Aa
Desperately need help and hope
I don't know where to begin.my husband is 65, does not smoke, drinks light beer occasionally, is slightly overweight and now is experiencing a rapid decline in sexual function. His cholesterol is low, his sugar is just a few points over the normal upper limit, and his testosterone level is 12 points above the upper recommended number for suggested testosterone supplement treatment. He found a lump in his right testicle at the end of June. Prior to that there was no problem in getting and maintaining an erection, however in the last year he has had a hard time getting to climax and ejaculation and often the quantity of the semen was low. Since the discovery of the lump, he started having trouble getting an erection. It would take a lot of stimulation just to get even a soft erection which would quickly fail within a minute or two. We attributed that to worry from the lump, but going to the doctor and finding it to be a harmless cyst did not improve things. The doctor ordered an ultrasound to confirm his exam of the lump and said it could not cause the dysfunction problems he had. The doctor was content to do nothing and only referred him to a urologist on his request to see about the ED. That visit was not much help either. The urologist said the cyst was from the vasectomy he had 30 years ago and was unrelated to the sexual problems and would not need to be removed unless it became too uncomfortable. Based on the fact that he seldom has nocturnal and/or morning erections, the ED was diagnosed as organic. By the time he did see the urologist, he had declined to the point of being unable to get any kind of erection, even a soft one. I would have thought the doctor would have then dug deeper to find the physical cause to then treat that but instead just gave him a sample of Levitra to use if he wanted to have sex. The Levitra did help, but not all that much...the erection was soft and still failed shortly after attaining and there was of course no climax or ejaculation for him. He also had quite a headache the next day and at $14 a dose doesn't seem to be a good solution. So we are left wondering "what now"? I am trying to get him to go for a 2nd opinion but he is resistant figuring it will be of no more help then the doctors he has seen already. He is able to more then satisfy me when we attempt anything which I do tell him so as to not make him feel that he is letting me down because he isn't! I just would want him to once again be able to experience the pleasure and satisfaction he gives to me which now seems to be a hopeless pipe dream. Is there any help for us and this man that I love so dearly? Please, offer any suggestions that might give us answers or solution. Thank you.
An enlarged prostate can give the sensation of wanting to go to urinate, but the flow may be restricted.
If you find he is constantly running to the toilet and is having difficulty in urinating or is not able to urinate at all (you may notice his belly increase in size) that is an urgent matter and needs to be dealt with straight away.
A doctor doing a rectal examination (you are right) would know if the prostate is enlarged. PSA levels can give indication of other problems with the prostate gland and not just cancer.
Do you have a different doctor at the practice that can check out his prostate and urine rather than wait until you find a urologist? In the UK we have to see a doctor first and we then get referred to a specialist.
As your husband has already been diagnosed as having pre-diabetes, what he eats and drinks can still have an effect on his urine output. You may notice that if he consumes too many sugary foods and drinks, he may be getting up more often to pass urine, he may also may feel more thirsty.
Having an urge to urinate and going more often can also be a sign of a urinary tract infection. He can urinate into a clear jar and look at his urine. If it is cloudy that can be indicative of any infection. Dark coloured urine may be that he is dehydrated or there is blood in the urine.
Ensure that he still drinks plenty of water. If you make an appointment with the doctor, get your husband to take a morning sample of urine with him.
It is a good idea that you are seeking a urologist that can help you with regard to prostate issues and to urinary problems. The urologist would be able to do a urine flow test too.
If you find he is constantly running to the toilet and is having difficulty in urinating or is not able to urinate at all (you may notice his belly increase in size) that is an urgent matter and needs to be dealt with straight away.
A doctor doing a rectal examination (you are right) would know if the prostate is enlarged. PSA levels can give indication of other problems with the prostate gland and not just cancer.
Do you have a different doctor at the practice that can check out his prostate and urine rather than wait until you find a urologist? In the UK we have to see a doctor first and we then get referred to a specialist.
As your husband has already been diagnosed as having pre-diabetes, what he eats and drinks can still have an effect on his urine output. You may notice that if he consumes too many sugary foods and drinks, he may be getting up more often to pass urine, he may also may feel more thirsty.
Having an urge to urinate and going more often can also be a sign of a urinary tract infection. He can urinate into a clear jar and look at his urine. If it is cloudy that can be indicative of any infection. Dark coloured urine may be that he is dehydrated or there is blood in the urine.
Ensure that he still drinks plenty of water. If you make an appointment with the doctor, get your husband to take a morning sample of urine with him.
It is a good idea that you are seeking a urologist that can help you with regard to prostate issues and to urinary problems. The urologist would be able to do a urine flow test too.
Thank you for your reply and I wish I could say things have improved which they have not :( Given how often he has to get up at night to pee as well as the feeling that he has to go all the time when really he doesn't makes me think that the prostate may be enlarged and causing some of the difficulty? I thought the only way that it could be determined was by physically examining the prostate. I thought the PSA was just a measure of prostate cancer as noted by whatever was in the blood to increase that number.
He is not diabetic according to his general physician as his blood sugar level is just slightly above the normal range.....he called it pre diabetes which could be dealt with by diet to prevent actual diabetes from occurring. The level he is at has been that way for quite awhile, so not sure how much of a factor that it is but is probably contributing. We are trying to get into another urologist who is more focused on ED and prostate issues, so hope if we are successful will get some answers.
It just is so very frustrating!
He is not diabetic according to his general physician as his blood sugar level is just slightly above the normal range.....he called it pre diabetes which could be dealt with by diet to prevent actual diabetes from occurring. The level he is at has been that way for quite awhile, so not sure how much of a factor that it is but is probably contributing. We are trying to get into another urologist who is more focused on ED and prostate issues, so hope if we are successful will get some answers.
It just is so very frustrating!
Sorry to read that your husband is experiencing problems.
With the blood test PSA levels being low would indicate that there is no problem or enlargement of the prostate. Having blood in urine samples can also be indicative of prostate problems for men over 60. If he is concerned that there is a problem with the prostate gland, he should ask the doctor to examine it for him. It is a very simple exam that is performed at the doctor's surgery at the appointment. Just make sure he goes with a clean bottom and clean underwear.
Although your husbands' testosterone level was just above the normal range, perhaps he does need to have a higher testosterone level to help with his erections.
The other point that I picked up on in your post is that your husband's sugar levels are not controlled adequately.
If his sugar levels are not being controlled, that can affect how he feels and if he has had diabetes that has not been controlled properly for a long time, it is highly likely that he has lost the sensations of feeling - loss of sensations can be as a result of nerve damage due to the diabetes.
His sugar levels not being controlled and being too high at bed time, will also make him to get up to urinate a few times during sleep time.
If he has a blood monitor, then he needs to monitor his sugar levels. If they are persistently high, then I would advise that he sees his doctor so that his diabetic medications (if he is on them) is adjusted, or he be prescribed with different medications or insulin. If he is on insulin, the dose may have to be adjusted.
Uncontrolled diabetes can cause loss of sensations by damaging the nerve ends causing peripheral nerve damage, diabetic retinopathy (damage to the retina in the eye that can lead to blindness) kidney damage and failure leading to death, loss of circulation that can lead to amputation of limbs. My husband is Type 2 diabetic and has lost sensations through uncontrolled diabetes. I am glucose intolerant and have already been diagnosed as having peripheral nerve damage.
The most important thing is to get his sugar levels sorted out and controlled first, and then go on from there if things do not improve.
Do not make it a big thing about him not staying hard and having an erection because it will make him feel more worried and he will then not want to "have a go" in the event it leads to disappointment for him and feelings of losing his manhood.
When it happens to my husband, I just say "Well, at least you have had some fun".
Is your husband on any medications that can be causing his problem in the bedroom?
Best wishes.
With the blood test PSA levels being low would indicate that there is no problem or enlargement of the prostate. Having blood in urine samples can also be indicative of prostate problems for men over 60. If he is concerned that there is a problem with the prostate gland, he should ask the doctor to examine it for him. It is a very simple exam that is performed at the doctor's surgery at the appointment. Just make sure he goes with a clean bottom and clean underwear.
Although your husbands' testosterone level was just above the normal range, perhaps he does need to have a higher testosterone level to help with his erections.
The other point that I picked up on in your post is that your husband's sugar levels are not controlled adequately.
If his sugar levels are not being controlled, that can affect how he feels and if he has had diabetes that has not been controlled properly for a long time, it is highly likely that he has lost the sensations of feeling - loss of sensations can be as a result of nerve damage due to the diabetes.
His sugar levels not being controlled and being too high at bed time, will also make him to get up to urinate a few times during sleep time.
If he has a blood monitor, then he needs to monitor his sugar levels. If they are persistently high, then I would advise that he sees his doctor so that his diabetic medications (if he is on them) is adjusted, or he be prescribed with different medications or insulin. If he is on insulin, the dose may have to be adjusted.
Uncontrolled diabetes can cause loss of sensations by damaging the nerve ends causing peripheral nerve damage, diabetic retinopathy (damage to the retina in the eye that can lead to blindness) kidney damage and failure leading to death, loss of circulation that can lead to amputation of limbs. My husband is Type 2 diabetic and has lost sensations through uncontrolled diabetes. I am glucose intolerant and have already been diagnosed as having peripheral nerve damage.
The most important thing is to get his sugar levels sorted out and controlled first, and then go on from there if things do not improve.
Do not make it a big thing about him not staying hard and having an erection because it will make him feel more worried and he will then not want to "have a go" in the event it leads to disappointment for him and feelings of losing his manhood.
When it happens to my husband, I just say "Well, at least you have had some fun".
Is your husband on any medications that can be causing his problem in the bedroom?
Best wishes.
I will send you a message To talk to some the subjects addressed in this posting. let me know if you get it.
Wow, how ironic that you two also do the craft show thing...are you more into the antique end of it? What do you handle and take to shows? I have a few pieces of antique furniture and a few dishes from my grandmother. Have no idea what their value might be, but my attachment is more the emotional connection then anything. As to my son, you are spot on when saying he has "over corrected" in trying to prevent heart trouble. It is his heart that could still kill him since anorexics often die of heart failure as their bodies end up feeding on all available muscle tissue including the heart. Have tried to tell him that underweight is just as bad as overweight and maybe even worse, but it falls on deaf ears. At 6'2" and maybe 150 lbs., it is too little. He is single and I would guess he too would have some sexual dsyfunction too as a result, but not an issue with no relationship,with anyone but his job as an architect. I so enjoy chatting with you too and feel you and your wife would be great company and enjoyable people to visit with. What I need is more patience in riding out this ED struggle. I like your wife like to get things done and the quicker the better and this problem doesn't seem to lend itself to that solution. My husband is content to just wait and see if it will return naturally by being patient. In my mind if it is a physical problem all the patience in the world is not going to change anything. As for Medicare, we were advised that to get coverage you had to make an appointment for a well check and not a physical and you would think a check of the prostate would be a part of a well check for any 65+ male that would come in. Truly is crazy and hard to understand...and without understanding it, I wonder what Obamacare will do to coverage? Would they pay for an implant or other possible treatment figuring it not essential? How's that for taking worry to the max? As I always say, thank you for your understanding thoughts...they do give me hope and comfort for resolution some day. N have a great day and I will keep in touch as things unfold-or don't!
Sorry about your son's situation , that is a rough issue, in trying to avoid one bad health possibility he seems to have traded it for another. Thanks for your kind words about our marriage. Our fun 48 yrs have been a blessing, especially the last 5 to 6 yrs. I have enjoyed our discussions, it help me remember some very good things that come out of fixing my issue. My wife sounds a lot like you, she is a" get it done type person." We also do craft/ antique shows, actually one a year, but it is a whooper!! Well, I don't know if I helped you with my long inputs or not, but I want to wish you the very best in working this issue. I will be available for any question that might come up. BTW, the way things are on medicare, you have to tell the DR's what you need them to check, they can not code it as an annual check up. But in your husband's case it seemed pretty darn clear what should have been done.. Crazy!!
I just love your mathematic percentage!! Sadly it is that 80% seems to be the hardest (again no pun intended) to treat. I still am in total that neither the general doctor or the urologist did not do the physical check of his prostate, especially given his age and symptoms. How does that happen? You would not think you would have to ask for something that should be in a regular checkup. They only did blood work to check his PSA level and since that was low they figured that all was well there?? I can only imagine that Testosterone therapy could only help. Not sure if family connections have any bearing on that, but we have a son that was very delayed with puberty and had to have testosterone injections to get things started which worked. He now could benefit from them again as his levels are low primarily due to what looks like close to complete muscle mass loss from starving himself to death. Anorexic for sure but again hard to make him see what he has done to himself in his quest to lose weight and prevent the heart disease that runs on my side of the family. So wondering if his puberty delay and low testosterone level was inherited from his father? All I know is now it is hard to cope with two tough conditions as these, especially when my son is an adult approaching 40.
I have heard of women also receiving that treatment and good to hear that it is effective. I have managed to find relief from my menopause issues with the taking of Amberan that you may have seen advertised on TV. It does work for me increasing my libido, controlling night sweats and hot flashes, removing the pain from intercourse that used to be present, etc. I just got message this week from the company that makes it that they now have a male version of it for "andropause". I am very tempted to order a sample that is available to see if that would help at all, especially if I can't get him back to the other urologist that I agree he should see. If it worked even half as well as my formula does, it would be great!
For now I will take it a day at a time until I can get him so see him and hope that there is something he could try in the meantime to help. Another gentleman posted of a supplement made in Europe that worked for him and I am very interested in giving that a try as well. In the end I am grateful to al least have him in my life, even if he cannot respond 100% as he used to do. I think you and your wife are most blessed to have each other as it is most apparent you have a wonderful marriage :-). Thank you again for your insights..I will continue to post as things change one way or another.
I have heard of women also receiving that treatment and good to hear that it is effective. I have managed to find relief from my menopause issues with the taking of Amberan that you may have seen advertised on TV. It does work for me increasing my libido, controlling night sweats and hot flashes, removing the pain from intercourse that used to be present, etc. I just got message this week from the company that makes it that they now have a male version of it for "andropause". I am very tempted to order a sample that is available to see if that would help at all, especially if I can't get him back to the other urologist that I agree he should see. If it worked even half as well as my formula does, it would be great!
For now I will take it a day at a time until I can get him so see him and hope that there is something he could try in the meantime to help. Another gentleman posted of a supplement made in Europe that worked for him and I am very interested in giving that a try as well. In the end I am grateful to al least have him in my life, even if he cannot respond 100% as he used to do. I think you and your wife are most blessed to have each other as it is most apparent you have a wonderful marriage :-). Thank you again for your insights..I will continue to post as things change one way or another.
It sounds like you are on the right track, in trying to get your husband to go to the Urologist that specializes in ED and prostrate issues. When you said that he had started having ejaculation issues sometime before the ED
showed up. That sounds like maybe the prostrate could be enlarged causing some of the climax issues. He needs the old fashion digital exam . that is if he hasn't had it done. I am not sure what Free "T" level means, I will ask my DR. next month, when I get my yearly check up.. Testosterone t is a very important hormonial treatment for aging men and is so critical for good health and will being..( Some women also take it for the same reason, my wife is one of them for last 2 years)
Men , I know, do not really want discuss the issue, other then to kinda joke about it. My father told me when I was much younger that at 70 sex was over( I could not dream that I would ever have an erection problem) .
I will be 70 in a few months, and because of the medical technology of today, I feel great about sex in my marriage. I have a close friend that is younger then me, and is wife talked to me about the issue and wanted to know what they could do. That was 4 months ago. I talked to him directly a couple of weeks ago and he was still thinking about seeing a urologist. It just takes some time.. I do understand exactly where you as a loving couple are at this stage in your life. All I can say is hang ( again, no fun intended) in there, until you get it fixed. I have always been told that having sex is 80% mental and 30% physical --- 110% great!! :)
showed up. That sounds like maybe the prostrate could be enlarged causing some of the climax issues. He needs the old fashion digital exam . that is if he hasn't had it done. I am not sure what Free "T" level means, I will ask my DR. next month, when I get my yearly check up.. Testosterone t is a very important hormonial treatment for aging men and is so critical for good health and will being..( Some women also take it for the same reason, my wife is one of them for last 2 years)
Men , I know, do not really want discuss the issue, other then to kinda joke about it. My father told me when I was much younger that at 70 sex was over( I could not dream that I would ever have an erection problem) .
I will be 70 in a few months, and because of the medical technology of today, I feel great about sex in my marriage. I have a close friend that is younger then me, and is wife talked to me about the issue and wanted to know what they could do. That was 4 months ago. I talked to him directly a couple of weeks ago and he was still thinking about seeing a urologist. It just takes some time.. I do understand exactly where you as a loving couple are at this stage in your life. All I can say is hang ( again, no fun intended) in there, until you get it fixed. I have always been told that having sex is 80% mental and 30% physical --- 110% great!! :)
although I'm only 54 but I had similar trouble. Along with it the hard urination too. My brother who lives in Europe showed me what He takes. Potemix. The stuff helped me through this and I can maintain an erection through the intercourse. I tried Viagra and Cialis and all others but I don't want to die of a hearth attach while having a hard-on. I wanted natural organic stuff. potemix is the one I got from my brother and along with a better lifestyle (more exercise and cutting some bad stuff from my diet) I can do it again.
don't get killed over this by some T-shot and Viagra certainly is not a long term solution.
I was also tired of the urinating issues, took me 10 minutes to somewhat empty my bladder. it was embarrassing and extremely uncomfortable. Now I can urinate with a good flow and don't have to go 4-5 times a night. potemix is the name of the stuff and its organic and natural. not some Asian magic pill that just came to the market and so new, nobody has ever heard of it. I has been on the market in Europe for 11+ years so the stuff works and it is safe. google it.
don't get killed over this by some T-shot and Viagra certainly is not a long term solution.
I was also tired of the urinating issues, took me 10 minutes to somewhat empty my bladder. it was embarrassing and extremely uncomfortable. Now I can urinate with a good flow and don't have to go 4-5 times a night. potemix is the name of the stuff and its organic and natural. not some Asian magic pill that just came to the market and so new, nobody has ever heard of it. I has been on the market in Europe for 11+ years so the stuff works and it is safe. google it.
Denny, thank you again for your understanding and suggestions for what we are experiencing here. Very comforting to know that there are others that know have been through this and that our situation is so similar to yours. I swing back and forth between if it is physical or part of the mental game or a combination of both. Your T level sounded lower then my husbands which is why you were given testosterone treatment? His was 312 and it sounds lie 300 or below was the cutoff number for treating, so wonder if that would even help him as it did you. My thought is that there are two separate issues going on, as the retarded or absence of ejaculation was going on for a year before the ED appeared in the last 3 months, if that makers any sense. As of last night I was able to elicit at least a soft erection at bedtime, but as before, it was brief and was probably not firm enough for any real thought of penetration. I am so hesitant to even try hands on for erection as I just don't want to make him feel failure when it turns out as it does. In the very early morning, he did have a firmer erection without any stimulus from me, but as seems to be the norm now, he did stay erect long enough to more then satisfy me ( which I hoped would bolster his confidence), but it was just like a switch was flipped and shortly after that down it went before he could have the climax that I so wish he could have sand enjoy again. I wish I could convince him to see a different urologist to see if it could be a valve problem as you had, a prostate issue, or something else that I can't even imagine. There were two urologists where he went and I now question why the regular doctor chose the one that her did for referral. The one he went to specialized in kidney and urinary issues. The other one specialized in ED, prostate, and surgery and I would have thought the more appropriate choice. Hubby has asked me to just wait and see if things will return tho normal on their own, but I hope he will eventually agree to go see the other urologist to check out things seriously this time. To me that would ease his mind knowing exactly what it is or isn't. Forgot to tell you that his actual free T number was 53.8 if that number makes any kind of difference.
So that is where we are at- kind of stuck in limbo as it were. I have reached the point of not caring if it is physical, mental, or whatever..just wish we could wind the clock back to the time when we didn't give it a 2nd thought and all functioned as designed so to speak. I do care deeply for him and struggle with finding the best way to help him rather then make things worse with my ideas of what to try next. This shoe scenario truly is the definition of frustration. And as before if you have any suggestions or understanding thoughts from the male perspective I am gratefully eager to hear. Thank you again for your insights!
So that is where we are at- kind of stuck in limbo as it were. I have reached the point of not caring if it is physical, mental, or whatever..just wish we could wind the clock back to the time when we didn't give it a 2nd thought and all functioned as designed so to speak. I do care deeply for him and struggle with finding the best way to help him rather then make things worse with my ideas of what to try next. This shoe scenario truly is the definition of frustration. And as before if you have any suggestions or understanding thoughts from the male perspective I am gratefully eager to hear. Thank you again for your insights!
PS... I agree with you on 65 being too young to end one of the most enjoyable acts in the married union. It is the connection we need to always bond with our mate. In our aging process, we have got -- got to keep the passion alive for our spouses.. Your posting's reflect a great love/caring for your husband . Keep it up... den
You have described our situation almost to a tee. We could not believe it happen over 6 month period ( Good to Bad). The "T" level was showing low one half years before I started taken the shots, I first was prescribed a jell to rub over my body which I did not like and It wasn't working worth a darn. The bad thing I became short tempered, easily fustered about nothing issues. This was after we retired and I should have been on top of the world, and I wasn't. The "T" give a new out look on life and It put sex at a high priority with a new passion for my wife. But as I said, I was trying to keep up with this new sex drive using meds/shots to solve the ED. That was super fusterating and that going soft killed me from being able to do anything, including ejaculation.. The words I hated hearing from my wife during that time period was ---- IT IS DOWN ! I still am taking shots each month and that helps the Implant work so well for us. ( we have avg 2+ times a week) I have had the Implant for close to 5 years and it and "T" has given me life. My "T" level when I was 63 was way under 300, I think. My wife and I have talked many times about what we went through together, and now we have some fun with it, but at the time it was a major happing in our married life. I think you got to check out some other DR's and get to the next step. If you go to the next step , I will be glad to discuss these things that concern you .. I do feel for your husband, I know what he is going through and also, trying to figure out what to do! BTW - My name is denny, nice meeting you.
First of all thank you for your response to our plight, especially coming from a male that can give perspective on your experience. It is just so hard (no pun intended) to know what to do next to find a workable solution for both of us. I just struggle as to what could be happening given how fast this as unfolded , not even 2 months from no problem erection with hard to accomplish ejaculation to total impotence and inability to stimulate an erection by any means..and if there is a semi soft erection accomplished, it is gone within a minute or two. The complete lack of concern from both the urologist and the general doctor is most disheartening. I look back t ht they have checked so far and don't get why theynhave not checked for anenlarged prostate which you would think normal with his age given the problems it can cuse sexually. Just because his PSA number was lo does not rule put BPH? He does have to get up and pee no less then 4 times a night, so why would not a urologist check that as standard procedure? His testosterone score was 312, so I don't know where yours was in relation to that. He has started taking an over the counter testosterone booster ..they said it would take 8 weeks to effective,so we are not at that point yet, but he has had a couple of nocturnal erections but not not sure if that Ida sign that is working. Even with the erection, he cannot hold it long enough to come close to ejaculation, so that does make me wonder if the valves are suspect as in your situation. It is just like you flip a switch and down it goes :(. I also do not understand why the u urologist did not test further for anything and was content to just give him some Levitra to try. And like the nocturnal erections, the Levitra erections do not stay and fail before ejaculation. You have almost loving wife who so for you to help you in any way she can to final solution. And your love to her is so evident as well to follow up with her ideas..you must be a great couple!! That said I would eagerly accept any information you would care to share that might help us get to the point you have reached. I need direction so that I can help him plot the path that will eventually help him. Granted we both are 65, but that still seems too young to have to give up such a wonderful part of a marriage.b by hank you again!
When I was 64, I started having some of the same issues and the first thing I started taking monthly Testosterone shots, which my check up showed a low level. I know you said your husband was just on the low end. But still very close to the low level. This solved my getting to a climax and ejaculation. I was also taking viagara , which worked to solve the erection problem. This only worked for a few months, and the side affects were terrible. My wife , of 48 years, felt just like you, and she convinced me to go to a urologist that spec. in penile Implants. She even found the DR. for me. Before he would do it I had to go trough penis shots to see if that worked, did not and I was glad. He determined that I had leaky valves and I would never be able to have an erection and be able keep it hard. The penile Implant fixed my problem and we are very happy with the results. It is something you can check out. Send me a message if you want any additional info..
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