Another miscarriage - how do you pick up the pieces?

[rumsy]

Hi ladies

We have been ttc for over 3 years and I've already had an ectopic miscarriage and lost my right tube (9 months ago). As some of you know, I got my BFP after the second IUI few weeks ago and was so thrilled that I was pregnant, and the pregnancy was in the uterus. Unfortunately, this baby did not have a heartbeat at 6 weeks nor at 7, and the sac had stopped growing. I had a D&C yesterday and am still heartbroken.

I don't know how to pick up the pieces and start all over again. I know several of you wonderful ladies have gone through devastating losses but managed to start over. I am looking to find inspiration from all of you. How do you cope with losing something so dear to you?

I am so glad to have found this forum....you ladies truly get it. Thanks for being such a supportive group.

[kohlby]

I guess you just go forward in general since it hurts too much to go backwards.  There's definately times I slip backwards, but the overall movement is actually positive.  I'm typing this the day before a scheduled d&c, due to a missed miscarriage.  It's my 5th miscarriage overall.  It does help me that I did have two babies that made it.  I remember when I had 2 losses and no kids.  I painted a nursery as a room of hope.  I spent forever painting Dr. Seuss characters all over the walls.  I knew that someday, someway, I would have a child for that room.  At the time, I didn't know if I would have to go through adoption or not.  But just knowing that somehow I would have a baby made me move forward.

I get hyperemesis when pg, even when I miscarry.  I'm currently on Zofran and Phenergan despite a dead baby being in me.  Due to my miscarriage struggles and being so sick when I do get pg, I have tried to talk my husband into adopting.  But he won't do it for a 3rd child.  He says we can stop now if I want.  But I feel I want just one more child to make my family complete.  And so I continue to ttc since I don't feel I have any other option.  My want to complete my family is too great.

[sam75]

ive never experienced a loss like you r going through, but im so sorry, ill keep u in my prayers. god bless.

[Houston79]

It is a very hard time for us who are going through m/c.  THis is my first one and I'll have to admit, it has been a fear of mine, even before ttc.  I'm focusing on the fact that it wasn't God's time for me.  And he is in control of my life and when it is HIs time, we'll conceive.  That doesn't mean it is easy-I can assure you.  I'm sorry for your loss-consider this a sisterly hug on the internet.

[JUST_ME_A_MOM]

I"m so sorry for your loss. It's really hard ... I know. I had my first miscarriage 2/25/08. I was in complete disbelief. The worst part ... siting in a room full of pregnant women and their husbands. It's hard not to think mean thoughts.

But what is helping me get through this is - knowing it's not the end of world. I will try again ... and again and again if I need to.  I know someone who has had EIGHT miscarriages before finally having a successful pregnancy!!

BUT - we all grieve differently. I grieved reading reading everything I could possibly find about miscarriage and spending some alone time - I guess just reasoning with myself.

Again, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Take the time to grieve. It feels like the end but you WILL get through this.

[kele1129]

I  am so sorry for you and wish that I could say something to ease the pain for you.  I myself have never miscarried but my grandmother had 7 m/c before having my mother.  She has said that her heart broke each and every time but she knows that her angels are waiting for her to join them when it is time.  She kept going because of her faith.  I don't share her faith but can respect the peace it brings her.  Friends and family can be a fountain of strength and caring as well.  As can you, you are your strongest advocate in life, never lose sight of yourself.  Take the time to grieve, it is healthy and healing. Find a way that you will be able to say goodbye to this chapter and to welcome in the new chapter.  I hope that will find calm in all of this and never forget how to smile.

Kele