traumatized by doc, how do I NOT let experience affect outcome surgery?

[twinner1234]

Went to see the gynecologist who is going to do surgery for me in a few months a few days ago( poor bedside manner,blunt and today, downright RUDE. Was talking about the operation he said, " I really wish you could loose some WEIGHT before then." I am really embarrassed because I'm 5'1 and weigh 180lbs. I am so f@*king tired all the time and when I do exercises my muscles get sore really easily or I have pain in my pelvic region. But I was starting to feel better about myself because I got a new haircut again and I felt that it made my face look slimmer...until that day. After he said that, I said, " I didn't think I was THAT big..." and he said, "yeah but you are, you are quite a bit overweight, esp. for your height." It was such a shock to hear that when the beginning of the appointment was going well. I put my head down and my eyes started watering and before I knew it I was crying. HOW HUMILIATING. Then he said, "what are you're thoughts?" and I said, "Well your being blunt and probably because you're a doctor, but it really hurt my feelings. You don't know how hard I've TRIED to lose weight...do you think I want to look like this? I got my haircut and felt my face looked thinner and I was starting to feel better about myself but I don't feel better about myself anymore. I’ve had problems with weight all my life and I’ve been so depressed not being able to lose weight I’ve thought about suicide." GET THIS, he says, "I don't judge you, I accept you for who you are. You have to LOVE yourself." He contradicted himself, stupid a-hole. He's making it pretty f@*king hard to LOVE myself after making me sound like a whale. I cried all the way home, went upstairs to try and sleep but couldn't stop crying. My identical twin just had a hysterectomy and they were scared because after the surgery her heartrate was really fast and her oxygen levels were low. He DID say that he's concerned about my upcoming operation and the same thing happening and my weight having a contributing factor. WHY COULDN'T HE JUST HAVE SAID THAT IN A COMPASSIONATE WAY INSTEAD OF SAYING WHAT HE DID??? I'm the first person to say that I'm REALLY sensitve about my weight and appearance in general but there's a compassionate way of doing things and a rude way and he was the latter. Plus, I weigh about 20 more pounds than my sis...we're usually closer in weight but I don't know whether its because I have low thyroid levels and she doesn't or what because we eat the same things. I'm worried that since he's the surgeon, the surgery might not go as well because I'm so humiliated and angry and depressed. The stupid thing is that after I said I've tried really hard to lose weight he said, "and you probably can't" WTF? I mean, if he even thinks I can't lose weight on my own give me some GOD DAMN WEIGHT LOSS PILLS if he's so worried about my heart and oxygen levels. I have OCD and if my life wasn't screwed up enough, I have anxiety disorders.  So I slept for awhile and when I woke up I had a terrible migraine from crying so hard. Then, good old ocd made the thoughts go round and round in my head, ocd had been described as your brain being a record player that keeps skipping...talk about annoying. I also have chronic depression, I don't have depression all the time, but I've had it since I was little and it comes and goes throughout my life. So its making it even harder to get past. But my question is, how do I have a healthy recovery when I can't stand the thought of my surgeon??? The only reason I haven't told him off is because he is a good surgeon but has the personality of a bedpan....wait, the bed pan shows people more respect.  How do I forget when, with the ocd I obsess about it every day and I DON'T WANT TO. Will that traumatic experience affect my recovery?? How can I stop him from hurting my recovery???

[cassiejk]

Twinner,
I totally understand how you feel. I had a gut instinct that she thought all my problems were related to my size but she never said anything to me about it in 3 office visits before I had a laparascopic surgery scheduled that turned into an open surgery where they removed way more than I had went in for. I went in for a bilateral ovarian cystectomy and possible appendectomy and came out diagnosed with a frozen pelvis, severe endomotriosis which is affecting my bowels. she did not do anything to address my bowels because it was too dangerous. A chocolate cyst was removed off my left ovary, both my fallopian tubes were removed, as well as an appendectomy.

I was never told of the possibility of having my tubes removed and the more research I am doing and by also speaking to an endometriosis specialist who is surprised that they were removed.

Although it is too late for me, it is not for you please stand up for yourself and find a physician who doesn't blame this disease on your weight.

The 3rd thing out of my surgeons mouth to my mom after surgery was that I really need to consider weight loss surgery. Yes, I would love to lose weight and be able to exercise if I was not in pain 3 weeks out of the month. This is all much easier said than done.

[ticked]

For starters I totally totally understand being treated that way by doctors. I am certain that 80% of doctors have no bedside manners. It makes me sick.

I was undiagnosed for 17yrs and every doctor made me feel like crap to the point I too became very depressed and suicidal.

If it was me I would cancel the appointment with him and find a new surgeon that doesn't make you feel like this however I totally understand when you say he is a good surgeon just has bad bedside manner, been there done that, twice.. You shouldnt have to be stressed going under.

I would take what he said with a grain of salt. He is making you worry more than you need to and that is wrong.