I am 45 year old female and I am 5' and 108 lbs . I weigh constantly especially after i eat ...If I feel I ate too much then i get rid of it. I know its not healthy but Im more afraid of gaining weight. I just remarried to a guy that does not want to be with a woman that is overweight. So I make sure I do not gain..If i can lose I feel ok. but not gain. My hair is thin and will not grow no matter what I use. I have shoulder length hair all my life ...without cutting it.Food is my worst enemy. I do like fruits and veggies. I dont eat meat. but I still feel like I have to battle everyday to not eat.If i feel full I feel dissapointed that I let myself get full...I only make myself sick about once or twice a day..depends on what it was i ate. If I want frenchfries i eat it..then I eat whatever else I want cause I know Im not going to keep it down... so eat a candybar or chips or whatever cause im getting rid of it anyhow...I want to stop but I cant "just stop" Ive tried. and i always go back to same lifestyle.. I probabaly weigh myself about 3 to 5 times a day...which is a lot less than I used to.
So glad you wrote. Your experience sounds like a painful one. The symptoms you are describing (fear of gaining weight, restricting, binging, and purging) are concerning ones. I would advise you to seek professional help as soon as possible. Besides the emotional pain, this can be very harmful and dangerous to your health. I would also advise you to see your physician and disclose this information to him or her. From what I gather, it sounds like you are engaging in these behaviors secretly and do not want your husband to find out. If disclosing this information to him is out of the question right now, is there anyone else you can turn to for support? This is such a difficult experience as it is, it becomes exponentially more difficult when you are going through it alone. You deserve the love and support of your family and friends, please allow yourself to receive it. In the meantime, to learn more about eating disorders and treatment options, visit The Bella Vita website. Very best to you, Dr Patricia Pitts, PhD The Bella Vita Los Angeles, CA
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