you are funny, charming and interesting. I think you have a purpose in the world and it would be a shame if you didn't live to serve out that purpose. You have a strong faith in God. Surely, along the way of your religious education, you've been told that you are a "Temple" in which God lives. I hope that you choose to fix that Temple before it falls for lack of an expert carpenter, mason or therapist.

"Sky"
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I want to mention my body image issues and weight issues with my consilor but I'm scared if I do she won't let me lose anymore weight. So I won get to be skinny. I was actualy qite comfortable with my body for a week but now it's back worse then every right now everything is in full blown power the hate for my body and losing weight and depression. Their both getting worse everyday. I had my self fooled I kept telling myself I was getting better and I had myself convinced but I was wrong getting worse more and more symptoms of depression are kicking in I'm becoming more and more obsessed with weight loss even though it seems the more weight I lose the more my ribs hurt but I don't care because like I said I will do anything to be skinny! This while weight thing all started so I could fix INS area if my life and have some control but I don't feel fixed and I feel as if I have the smallest amount of control I ever have and that I'm just pirating down faster and faster. I'm stuck in a wurl pool of pain and self hate and it doesn't help that everyones been snapping on latly like my whole class snapped on mentor like 10-15 minutes in Wednesday and he teatcher didn't do anything about it. My family keeps snapping on me. I'm not even doing anything to deserve these snaps. And when they snap on me it leaves me in a terrible mood there for I star concentrating how much I hate myself and how fat I am and what a failure I am.

I dint what to do I need out of this wurl pool but I can't because I want so bad to be skinny. I hate this!
Helpful - 0
1339332 tn?1329854366
We've discussed it for months and in detail, Bran. You have a very inaccurate, disturbed body image. In fact, not just your body image, but your entire self-image. And this is leading to unnecessary dieting that is on the verge of---if not already---an eating disorder. Just in talking to you for so long, I know that you are a kind, spiritual person, Bran, but you dismiss those good points and focus only on your weight, shape or size. You are soooo much more than that! PLEASE, get the help you need to discover what a great person you are and what great things you were created to accomplish.

MaryAnn ("Sky")
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am 5 foot 10 and 139 pounds and I know it's stupid but part of me want to be underweight stupid I know but I don't know any other way to think. My goal keeps going lower and lower and it scares me because once I make a decision to do something I don't stop. I'm stuburn in that way.  

And I don't over eat later in the day either. I usualy have as little as my mum will let me.

Anyways go to go do dishes so I guess I'm done this reply for now
Helpful - 0
1460637 tn?1291154788
I think you probably do have an eating disorder. It is always good to eat snacks, never let yourself go hungry, don't overexcercise. And by the way...soda doesn't have fat in it. I've eat them in moderation. I was reading something that said I think...60 percent of people who don't eat snacks tend to overeat later in the day. And what you describe as a "huge lunch" is  a good sized lunch to have.

If you are trying to lose weight, and I don't know how tall you are but I'm 5 foot 5 and the amount of calories I would have to eat daily to lose weight is between 1600 and 1800. If you are eating less than 1300 in a day, that is a problem.

The average person should have about 2000 calories in a day, more or less depending on height and excercise level. Now think: if you had 3 meals (breakfast lunch and dinner) of 500 calories each, that's 1500 calories, which leaves some room for snacking in between meals if you get hungry.

You don't have to be skinny to be beautiful. I'm sure you are beautiful just the way you are :-) But have you seen some girls whose hip bones jut out and they have practically no fat on their legs and you can see their rib cages? That's what could happen to you. And it most certainly does NOT look beautiful.

I have a friend who is 5 foot 4 and she weighs around 115 or 120 (not sure) and she looks great. I know you can't just be talked out of anorexia or bulemia in a couple paragraphs, but I feel very strongly about the topic, and I want to help people :) I hope I helped!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks ya I can at least see myself heading down that road if I'm not already on it. wich is scary but part of me doesn't care it just wants to be skinny and it will do anything for it. I know that's stupid but it's just how I have become.

When I was in grade 9 my goal was to lose 4 pounds and I did without even having to think about it and I forgot about my weight for 2 years actually in that time I had a very good self-esteem I loved my body and would find myself lecturing myself to try and not be conceited about it.
Then august 15th 2009 my brother was hit by a truck and killed which sent me spiraling down into depression which lead to me attempting suicide 5 times  and after almost a year of getting worse
everyday I decided that my weight is the only thing about me that I can fix so decided to lose weight. Then I found a weight chart on the Internet and it said for my height 132 is the lowest I can go so that became my goal. I am only 7 away but I still have my second and 3rd goal after that goal so technically I have 19 pounds to go but that's discouraging so for now I'm stickig with 7 pounds tell my original goal.

I remember in the summer when I starved myself for 2 days I would try and wear clothes that maremma feel fat to motivate myself.

And yes losing weight is addicting I can tell that already. Like when I look in the mirror and I actualy feel comfortable but still all I can think about is how to lose more weight.

I think when losing weight really became intense for me was in June when I realized I lost 6 pounds and since then losing weight is pretty much the only thing I can think of. I had break from it somewhat for a week but then the fact that I wasent thinking about it popes in my head and made menthink about it again because I was scared I wasent being strict enough so I was scared I was going to gain weight and still am. Plus knead idoling at 140 for 3 weeks so that really bugged me. So ya it is addicting.

I want to be able to just forget about trying to be a perfect weight but I can't because the want to be skinny over powers it and tells me that once I lose the weight I'll be happy and forget about it even though I know that's not true. So ya I want to stop but I can't because I want to much to be skinny and beautiful. And I'm willing to do anything to be skinny and beautiful beside starve myself, puke or take diet pills. I won't starve because it will slow my matabalizm down and make me gain weight in the long run, I won't puke because the stomach acids could ruin my dream to sing and I won't take diet pills because well because I feel that would be abusing diet pills plus those also slow your matabalizm down so I here anyways.

But otherwise I am willing to do anything wich scares me but the want to be skinny is strong for memto care long enough to stop. It makes me so ashamed! :(
Helpful - 0
1493843 tn?1309256719
well as someone who has an eating disorder, i would have to say going by what you wrote yes it sounds as if you have anerexia,  if my stomach is empty then im having a good day. it is very addicting thats how it starts out just let me loose two pound then 10 than 20 and so on  i v dealt with this for 13 yrs and im tired of it but i feel im loosing this battle i can never seem to get it right    i got better for a short amunt of time   and at the end  of july i weighed 130  then in sept i went to the doc and weighed 123 and now im 105 . it dangerous we know what were doing is slowly killing us but its a cycle you just cant seem to get out of .   if your wanting to get better i say get it now because this will take over your life . if your content with your eating issues well then theres nothing really to say  im not going to lecture you  because i too am sick. and  can understand the behind the scenes so to speak of eating disorders :)     xxxxx
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