DH missed the sample cup! Anyone else have funny stories!

[HeathJo]

MY DH MISSED THE CUP WHILE GIVING HIS SAMPLE!!!! He did provide some sperm, and they were highly motile and good quality, but it was only like 1.9 million when it should be 10 million!!! The nurse busted him after seeing the report--he did not even tell me he missed!The nurse must have seen this before, b/c she was like "Well, the doctor and I looked at your sample report, and uh...do you think you might have missed the cup?" (All this while I am laying there "in the position") and he goes "Uh. . .Yeah!" I looked at him and said "What??!!??" and he goes, "You're stressed enough, like I am really gonna tell you! It was just a tiny drop!" That's when I started laughing, and held up the proceedings for a few minutes.

I know, it is pretty hilarious, but I was NOT happy at the time! I can't get mad at my dh though, he tried, poor thing! So, it is very imperative we back up with bd--he better not "MISS" doing that!!!!!!! AAAARGH!
I am actually laughing my butt off that this happenned. It is so something that would happen in my weird life! I don't think this story will make it into the baby book if we conceive this month!!

I hope some of you can share some stories about TTC that will make us smile, laugh, or just know that sometimes you have to see the humor in a situation in order to move on.

[HeathJo]

jen7900--Tell Beaver Boy that is his new name, and that we thought you sounded pregnant over the internet. Who is this guy, Stiffler from American Pie? For all his hilarious quirks, beaver boy sounds adorable (and lucky, to have bagged a babe like you!)

Sheri--at least he didn't say he wants to grow long and hairy like mommy's boobs and mommy's hairy butt with a hole in it! (See, it could have been worse!)

[Sheri1972]

Here is one for you...

My RE is quite handsome, so much so I blush when he's... "down there"... but he's also somewhat socially impaired.  He seems pretty uncomfortable when making small talk.  Typically he sticks to the science and doesn't even try to be conversational.

Last year, I sat down with him to discuss my options and he started trying to socialize, which was both amusing and painful to watch.  He started babbling about American Idol, and how his wife likes it so he's forced to watch it, and how did I think Sangina sang?

SanGINA?!  The guy's name is Sanjaya!  The doc just stared at me, waiting for an answer.  So, being the smartarse that I am, I looked down between my legs and mumbled, "Er.. she's doing okay but I didn't know she sang!"

Doctor: *blink* *blink*  

The joke went over his head.  He subconsciously rhymed that guy's named with vagina and didn't even know it! HAHAHA!

Another one... I had to take my 3 year old son to the RE with me for my 12 day follicle count, and he was in the room while they were doing the exam.  He's very curious, so they put gloves on him and let him press the button to take the pictures.  He announced to the nurse that he was Dr. Connor, and was going to grow up "long" like his Daddy and have hair on his boobies, and have a big butt.  He said he wouldn't be like his Mommy because she didn't have hair on her boobies, and she had a big hole in her tummy.  Then he pointed to the aforementioned area he was describing.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEP!   The nurse loved it.  Me... not so much!  I still tease DH about his hairy boobies and big butt though.

Sheri

[mommywa]

heck---if nothing else leave the child in the room, and do it in the bathroom!

[jmt31]

haha.  yeah i said i'll strap him in his stroller and put the mini-dvd player on in the bathroom!  then he can't get into trouble and will be occupied with a movie!  we'll see how it goes.  :)  

[ms320]

Take the 2 year old.  Put him to bed.  When he falls asleep, go for a quickie in the car.  Just like a teenager

[babyalive]

I say take the 2 yr old with you, drive at night, he'll be asleep from the drive and then go for it!

[stillwaiting52]

Take the 2 year old with you and a bottle of benedryl ;-)
Lol!

[jmt31]

so this is the first month i'm on clomid.  my DH just found out that he has to leave town for work the week i'm suppose to O.  i was so mad b/c i am taking the clomid for nothing if he won't even be here now to BD and i was really hoping this would work!  anyways, he'll be about 6 hours away with work so he told me to just come drive down to see him for a "booty call"!  i started laughing saying...oh that would be just so great with a 2 yr. old in the hotel room!  men really don't think!  we just moved to this area and we know nobody and family is nowhere near sooooo...id' have to bring him.  then he tells me...we could just lock him in the bathroom!  anyone that has a 2 yr old KNOWS that the bathroom is the place they can get into the MOST trouble!  haha.  plus who would do that?!  MEN!  they really dont' think before they talk!  :)

[Jen7900]

I love that this thread keeps going! I had an especially BAD day when i received the news of my BFN today after our first try at IUI :(

But i smiled when i read and re-read your/our stories. DH (the same man who used the word "beaver") was very sure this was our month. This morning before the blood test he said, "You don't look pregnant, but you sure do sound pregnant"...HUH???? Another awesome moment when I looked at him and thought "Did i really marry this guy?"!! He tries...

Good luck to all of you! Excited for our next cycle.

[HeathJo]

butterflies--I was wearing my dhs black socks under my boots the other day when I had an u/s, and I actually made a comment about it to the doctor b/c I was so embarrased!

Lisa--Those stories are too cute!!! Hey, funny is funny--it's nice not to focus on TTC ALL the time! Plus, it is about kids, so it is still relevant.

Thanks to you both for keeping this post going. Laughter really helps pass the time :-)

[babyalive]

Butterflies, very funny.  (-:

Well, my stories aren't about dh, and not necessarily about ttc. But, they do cover the general area of the topic and I thought you might get a laugh from them.  

In my classroom with 1st graders we were studying homonyms.  I read them a great picture book of homonyms called The King Who Rained.  Students were then asked to generate a funny homonyn story of their own.  One of my students raised her hand and said, "I know one!  Don't grab my nuts!"

Then today, the same student - was asking about a story I had just read.  She thought it was a sequel to another story and she said, "Is that virgin #1, or virgin #2?"

I hope you don't mind me sharing these that aren't ttc necessarily.   Hopefully they at least gave you a laugh and/or a smile.
(-:
  

[butterflybabies]

my Re appointments are usually on my days off when I was going in for my U/S and Im usually in jeans and gym shoes ,white socks...well my last appointment was on a day I had to work and so I had to be dressed up...I was going in for an U/S and as I was talking to the doc and then he said to me (as he was sitting between my legs) to go ahead and put my legs in the stirups as I did he looked at my socks (which were black dress socks) and said to me whats the occasion? I started to laugh and the nurse says to the doc well you cant wear white socks with dress clothes doc...ugh it totally made the appointment much more relaxed...LOL

[HeathJo]

iluvdaisies--Thank God I am not the only one! Our poor dhs! I hate to laugh at your expense, but I did, and hey, if you can't laugh about it you want to cry, right? I am glad "the room" is not so bad. . .maybe we will do that next time.

maybebaybe29--I am glad you see humor in your story, because my first instinct was how p i s s ed off I would be. That would be so traumatic for either party? Your poor, poor dh! If you live close enough to your clinic, can't you collect the sample at home and have it there within 1 hour? That is how my clinic, and many others, operate. But, if that is not an option, like iluvdaisies said, "The Romm" wasn't bad. Plus, it will most definitely be more private and efficient than a hospital!!!! Best wishes for your cyst going away and getting your dh to feel comfortable with the process :-)

[maybebaby29]

My husband had the option to go to the local hospital since it was closer. He got there and they admitted him as outpatient! Then he was interrogated about latex allergies and he was all "why, is she helping?" Finally, they put him in a bathroom off of the waiting room and every 2 seconds someone was knocking on the door or trying to get in. Needless to say he didn't have a good time. Finally the hospital faxed the results to god knows where. I checked the number and it was to some Asian social group at the university hospital where I'm doing my RE. I was like, "Great. I'm sure the conversations are like, "hey should we talk about atrocities in China? No we got this guy's sperm sample. Let's talk about that!"

The poor man was so upset that he didnt' want to go back for sample two. I have to convince him that he can have movies and 'fun' at the RE's office, which is very private.

My 1st round of Clomid was cancelled (existing ovarian cyst just won't go away!) so he's putzing around with his 2nd sample. Grrr.

[iluvdasies]

oh, my gosh!  my dh missed the cup too!  we actually did it in the parking garage our first time b/c we were nervous about "the room"!!!!  when we got to andrology we told the lab lady that we missed the cup and she was like "  well, was it the ending or the beginning?"  it was just plain hillarious!  suffice to say, the next iui we used the room.  and the room isn't so bad after all...  :)

[jmt31]

haha.  glad you got a kick out of that.  i figured at least somebody had to!  he's definitely a little ham... :)

[HeathJo]

Dear God, that is funny.I mean, I know you were mortified at the time, but at least you can laugh about it now! I have a visual of a little kid assuming the exam position in a buckled stroller saying "mommy do this. . .mommy do this. . ."He wants to announce to the world that you are spreading your legs all over the place! I hope he stopped after you left the REs office, or people could REALLY get the wrong idea!

And, the "EW YUCKY GROSS" repetitive sing-songy anthem?!? HILARIOUS! LMAO!

It is cool that someone posted a funny story about TTC with a kid involved. Most of the rest of our stories just include dhs. Not too big of a stretch sometimes, though!

[jmt31]

hello everyone!  i didn't go through and read everyone's comments but i have two silly stories of my own...

i have a son that just turned 2 and i recently just finished up all my testing at RE's office.  when i went for the transvaginal u/s throughout the whole thing he sat there asking "where's mommy's pants?" or "mommy what's doctor doing?".   the doctor couldn't stop laughing because he was just so serious and relentless.  none of my answers were satisfying him.  so then after the u/s we were out in the waiting room at the receptionist window and he is in his stroller and he kept putting his legs over the stroller tray spreading them saying "mommy do this".  there were at least 5 other couples in the waiting room!

THEN...when i had to bring my DH's sample in, i of course had my son with me and my DH had to get to work so i brought it.  i kept it in the inside pocket of my jacket on the drive there b/c it was about 24 degrees outside and freezing!  when we got inside i had to sit for maybe 2 mins in the waiting room before the nurse came out and brought me to the lab.  while we were sitting there (yes other people in the waiting room as well) my son repeatedly is asking me "what's that"?  trying to get in my jacket.  so then we go to the lab and i pull the sample cup out and he starts sing songing "EW YUCKY GROSS!"  the nurse was dying.  all the way out of the doctors office he sang "EW YUCKY GROSS" and once again the entire waiting room was laughing b/c they obviously knew what i had in my pocket since i'm sure they've done it too!!  

have to love the toddler that is truly honest!  :)  hope that makes somebody laugh...at the time i know my face was beat red now it's hilarious!

[Jen7900]

Tell me about it!!

[babyalive]

Jen, Sheri, Heathjo: Very funny stories!!  Keep them coming.  Lord knows we need comic relief in this game!!

[HeathJo]

Sheri, your dh is such a ham! I love the comment about the job. Thanks so much for sharing these HILARIOUS stories. My dh and I have gotten a kick out of all of them.

Jen7900, I am speechles still. . .b/c I am still laughing to hard to speak! That will not be a story to pass down to the grandchildren!!!

[Jen7900]

That was funny!! My DH did the same sort of thing with the cup when he commented on needing a bigger one!

I'm sure DH will say more unbelievable things at our next appt. And of course i will let you know if he comes up with anything even more outrageous before then! And yes, he did say BEAVER!!

[Sheri1972]

Oh dear.. how hysterical!  My DH doesn't like doing the donation process either, but he's gotten used to it, so now he tries to joke around.

One time they handed him a cup and he said, "Do you have anything bigger?"

Another time he grinned at the nurse and told her if it was a girl, he was naming her "Dixie."

Last month he walked out of the office, tapped the doctor on the shoulder, and gave him a thumbs up, saying, "Better reading material today, doc!"  He then walked up to the front desk, forked over $300 for the IUI and mumbled, "That was the most expensive hand job I've ever gotten, and I was the one giving it!"

And yesterday, much to my mortification, he exited the collection room, handed the cup to the nurse, a wicked gleam in his eye and said, "Do you have another one?  I have extra."

*pinches bridge of nose*

Sheri

[HeathJo]

HOLY C R A POLA he did NOT say BEAVER!?!? That is so like a dude!!!! As if we females would use slang in front of a medical professional to refer to genital parts! But, Oprah does it to the world--have you seen that clip where she is repelling in a harness and says "My va-jay-jay 's painin'!" It sparked this whole controversy on The View (which I hate, but it made national news). I mean, va-jay-jay?!? How old are we, 2? And Oprah? What is this world coming to when people can't call it what it is. . .well, a funnier one!

jenandjon, you are right, I am 2dpo and if this keeps going the 2ww will go MUCH faster! Laughter is definitely the best remedy! I hope other people share more hilarious stories.