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Avatar universal

anorexic to binge eater

Hi, I'm new to this, but I jsut have to try something new. Nothing else has worked so maybe this will help.
A year ago I had an eating disorder. I was anorexic; I am 5ft 6in and weighed about 90 pounds. I got better and up to about 117 and was really happy with myself. For the first time in my life, I liked what I saw when I looked in the mirror. Then, I started to binge. First it was like twice a week, but now it is every single day, and sometimes more than once a day. I usually eat over 3000 calories a day and I keep gaining weight. I'm now up to like 135 lbs and I am very unhappy with my body again. I don't know what to do. Everyday I tell myself I will just fix it tomorrow and get back on track; and everyday is the same. I keep thinking about how good it was when I was skinny, and I don;t want to think like that. How do I stop?
5 Responses
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877379 tn?1259664623
Are you seeing a therapist who specializes in eating disorders? It sounds like could really benefit from therapy.
I have never had anorexia but a good friend of mine did and she went through the same problem of becoming a binge eater after recovering from anorexia. One thing I want you to remember is that both anorexia and binge eating are eating disorders. One is not better then the other and both can take a toll on your health.
Your weight seems to actually be pretty healthy for your height but if you are unhappy because your weight gain is not through healthy ways, I can understand your concern.
If when you say "getting back on track" means going back to your anorexic behaviors, please please dont do it.
One thing you could start to look at is the times when you binge. Is anything particularly stressful going on?
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Avatar universal
I saw a therapist, but I stopped going when I was happy at about 117 lbs.
Looking back now, I think I stopped going to soon, but I really dont want to go back. I didn't like it at all.
And no, "getting back on track" means eating only when I'm hungry, and sensibly.
Most of the time the binges occur at night, but other than that there is not much relating them together.
Helpful - 0
877379 tn?1259664623
I made the mistake of leaving my therapist too early and I ended up having to go back to her because I was having too many problems.

You say, "I didnt like it at all". Did you just not like that particular therapist? Maybe you could try seeing a different one.

Personally I think 117 is way too small for someone of your height.

Are you binging because you are hungry? Are you restricting at all during the day? I have a tendency to binge if I restrict.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I didnt really like my therapist, she just seemed really judgemental, I don't know, I think I should have tried a new one, but I just wanted to be "normal" again.
And, I dont know why I binge. I'm ussually not hungry, I dont know if I'm just bored or what, but no I don't restrict during the day, I eat pretty regularly.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hello,

I suffer from anorexia nervosa.  I was 70 pounds and almost died because my organs were shutting down and I'm 5'8.  I gained up to 165 pounds and honestly, 135 was my goal weight when I went to a treatment facility; however, I ended up gaining more weight than expected because I ended up binging and not following the diet plan and I regret it so much that I'm going back into my eating disorder.  I binged because the refeeding and the swelling up scared me to death and it tricked me into thinking I was gaining so much weight that I got so frustrated and binged or binged and purged even though the nutritionist was completely honest with me in what was happening in that my cells were still repairing.  My eating disorder was so powerful it tricked me into thinking something else...that is how evil my eating disorder is and I hate it.  so I would end up binging.  Now I'm in the process of starving myself again with just drinking water and I also regret this too because I know I'm going to end up in the hospital again probably near 70 pounds again.  So don't worry about being 135!  That's a perfect weight!  It was my goal weight so you're very lucky.  As long as your weight is in the correct BMI for your height that is perfectly fine.

The eating disorder has it's ways of tricking us back into being anorexic again.  People who suffer from anorexia nervosa end up having such a vicious cycle of weight gain and weight loss weight gain and weight loss.  This is called the binge fasting dangerous dieting (I read it in the book)...from what I notice about my eating disorder is that  my eating disorder will make me binge at a certain point so that eventually I won't ever eat again and I'll be sooooo pissed off at food that I'll end up starving myself again.  Trust me...this isn't you it's your eating disorder.  Try to fight against it and don't get like me.  I went from 270 pounds to 70 pounds.  I lost over 130 pounds through over exersizing and not really eating then i was a bulimic at 135 pounds then I got so mad I stopped eating and was 70 pounds.  Now that I binged because of my stupid eating disorder I'm 165 pounds and my body fat percentage is 27 which is kind of over weight but not severely and now I'm spiraling down again of not eating.  Notice the cycle?  It is very vicious!!!!!!!  Just don't get caught up in it because it's so frustrating.  If you need support you can e-mail at ***@****  I won't encourage you to act on any eating disorder behavior but I will give you support if you need it.  Be strong and take care!
Helpful - 0
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