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Struggling with bulimia

Hi, I’m currently 16, and have been bulimic for 6 months now. My periods have been absent for a even longer time, which really concerns me. I know that the b/p cycle is really detrimental to your body, but I still keep going. I still have this nagging fear of becoming fat, and so I try to avoid eating too much. This leads to a huge binge, which always results in purging and feeling even more horrible about myself. Every solution tends to point towards gaining weight, and I understand the reasoning, except that fear of getting fat is becoming one of my largest priorities in life. I don’t want to really talk to a person close to me, because of how they would react. Right now I’m 5’4, and 105 lbs. The constant weighing and worrying about weight and food is taking a toll, and I know my body is suffering from these actions as well. How can I get better?
2 Responses
Avatar universal
Stop doing it.  Because this is a mental problem you're having, and haven't been able to stop, it's time to see a professional therapist who can help you do it.  As to weight, at your age, that shouldn't actually be a big problem for you now, but no matter what your age, the way to control weight is to eat properly, exercise and stay active -- walk or bike to where you're going rather than drive if it's near enough, etc.  People who have been studied over years and don't have obesity problems stay active even if they don't do formal exercise.  If you stay sedentary and eat poorly, you will gain weight.  If your family is full over overweight people, and people who eat poorly, you're going to have to just be different.  Peace.  
973741 tn?1342342773
Ah sweetie, this is hard stuff.  So, periods being absent . . . part of that is probably not just your eating disorder but that girls your age are often irregular.  And can be VERY irregular.  Shifts in routine and stress also compound that.  Anorexia does sometimes result in cessation of a period as does extremely low weight.

Are you purging?  That is a vicious cycle.  It's all so wrapped up in mental health.  My son is being evaluated for depression, anxiety and OCD and he is questioned each and every time regarding eating . Eating disorders are treated at the same clinic he goes to.  Body dysmorphic  disorder is real and is very similar to eating disorders.    https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/mental-health-body-dysmorphic-disorder   Those with eating disorders and BDD just do not see themselves based in reality and our telling them that they should doesn't just fix it.  I'm sorry you are going through this.  

Does your mom know about this situation?  Please, please tell her.  This is the key to overcoming it.  Treating bulemia does not mean 'getting fat'.  Here is information https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/eating-disorders/bulimia-nervosa/understanding-bulimia-treatment  Working with a nutritionist is helpful but a psychotherapist trained in eating disorders is essential.  CBT therapy can be very helpful.  Some have to take medication as well.  Your care providers will help determine the best course of therapy for you to overcome this.  But please know you can.  

I had a vicious cycle of something similar but didn't purge.  I binged and then starved and would also work out for hours a day.  It was very unhealthy.  I understand the thought process that goes into wanting desperately to be thin.  I broke that cycle.  I know you can too.  Please get support from your family as the first step.
3 Comments
Hey, thank you for your response. Over the last week, I have developed a more positive mindset towards myself, and tried to change my destructive behaviours. I really do feel better now, after I stop vomiting up my binges, and feeling guilty 24/7. I noticed that now, I tend to view food as calories and try to not eat too much. I don’t know if this is an improvement from my binging days or not.
Not eating much isn't a great improvement if you are still having a disordered relationship with food. It's great that you feel better with not vomiting, but you won't feel great not eating enough, either.

You need to talk to an adult about this. It won't be easy, and will probably be really scary, but you can do it. The only way out of this is treatment. If you can't talk to your mom, what about an older sibling or aunt or uncle? A friend's mom? A teacher?

I hope you do that. You deserve to get better.

Hi Lw208.  I'm glad you feel like things are better and baby steps count.  But I am still concerned.  Switching to calorie restriction is still part of an eating disorder. Do you track what happens with your eating, not eating, etc?  Like is there anything that triggers it?  I think it is going to be important to talk to a trusted adult about this.  
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