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19, Virgin, Never Got Full Hard-on Erection

I'm 19 yrs old male who never gotten a true erection from a woman. I am romantically attracted to them but never gotten the chance to do anything other than make out. I've made out with a few girls in my life but those time I was never able to get hard. This is starting to scare me because I can get erection from men. I think it has to do with the whole dominance thing. As for my parental background, my father can easily be seen as emotional abusive (when I was younger he used to call me ******, fatass (I was overweight until i turned 17), etc. and was very critical. My mother was just the opposite and used to baby me.

I know by now its pretty much a psychological thing. However, have you heard any other cases like this? Even watching straight porn I can't get an erection but if its gay porn I can get an erection in a flash. Lesbian porn I have to work for. Why am I so messed up?
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Avatar universal
Thsi is far more common than you think. On our porn recovery forums we have had several men that are heterosexual yet have escalated to gay porn, or transgender porn.

Why? Because they had numbed their brains to normal porn and needed to escalate to something more kinky (kinky for them) to get them going. We have had gay men move into straight porn - which is upsetting for them. It's about stimulation, not sexuality.

You need education.
Here are two excellent presentations, by a science teacher, on the effects of pornography on the brain. They are non-religious, non-judgmental, and science based.

Erectile Dysfunction and Porn:
http://yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-dysfunction-and-porn

Your Brain on Porn - Porn Addiction:
http://yourbrainonporn.com/your-brain-on-porn-series

Here are articles specific to your problem:

‘Straight Men, Gay Porn’ and Other Brain Map Mysteries
http://yourbrainonporn.com/straight-men-gay-porn-and-other-brain-map-mysteries

Losing at Porn Roulette
http://yourbrainonporn.com/losing-at-porn-roulette

Other people have this, and have recovered



Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
The answer sounds pretty clear to me. You are aroused by men sexually, you are gay.

I dont know where you live, or what your background is like, but if you continue to feel the need to deny your natural feelings, you will feel like sh!t until you can be honest with yourself.

People are suggesting therapy, like there is something wrong with being aroused by the same sex? I dont agree. You dont need therapy, you need to experiment with a man and see how it makes you feel.  Then you will have your answer.

Just wear a condom.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
As you know, your situation is psychological and a good therapist would be helpful, as mentioned above.  However, you mention that you are romantically attracted to women.  Do you have someone that you are close to romantically that could help you out in an experiment?  If I may be frank, I wonder what the results would be if she would give you an unhurried, relaxed blowjob just to see what would happen.  You would have to explain that it would be experimental in that you don't know what the results would be and that, either way--whether you get an erection or not--whether you climax or not--it would be alright, no problem.  It would just be interesting to see what the outcome would be under direct stimulation, and then you might be further ahead in your research and what you could offer to a therapist.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I understand that you are concerned but it seems sort of clear to me.  How do you feel when you are around guys?  Plenty of gay men like women but for some reason they just can not get as aroused.
This is a deep subject that only you can search yourself for.  But, if you are worried about what people think or even God, I think God loves everyone, we are ALL screwed up in differant ways!  Therapy can help and just being real and honest with yourself!  G/luck!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I was hoping to see you get some other postings and answers and can offer some thoughts, this is tuff, to understand whats going on. There must be something that you experienced that affects what you associate to arrousal. What do you recall and when did you start experiencing thoughts. Sexual thoughts are normal, healthy and good.

Try to visualize the young women you are attracted to when you are alone, relaxing and associate being with them as pleasurable. Difficult also but if you can be open enough to just say whats up and  that you might need some stimulation when making out. I would think that oral is going to stimulate you.

Try to find a really good therapist, one who specializes in sex. I would like to hear what the lady expert on T V would tell you. I would also like to see other coments posted.
I beleive we get what we want and focus on. Its hard to know what we really want. And this topic is so socially regulated. I mean what guy wants to be married to a guy and so on.
Who doesnt want to please there partner experioence love pleasure and fun.
Your at a critical time and age and I hope you move forward in the best possible and healthy way.
Helpful - 0
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