My egg donor has an autistic sister....

[Mariana101]

what should I do? OMG!!! I really like her and there are not many girls left in this agency.... only four and I don't like the other ones.  What would you do?

[Keep_alive_kicking]

Hi there!
I am in my 8dp3dt using donor eggs and I was not very comfortable using donor eggs at the beginning (worrying about baby's health, future behaviour, talents, etc).
However, our genes do play a role concerning who we are but it is not the only thing that matters. A friend of mine told me to look at 'Fetal Origins' and Epigenetics researches.
There is a very interesting article in Time magazine about fetal origins:
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,2020815,00.html#ixzz10jhgk2rY
Also, there is a very interesting NY Times article on the genome project. You can find it by searching the NY Times website for the article My genome, myself.
Within it, it discusses the most objectively inheritable trait: height. they have found the 12 (13?) genes more responsible for height and have also found that they predict 2% of the variance on height. TWO percent. That means that 98% of someone's height influenced by something other than these genes.
They are not arguing that it's environment that causes these traits, but inheritance may be much more complicated than just genes.

I wish us luck and healthy babies :)

[Mariana101]

I chose another donor because my husband did not feel right about her overall. Thanks to all. My transfer is at the end of next week. Wish me luck:)

[kerry19850307]

your comment autism is environmental rather than genetic factorsFactor ix complex.  i would like to inform yous all as autism can be throw familys i now its genetic as well as i have a son who is autistic and a bro thats autistic a cousin whos adhd thats still classed as autistic family but i also have a daughter who hasnt got it she perfectly fine i was reading this due to i was think about donaton my eggs and now i think i will leave it as some of what yous have writen seems quite selfish yeah you could have an autistic child throw my eggs but its also been proven that its also cause bye to side of childs bilogical parents that have any learning difficultys example dislexic can cause it as well and also any one thats been given a child with autism has been give a very specal bright child that has the ability to do loads more than a normal person they are very cliver little people they just have comunication probles and speach and speach you dont need med to cure them as you cant cure them with medication what they need is speacail love and care and support and only speacail parents can supply that as having ie normal child they can turn out to be crinamals and other things

[Mariana101]

My day did not get any better. My sister in law, who has been through IVF and IUI and you name it and who conceived a one year old girl through IVF told me she got pregnant naturally early July just like me but I lost the baby at 9 weeks... she did not want to tel me before because it was all about our baby, as she said.... OMG!!! I cried so hard. I'm happy for her but I broke down in the car.... badly....
I did retail therapy and got myself few sweaters and shirts.... how vain is that!!! I somehow needed to feel better. Even my client noticed I was crying and wanted me to talk about it but I did not. I'm supposed to be the strong one... I'm a psychotherapist!!!

I'm sad so I'm just letting it be.
Thanks all for your support

Jakl726: the agency won't give me any money back... I had another girl from the same agency and she moved to California. It's upsetting because I chose the agency because I liked the girl, not the other way around it and now I'm sort of "stuck" with them and their four girls from MA. We are not 100% sure of what to do but my hubby told me we should decide by Saturday. The girl with the autistic sister was honest from day one but my husband didn't know because he did not read her profile until recently, since we were pregnant and though we did not need her. My older sister has a PDD (mild autism) child and now he is a teenager doing great. She treated him with allergy medicine from a doctor from FL. BTW, I'm originally from Venezuela but have lived here for 19 years now:)

[jakl726]

i'm sorry if you feel more confused than ever but it is good to know both sides... right?  by no means should you take autism as a death sentence.  medicine has come a long way with autism and most kids have grown as normals kids.  and of course, you still don't know if you'll have one or not with this donor.
unfortunately, you and your husband has to make this decision regardless of our opinions b/c this is your life and a life long responsibility.
if you are not comfortable with going with your original donor after the fact, shouldn't your agency give your money back as in you shouldn't loose money?  unless there was a clause about them not being responsible for anything not disclosed.  you can even do a free lawyer consultation on this if you are loosing money for nothing.  i know a lot of cities/state provide free legal help and i'm sure MA is one of them.
don't loose hope and please don't be hard on yourself.  take it a day at a time... it'll all come together :)))
hope your day gets better. :)

[Mariana101]

my husband is researching other donors but that will mean spending extra $6000 for a new agency fee and basically start all over... this girl is ready to go... but then again... money is not as important as your child health...... I'm loosing it ladies... I swear!!! I told him to narrow down "His Girls" from other agencies and I will look later. This whole thing makes me feel like a loser and my stupid hgh still in the 49 level..... I have to do more blood work next week and who knows if they need to do another d&c to get all the tissue, if any out!!
The day started bad.... I hope it gets better.
I'm off to work now!

[mhv]

From everything I have heard, autism is more environmental then genetic.  I think it is great that she disclosed this information!   My chiropractor has an autistic son and 2 other healthy children... No one else in their family has issues.  I tend to believe it is more enviromental then not.  You never heard of autism 50 years ago.
Having said that.  Maybe doing some reseach will help you feel better, and if not, you could always postpone a little bit and wait for another donor...
I am praying for you and can't wait for you to get started!!!  

[jakl726]

hi-
this is a tough call but more importantly it makes me wonder why this was not disclosed and if there are other (more important... more serious) information that is not being disclosed.  this is a sister with autism... a sibling.  we are not talking about a niece or nephew or grand-auntie... it's a sibling.  and autism is nothing to sneeze about.
good luck!  

[llayton2010]

Autism is extremely common...1 in 150.  We all have our own preferences in what we will and will not take when dealing with a donor.  I too am using a donor, donor sperm.  There were things I wanted to make sure my donor did not have in his family.  What do you feel most comfortable with?  What is more important to you?  No matter what we plan for, the unexpected can still happen. Good luck with whatever you decide, go for what your heart tells you, and if it tells you this is the right donor for you, GO FOR IT!!

[Super_sally888]

Autism is thought to be caused by environmental rather than genetic factors.  

If you like her and feel good about her, I wouldn't let the fact that she has an autistic sister color your decision.

[nshapland]

I'm impressed that she disclosed that information. One of the reasons I'm wary of egg donation is b/c I'm afraid the donor won't disclose information like that...
Is this the donors first time donating?  How old is she?  If you are concerned, can you go to another agency?

[Tryingforbaby2]

I wouldn't be concerned personally. I have a nephew with autism and he has no brothers, sisters, cousines, aunts, uncles, etc who have autism. There is a chance that any child could have autism as there is 1 in ever 1500 have autism.