Hi, I just read your story and can definitely empathize. I am a RN, and also a recovering anorexic and bulimic, for over a year now. All I can tell you is that I've been where you're at and it's a hard place to be. It is very important that your mother understands this, so perhaps showing her some websites on the dangers and realities of eating disorders may help. Bulimia can definitely take its toll on the body, which does put you at risk if you are racing. You could have fainting episodes, electrolyte abnormalities, or even heart problems. I remember that viscious binge/purge cycle. I wanted to stop so bad but I couldn't. For me school was the trigger and generally I only B/P while I was studying, which was all day, up to 10-15 times a day. I had sores on my mouths and hands from throwing up, was deadly thin, and couldn't stop. What I had to do was enter treatment (which was way too long in my oppinion-inpatient for 9 months, total treatment of a year). But all treatment did was help me to gain weight and stop the cycle. The mental changes I had to work on myself. Today, I can honestly say my body is perfect and just as it should be. I can eat what I want and when I want, and eat when I'm hungry and stop when I';m full. I don't count calories or fear foods anymore, I actually enjoy them. And really, I don't have any urges as I have so many other priorities now that I have my life back, I wouldn't even think of going back to the Hell from which I came. I can tell you it does get better, What worked for me was working the 12 steps. I was already a clean/sober member of NA, so I worked their steps. There is also Eating Disorders Anonymous and Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous, along with Overeaters Anonymous where often time bulimics do go. I had to accept that I have a disease, over which I'm powerless and is more powerful than I, and then surrender to the process of recovery. It took time, and I wasn't always happy at first, but looking back now it was all worth it as I wouldn't change a single thing about my life today. I got my life back. You can do it, and it's great you're taking initiative by coming here and thinking about counseling. A dietician may help as well. I trully send you my love, as I so remember being where you're at, and know how hard it is. This website is here anytime you need it. Best wishes :)
Hey Sara, sorry I forgot to ever reply to this. Thought I'd give you a little update, this helped a lot mentaly on making me feel like it was actually possible to reach the light at the end of the tunnel. :)
After weeks of breakdowns with parents I finally had them convinced that I needed to quit ski racing and get ahold of myself. I am now enrolled back into public school and hanging out with friends. I replaced ski racing with afterschool track to meet new people that I had more in common with and began skiing for fun with people I hadn't been able to ski with in years. I have been bulimia free for 5 weeks today and am seeing a counselor once a week to help teach me skills on how to react in healthy ways in negative situations. I have been able to stay home alone for a couple hours several times without turning to food which is a big accomplishment and will be happy to say that I have been "binge" sober for my 18th birthday which is on thursday :). Currently I'm a little underweight and my next goal is to gain some weight in order to be the active person I am without any health issues. Again thanks for your contribution and I hope you have a great spring! :)
Congratulations on your 5 weeks of freedom from your eating disorder! What a releif that is, not having to worry about bingeing and purgeing everyday, where to get the food, how , to purge secretly, the energy it takes from you, the damage to your throat and teeth. I'm also glad you were able to talk to your mom and open up and start seeing a counselor. I admire you for tackling this young, I stated trying to recover from anorexia at 12, from bulimia at 21, and now have be free from all active addictions-all I know at least- for over year.It's nice to not worry about my body image now and to honestly not care about how others think of my appearance. It's trully freeing. Those teen years were though though as body image and stress are right out there. I trully hope you will continue to remain clean :) one day at a time. That's what helped me, taking it one day, each day, sometimes even minute by minute. Staying busy did help me, but I had to be careful to not neglect to nutrition, especially if I was exercising a lot, like you are. I also found that by focusing on the positives of being clean helped, as when I started to get in the negatives about my life it led me back to that obsession of the eating disorders to provide releif for my stress. I just continued to play the tape player over and over remembering where that first binge and purge would take me-right back off where it left me; misery and hell and trapped in te compulssion. But now that I'm "clean" I have a choice to not do that first binge/purge, for as we say "One is too many, and a thousdand is never enough". Glad you wrote back and are doing well. Take care, and I'm still sending loving thoughts and best wishes your way!