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Avatar universal

Sleep loss and binging

Hi
I still haven't managed to address my unhealthy eating behaviors.
I can't really get my head around anything at the moment due to stress and sleep deprivation.
I'm guessing with the above factors I've regressed to previous levels of behavior.  While before I was 'over-eating with insight', as my T would say, it's now straight hand-mouth.
I don't really understand the emotional issues, I only feel that I am reacting to issues from several weeks/ months ago.
I have been feeling quite agitated and I'm guessing probably close to psychotic at times.

My GP gave me some lorazepam to help with anxiety and sleep.  I don't think they've been particularly useful.
At night when I feel distressed I feel like taking them all.  Or worse.

Do you have any suggestions on how to get some sleep?  I'm feeling extremely desperate.
I made the decision to drive the four hours each day to the hospital for treatment.  I figured at least at home I might sleep.  I can't afford to fall asleep while driving though.

Eat, not sleep, eat, not sleep, eat, eat, eat ...  I'm getting extremely frustrated with myself and my situation.

Jackie
2 Responses
242532 tn?1269553979
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
I am sorry to hear you are going through a bad part of the cycle...the only way to get sleep is to get back into your insight work because dampening everything down with food isn't going to work for very long...I would be hesitant to suggest any medication at night with the driving schedule you outlined...and wonder whether you shouldn't rethink your decision and start sleeping at the hospital until you get through this episode.
Avatar universal
Thanks for your concern.  I finished radiation treatment today.  Physically I'm fine.  I'm tired and have some burns but other than that I'm OK.  Mentally I'm a mess.
I think the lack of sleep and stress from trying to relate to people took a toll.  I think seeing the doctor who threatened me with ect also negatively affected me.  It also didn't help to have an elderly gentleman continuously ask me if I knew the chemist who hung himself.  Or have a lady in her 90's wanting to give me golf lessons.
Maybe I really did need to go to their laughter classes.

I'm just feeling incredibly despondent and berating myself again.  I feel I am worthless and I feel like a failure.

The oncologist was really good to me.  I think I feel overwhelmed because I keep letting others and myself down.  She said she thought I had potential.  I feel like there are expectations I should be meeting and exceeding.
I'm just feeling overwhelmed by losses and my situation.  I feel hurt when I see other people laughing and playing, talking, working, relaxing, etc, etc.  Basic things most people take for granted.  I wonder if I'll ever achieve those or whether it's even possible.  I don't feel very optimistic.

I saw a psych registrar before coming home today.  She said she will write to my local mhs.
My GP never received any information from the mhs regarding the case conference held on the 20th February.  He asked for feedback and the psychologist said the doctor would write to him, but that is still outstanding.
I tried drafting a letter to the doctor and director of mental health but got stuck.  It evokes too many painful memories.
I contacted the district inspector for mental health and he is phoning tomorrow afternoon.  Hopefully this mess can be sorted out without creating more distress.
I have a GP appointment in the morning (with another doctor from within the practice).  Hopefully he can offer some direction.  I feel anxious because I've only really ever seen him when in crisis and then I've made extremely bad decisions.

Sorry I've digressed.  The food hasn't kept those emotions at bay (whatever they are).  I am now also confronted with the consequences of the binge eating.  (Which creates a lot of safety stuff for me).  I wish I wasn't so slow to acknowledge and address issues when they did arise.  I'm so fed up with this whole cycle and process.  I keep telling myself I am going to do it differently.

How can I think that when I'm also thinking about taking the remainder of the lorazepam with alcohol??

I need to tolerate negative affect just long enough to instigate change at this point.  A bit like putting a spanner in the works.  If I can cut back on the binging and the weight gain ...

I can't think.  This seems all to familiar.  Binge, restrict, ...

Why am I doing this to myself when I have your book here??
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