Obsession with weight

[Aumraix]

Hi, my name is Christmas. I'm 20 years old and I only want to know why I feel the way I do. I have been obsessed with my weight since I was five years old. Every minute of every day I am thinking about my body. I cant see people on the street as people. I see them as bodies. Collar and cheekbones, hips, legs. My mother was a model and suffered with eating disorders when I was younger. My younger sister has grown up to be stunning. I have always been short and rather plump. I am 5'2. I weigh 165 lbs and I can't stand it. I cant look in the mirror. I cant eat without hating myself more than I already do. I feel alone. Imperfect. And little. I dont know if its an eating disorder or just an aversion to my own being. I've been to therapy. It didn't help me to know that someone else thought turning me into smiling zombie was the answer. I want to feel better. I've tried being healthy, exercising, eating right and nothing happened. I tried starving but I got hungry. I've taken quite comfortably to bulimia and I'm scared. I don't want my little girl to think this is okay. I dont want her to envy. And I don't want to either. But I don't want to stop. I want to feel pretty. I want to feel in control of something and I don't know what to do.

[Maryjane1995]

I'm underweight. I think everyone with a weight issue feels similar to one another. I lost so much weight. I use to always be complimented, and get attentionn now everyone tells me Im too skinny. It really *****. I think we have to just first ge positives attitudes then try accoplishing our weight goals. I noticed every time I tried too hard, I ended out falling back into the same spot. Im pregnant now and I gained a little but Im still underweight. I think being upset causes our weight to become stable. When I get upset I lose my appetite therefore causing met to lose weight. My aunt is opposite. When she began losing weight but once her stresses returned she gained it all back.

[Aumraix]

I bounced to different therapists for about 6 years. Each one wanted to put me on antidepressants. I dont know if I just haven't found a good therapist or if they are just told to medicate everyone. Not one of them addressed my problems and were more interested in "curing" something they couldn't have known I had.

[slightlycosmo]

You say you tried therapy and you didn't think turning you into a smiling zombie was the answer - what do you mean by that?  Do you mean the therapist just wanted to medicate you and move on?  If that's the case, consider trying a different therapist.  I've seen counselors at different points in my life for varying reasons, and some were great fits while others weren't.  The right match can make all the difference in the world!  Good luck!