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Sexual Anxiety, what can I do to overcome it?
I'm a 27 y/o male who is experiencing psychological sexual anxiety issues. It all started about 2 years ago, I had a sexual encounter in which I lost my erection and my ex girlfriend got extremely upset. So from that point on, I was so focused on the possibility of potential failure and it has had a detremental effect on my sex life. Now, every time I go to have sex, I am so worried about losing my erection. Occasionally, if i feel like i am losing it (even though I'm not) I will lose it completely.
For many years, I have struggled with mild depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I went on Lexapro about 3 months ago. Since then, my problem seems to have been made worse. Not sure if it's a result of the Lexapro, though. I spoke to my Gen Prac, raising the possibility of the Lexapro causing the ED symptoms and he dismissed them as being psychological and not caused by the Lexapro.
This problem is ruining my sense of well being and my relationships. I love sex and I can have sex, but most of the time I cannot enjoy it because my mind becomes overwhelmed with negative thoughts of sexual failure. Condoms are especially an issue. I never used condoms with my ex. Condoms are somtimes too tight or make me loose total feeling and i begin thinking about it too much and then lose my erection.
I have tried OTC pills such as Stamina-RX and Zyrexin, which causes me to become sick more than anything. Is there anything I can take?
What can I do? I try not to think about it, but my mind quickly becomes filled with the negative thoughts again. I cannot overcome them.
Please help, Doc! I'm pretty desperate here.
For many years, I have struggled with mild depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I went on Lexapro about 3 months ago. Since then, my problem seems to have been made worse. Not sure if it's a result of the Lexapro, though. I spoke to my Gen Prac, raising the possibility of the Lexapro causing the ED symptoms and he dismissed them as being psychological and not caused by the Lexapro.
This problem is ruining my sense of well being and my relationships. I love sex and I can have sex, but most of the time I cannot enjoy it because my mind becomes overwhelmed with negative thoughts of sexual failure. Condoms are especially an issue. I never used condoms with my ex. Condoms are somtimes too tight or make me loose total feeling and i begin thinking about it too much and then lose my erection.
I have tried OTC pills such as Stamina-RX and Zyrexin, which causes me to become sick more than anything. Is there anything I can take?
What can I do? I try not to think about it, but my mind quickly becomes filled with the negative thoughts again. I cannot overcome them.
Please help, Doc! I'm pretty desperate here.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi.
OK. Relax. The world isn't coming to an end, and neither is your sexuality.
First, let's talk about Lexapro. Lexapro is a drug prescribed for major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I’m concerned that this drug was not prescribed by a psychiatrist. Realize that in determining which drug is most appropriate for you, a psychiatrist evaluates your unique physiological and psychological history. Everyone is different, and there’s no drug that’s perfect for everyone. If you’re concerned about Lexapro’s effects, I suggest you go see a psychiatrist for a one-time drug consult. Although Lexapro isn’t generally considered to affect sexual functioning, there have been some people who have reported sexual side effects. So go see an expert, and set your mind at ease.
From what you’ve written, it sounds like there’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just convinced yourself there’s something amiss, and now you’ve created a viscous circle. As soon as your penis didn’t do exactly what you wanted, you started to worry. Sex is all about what’s going on in your head. The more you worry, the more your penis isn’t going to cooperate. In fact, it can be downright rebellious! You need to relax. If someone tells you NOT to think of elephants, what’s the first thing you think about? That’s right. Elephants. And if you worry about getting erection, same thing: self-fulfilling prophesy.
Erections go up and down. You’ll find this happening all your life. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex, but you have to adjust your attitude and relax. Many men feel that if their erection goes down even a tiny bit, there’s something wrong with them. Where does this come from?
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Ask yourself whether you have any conflicts about being sexual—any old messages that might be lurking in your subconscious.
For more information about erection issues, attitude, etc., I highly recommend the book “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D. It’s widely available in paperback and is an invaluable resource.
Since you're prone to anxiety, this will probably be an ongoing theme in your life. The book has some great exercises that will help you learn how to relax, stop putting pressure on yourself and enjoy sex for what it is: pleasure. Give yourself permission to enjoy whatever happens—and find partners who aren’t hung up on performances issues either. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
OK. Relax. The world isn't coming to an end, and neither is your sexuality.
First, let's talk about Lexapro. Lexapro is a drug prescribed for major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I’m concerned that this drug was not prescribed by a psychiatrist. Realize that in determining which drug is most appropriate for you, a psychiatrist evaluates your unique physiological and psychological history. Everyone is different, and there’s no drug that’s perfect for everyone. If you’re concerned about Lexapro’s effects, I suggest you go see a psychiatrist for a one-time drug consult. Although Lexapro isn’t generally considered to affect sexual functioning, there have been some people who have reported sexual side effects. So go see an expert, and set your mind at ease.
From what you’ve written, it sounds like there’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just convinced yourself there’s something amiss, and now you’ve created a viscous circle. As soon as your penis didn’t do exactly what you wanted, you started to worry. Sex is all about what’s going on in your head. The more you worry, the more your penis isn’t going to cooperate. In fact, it can be downright rebellious! You need to relax. If someone tells you NOT to think of elephants, what’s the first thing you think about? That’s right. Elephants. And if you worry about getting erection, same thing: self-fulfilling prophesy.
Erections go up and down. You’ll find this happening all your life. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex, but you have to adjust your attitude and relax. Many men feel that if their erection goes down even a tiny bit, there’s something wrong with them. Where does this come from?
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Ask yourself whether you have any conflicts about being sexual—any old messages that might be lurking in your subconscious.
For more information about erection issues, attitude, etc., I highly recommend the book “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D. It’s widely available in paperback and is an invaluable resource.
Since you're prone to anxiety, this will probably be an ongoing theme in your life. The book has some great exercises that will help you learn how to relax, stop putting pressure on yourself and enjoy sex for what it is: pleasure. Give yourself permission to enjoy whatever happens—and find partners who aren’t hung up on performances issues either. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
My doctor told me the same thing about Zoloft. Said 50 mg was not enough to cause problems. I took LexaPro too. I will never take another SSRI. Wellbutrin is a better choice to me!
Any suggestions, Doc?
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