Sorry that nobody wrote back to you, I just saw this. Maybe it slipped down the list and got past the first screen.
Anyway, I do hope you did reach out for professional help. Eating disorders are not the easiest issue in all of mental-health counseling, but they are not the hardest ones either. Please explain to your regular doc what has been going on, and ask him or her to locate you a counselor that specializes in eating disorders in particular. I think the fact that you wrote in here shows you want to get past of it -- there's such a thing as being so sick and tired of an issue that you finally find the motivation to reach out and begin the process of solving it. Again, I'm sorry nobody wrote you. Please see your doc if you haven't.
Hello dear. How are things since June when you wrote this? I danced with the same things you are for many years long ago. It's hard. I did become much healthier in terms of my relationship with food, exercise and my body. I know that food control is PART of an eating disorder but it did help me. I planned when to eat and what. And it was normal times and normal portions, healthy options. I stuck to my plan. It helped me get into a habit of this. Do you have distorted imaging of your own body? Others say you are thin and yet you see otherwise? And our media certainly doesn't help with so much emphasis on thinness. That's just not the norm for most people. We have to maintain healthy. That's really the deciding factor for me and something else that got me over the hump. I want to be HeaLTHY. Being underweight made getting pregnant for me more difficult. My doctor advised I gain 10 pounds. Since that time, I realized that my optimal weight isn't super low to be healthy. :>) So, finding the right spot for you that you can maintain (portion sizes that are normal, regular but not crazy amounts of exercise, healthy food on the plate, etc.) is helpful.
Do this for yourself,. Put your scale in the closet. That number fluctuates day to day and for me, even hours within the day. It's a trap. Don't do it to yourself. Go by how your clothes fit and how you feel. :>)