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Eating Disorders Community
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Avatar universal

Trying to stop

How many times i have told myself that this will be the last time that i binge and purge.  I am 38 and have had this disorder for most of my life.  It started when i was 15.  It has gotten worse in the last year or so.  I am out of control right now.  It seems like i have spent half of my life over the toilet.  I have started to take laxatives now.  I go out of my weight to buy foods that of course are high in calories, because i know i can get rid of it.  I have to get this under control or it is going to ruin my life.  I feel like it already has.
23 Responses
199177 tn?1490502134
Trying ,
You can get control of this it does not have to ruin your life . I started working on my ED at 28 and had it under control by 30 .it took two years to get to a healthy weight .I now stay right around 130
I work out 4 times a week an hour each time . I still have mental struggles with foods but least I don't live with the fear of dieing everyday now . There can be a better life for you. Feel free to e mail me if you would like my addy is on my profile.
Avis
Avatar universal
How did you get it under control?  Did you do it on your own?  I can't believe I can do this to my body.   I am in the Fitness industry, and i know the benefits of proper eating.  HOW DID YOU DO IT?  What kind of support system did you have?
199177 tn?1490502134
I saw a therapist and a nutritionist there was no inpatient care at the time in my area or I would have taken it .By the time I was 28 I was a little over 80 pnds I had two kids and i really thought I would die. I had to make up my mind to get better . I did it slow .You really need a support system
this is not something you can do all by yourself .
Avis
Avatar universal
I agree that this is something that can't be done on my own.  To compound the problem that I have been trying to cope with, I recently was layed off from my job of 9 years, one week shy of my ninth anniversary.  I was the perfect employee, no tardy's, write-ups or refereal, unexused absences at all.  I had a clean record, and all my evaluations were better than average.  I didn't make sense, and I have kinda went on a downhill slope since then.  I have opened up the my wonderful fiance, but he doesn't understand what I am really dealing with.  I was hoping that he could be my support system.  I don't have one.  I guess it is hard for an outsider who is "normal" to really understand what we are going thru.  I am without insurence now, and I would like to see a nutritionist and therapist.  I would like to just pour my heart out.  I wish to heavens that I could control this myself.  Thank you for talking with me. It helps.  I ate a healthy lunch yesterday, veggies and sweet potatoe, and then i felt like it wasn't enough, so I turned on the stove to heat up some water so I could binge on oatmeal, and I thought to myself "get up and turn it off"  I turned off the stove, and I left the house.  I always tell my self to get up and leave when I feel like you are getting to that point.  Yesterday it worked, but not always.  Thanks for listening.
199177 tn?1490502134
trying, yes even though both my hubby and my parents were around the whole time i was sick they really did not know what to do. they could not figure out why I just could not eat . It almost ruined my marriage I left for a while . I needed to get better for me. I did we were able to work it out but it
puts such a strain on a relationship.
   I would go almost a week at a time without eating I lived on cigarette's and coffee . When I did eat it would be at night when everyone was asleep and then I would binge cuz I was starving am very proud of you for eating healthy food yesterday and knowing when to stop, babysteps girl babysteps.
I strongly recommend therapy one on one ,group therapy for eating disorders is a VERY bad Idea. I am here to help .
Avis
Avatar universal
I so understand wot u going through, i will starve myself all day and then reward myself at night good luck, all i think about is how to avoid food, so it does not interfere with my eating plan, which is safe foods i regard, i go to the gymn push myself on the treadmill see i have burnt 1000 calories and then treat myself! good luck!
Avatar universal
Personal question....... did ur periods stop, i have not been on a period for 5mths since giving birth! i have been bottle feeding no breast milk, cld it be that i am the only person that lost weight after giving birth and a further 7lbs after that! i wish...i cld wake up and change! already i am thining of tomorrow and how to avoid a social gathering!
199177 tn?1490502134
yes they did then never really got better to tell ya the truth I was able to have two kids one before my ED one during (but it took be two years of trying, surgery, and clomid). I have since had to have a hysterectomy when i was 33 .
avis
Avatar universal
Avatar universal
I wouldn't think of group therapy.  I didn't have a good day yesterday.  It was really bad.  When all was said and done, I just layed on my couch and cried like a baby wondering why I do this to my body.  I do have to get help or I am going to really do my body harm.  Worse than i already am.  I don't have some of the symptoms, like knuckle scarring, bad teeth, but I don't have any idea what the inside of me is thinking.  I am so proud of you that you overcame your ED, which from the way it sounds was Anorexia and Buliam?  Sometimes I get so sick thinking, I wish that I could hate food and starve myself.  I hate myself for thinking that, knowing how many women have that disorder, and they die from it.  All I can say is that i am glad that i can pour my heart out to someone who really knows what I am going thru.  Did your husband and parents worry about you?  Did they actually know what you were going thru, and did they try to help.  I teach 7 fitness classes a week.  I love working out and motivating others, but if they only knew what i did behind closed doors.  How much therapy did you do?  HOw long did you see a therapist.  

Best wishes,

Me
Avatar universal
Thanks for you comment.  The thing is for me is that I will go out of my way to eat something just so i  can get rid of it.  I am so sick of this, i want to just throw all of the food away.  I do that sometimes.  I throw away stuff that i have been binging on just so I won't want to eat it.  I am waisting my life, money, and energy.  I spend money on a protein smoothie, I bring the whey protein, which is quite spendy, I know it is good for my body, but it just wont stay down.  Everything that I eat wants to come up.  I know that I am very sick, but you couldn't tell it from the outside.  Thanks for listening.  How long have you had you ED?  Have you sought help?

Me
199177 tn?1490502134
Trying ,
the scariest part of this is that your not just harming your body your putting yourself at risk of death .
Death that is one of the realities . This is what really kind of forced me to get better . I had two kids that needed a mom . I was not ready to die. I saw a therapist for about a year .Then I took the skills I had learned and did the rest on my own. For my 30th birthday as a gift I got all of my upper teeth crowned . I however did not do it until I was sure i was never going back down this road .
  My parents and my hubby wanted to help but they could not understand why I could not just eat .
     Today I get to go to the Fair with my family and I am really looking forward to the treats i will have today .I used to dread going anywhere around food ,it was the enemy . Now it nourishes me it makes me strong and gives me energy.
Avis
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