Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Erection only fails before penetration

Hello; I am 19 years old and I have no history of physical illnesses personally (in my family there is some arthritis, diabetes, and literally half my blood relatives have or have had some kind of psychological problem).  When I am alone and masturbating, I generally have no problems maintaining an erection, unless for some reason I'm unable to concentrate on my fantasies; and I certainly don't have a problem with my sex drive itself, i.e. my desire for sex.  When with a girl, I also have no trouble maintaining an erection during mutual masturbation or oral sex.  However, when it comes to actual penetration, my erection almost invariably disappears before we can even start.  I have only successfully had sex twice, with my first partner; my second partner was only ever able to please me through oral sex (keep in mind, though, my relationships have been exceptionally short - a few months in the case of the first, one month in the case of the second).  As you can imagine, this is extremely stressful and emotionally painful, and puts me off making advances on other women for fear of the same problems cropping up again and again.  I am on the cusp of a third relationship, now, and I am worried that the same problem will appear again.  I don't doubt it's a psychological problem - I have had my fair share of mental troubles (bipolar phases in early high school, hysteria, hypochondria, general anxiety disorder, almost all the symptoms of four personality disorders, most of the inattention-focused ADHD symptoms), and as I've said, there are otherwise no problems at all with my erections - but all this advice of "just relax" or "don't think about it" or "focus on your partner" does nothing for me.  Even when I do appear to have cleared my mind, it still fails, and I am inevitably reminded of all my previous failures, and at that point it's just too late.  I was prescribed a packet of Cialis by a doctor I visited, which I have not yet had the chance to use since my second relationship broke up.  I don't want to spend the rest of my life relying on a little pill to satisfy my sexual needs, however.  Is there anything more specific and systematic than "relax, don't think about it" that I can do to solve this problem?  Something that actually helps?  What could the problem be?  How can I fix it?  Any help would be enormously appreciated!
2 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
Hey i just started looking up this ED cause i just had the same problem with my girlfriend a few days ago. I am 20 and i have been masturbating since around 10. I found a lot of statements of how masturbation and porn may cause a problem when fantasies (in this case porn) have to come to reality (face to face with your sex partner). So when you watch porn or go to these fantasy worlds you may get an erection and you may start to become condition to this. Where porn or fantasies are the only way to have and sustain an erection. So if you do watch porn try to stop or lower the amount of times you watch it. And of course try to stop masturbating. Easier said than done I know but understand in order for you to have an healthy relationship with your partner you MUST take steps in order to cure your ED. I do not agree with taking drugs cause all drugs if not most have side effects. So taking drugs is risky but they can help a situation now rather than later. Abstinence from porn and masturbation may take some time to cure your ED if it can cure it at all. Some guys say it work but it may take months.
Thank You for reading!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi Lytyr! I suffered from the same thing (coital anxiety) for many years until I decided to take some action and do something about it. Today my sex life is great and if I can do it, so can you.

I'm not a doctor but I have a couple of suggestions that might be helpful:

a) First and foremost, try not to worry too much (easier said than done, I know). This problem is extremely common and there are solutions available.

b) Secondly, do your research on psychogenic ED and sexual performance anxiety. Search the Internet, read books, talk to experts. Knowledge is indeed power: the more you know about these problems, the less stressful they will be. You'll soon find out that anxiety is not just common, it is also a natural biological reaction. When you get too anxious, the release of stress hormones constricts peripheral circulation so that blood can get more rapidly to your vital organs (heart, lungs); the penis is not a vital organ and the last thing you need when you're facing danger is an erection! This is the infamous 'fight or flight response'. Depression and mood disorders can also have a negative impact on your sexual performance; erections start in the brain and if the brain isn't working properly, sexual problems will arise.

c) You said you consulted a doctor but did you go to a urologist? I believe urologists are the most qualified professionals to handle these problems. Your problem seems to be purely psychological but there may be some underlying organic cause that you're not aware of; and even if this is 'just in the head', a urologist can prescribe you an effective treatment. If you haven't seen a urologist yet, I suggest you go see one as soon as possible.

d) You also said that your doctor prescribed you a packet of Cialis. Well, use it! These drugs are safe and very effective. They will improve your erections and make you more confident. I suggest you try Viagra and Levitra as well and see which brand works best for you. Everyone is different and reactions to these drugs vary a lot.

e) I suggest you also try a new drug called Vigamed (oral phentolamine). I take Cialis and Vigamed on demand and both drugs work sinergistically. Vigamed (formerly known as Vasomax) is a licensed ED treatment in South America and there are several studies that show its efficacy and safety. It is not available in the US but you can order it online: www.vasomaxclinic.com

f) Cialis and Vigamed are great but they only act locally and don't treat anxiety. If you need something to control your nerves, I suggest a natural supplement called Seredyn. It is very effective and has no sexual side effects. I know this is a lot of stuff (Cialis, Vigamed, Seredyn) and you're absolutely right when you say you don't want to rely on pills, but you don't HAVE to take all this, of course; furthermore, these pills are only a transitory solution, once you overcome your anxiety you won't have to take them anymore.

g) A penis ring is also very effective. It's not very comfortable and you partner will see it, but it really does work. It helps maintain an erection because it constricts blood vessels near the surface of the penis but it does not contrict the arteries that bring blood into the penis to form an erection - that's the beauty of these toys! You should therefore put the ring before an erection, not after. You can buy a penis ring in any sex shop or you can try the ACTIS device manufactured by Vivus.

f) Are you taking any meds to treat the mental disorders you mentioned? Most of these drugs (e.g. antidepressants) can have a negative impact on your sexual performance. Again, talk to your urologist about this.

g) Last but certainly not least, the most effective ED treatments are not oral drugs, but a healthy lifestyle and an understanding partner.

h) For more on ED and its solutions, I suggest you visit the excellent EDG Forum: www.edguider.com/forum

I hope this helps. Good luck and keep us posted!
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Erectile Dysfunction Community

Top Sexual Health Answerers
139792 tn?1498585650
Indore, India
Avatar universal
Southwest , MI
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
Discharge often isn't normal, and could mean an infection or an STD.
STDs aren't transmitted through clothing. Fabric is a germ barrier.
Normal vaginal discharge varies in color, smell, texture and amount.