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Performance anxiety 21 year old male
Hello,
I am a 21 year old male and I have suffered from performance anxiety my entire life. When I was 15 I was given oral sex for the first time and I went soft after about 5 minutes. Then about a year later with my first actual girlfriend it took me almost 6 months to be able to remain hard enough to have sex with her. Once we finally were able to all was good, but whenever I am single and looking for a new partner, these thoughts of being with a new person and getting hard creep into my head and haunt me.
It is at its worst whenever I try to get with a new partner. Usually after being able to have sex one time with a new partner, it goes away and we are able to have sex whenever and it is great. However, it is super frustrating not being able to get it up when I am with a new girl that I want to be with. I have found myself with some beautiful women and have not able to get it up at the moment of truth and its super embarrassing and scarring. I feel so much pressure with new women and it has really been consuming me lately. I have had some success in just straight up telling the girl what is going on and this happens with every new parnter. Then after about an hour I settle down and we have sex. But I would really like to be able to avoid this super awkward conversation and just get into the moment.
I am totally confident the problem is solely in my head and psychological, so I don't want to rely on ED medication for this in fear that it will make my psychological issues worse. Does anyone have any advice on how I can overcome this?
I am a 21 year old male and I have suffered from performance anxiety my entire life. When I was 15 I was given oral sex for the first time and I went soft after about 5 minutes. Then about a year later with my first actual girlfriend it took me almost 6 months to be able to remain hard enough to have sex with her. Once we finally were able to all was good, but whenever I am single and looking for a new partner, these thoughts of being with a new person and getting hard creep into my head and haunt me.
It is at its worst whenever I try to get with a new partner. Usually after being able to have sex one time with a new partner, it goes away and we are able to have sex whenever and it is great. However, it is super frustrating not being able to get it up when I am with a new girl that I want to be with. I have found myself with some beautiful women and have not able to get it up at the moment of truth and its super embarrassing and scarring. I feel so much pressure with new women and it has really been consuming me lately. I have had some success in just straight up telling the girl what is going on and this happens with every new parnter. Then after about an hour I settle down and we have sex. But I would really like to be able to avoid this super awkward conversation and just get into the moment.
I am totally confident the problem is solely in my head and psychological, so I don't want to rely on ED medication for this in fear that it will make my psychological issues worse. Does anyone have any advice on how I can overcome this?
Performance anxiety is something all guys know from time to time. Anxiety then does this little circle of a dance making sex even more of a mental trip than it already is. You don't need ED meds from what you describe. What about talking to a psychologist to work through the feelings and anxiety you have? I really like this article and am sharing it with you. https://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/guide/sexual-performance-anxiety-causes-treatments It has some great suggestions to try. copy and paste it, give it a read and let me know what you think.
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Thank you. Ill give it a read. I go to a mental health counselor at my university but I have not shared anything with her about this situation. I am considering it but it is just so difficult to talk about.
I understand it's really personal but it won't be anything they haven't heard before. You otherwise have erections no problem, right?
I will give it a try in talking to my counselor. And yes, otherwise no problems with erections. After the first time having sex with a partner, there is never any issues. It is just the anxiety/stress of being with someone new.
Definitely sounds anxiety related. Work on it with the therapist and do not be embarrassed. this is something NOT new to them.
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