To tell or not to tell????

[Tanker Chic]

I have to tell my sister about my bfp in the next couple of days, because she knows all about the ttc and iui's, but I probably won't tell other family members or friends until it is confirmed that it is in the uterus and a viable pg. So around 5 or 6 wks.  

DH always says your supposed to (and he wants to) wait 12 wks, but that just isn't possible for me. I'm an open book, and if I had to keep a secret like this, I would literally explode. I just can't do it.. and the thing is, even if we lost it, I would tell all of them the details of that too, there is no shame in it,,, so I really don't see the point..

I know the reasons why they say you should wait, but I just don't agree with them....

What do you think?  Is it being selfish to want to tell?  

good thing it is too early to have to decide if we wanna know the sex, because I'm sure we will disagree over that too :)

[shesherm]

I too am an open book many of you probably know my life story LOL. 1st go round we told everyone but ended having to tell them all the bad news......this time I have told my family and a few select friends.(ooh yeah and evey perfect stranger I meet...gottta tell someone LOL)...DH on the other hand has told everyone.  Im gonna wait till 12 weeks to tell everyone else...

I think you tell those who are closest to you because they are the ones you need to lean on if things go wrong....best of luck and super sticky baby dust

[shayla1]

I'm 11 weeks pregnant and we havent told anyone yet.  We're waiting until we're out of the first trimester.  I want to make sure that everything is safe when we share.  Then we can relax and enjoy people being thrilled for us!

[peekawho]

Of course.  But most ectopics can't be detected this early, as you know.

Good luck.  I hope everything works out well for you.  You asked my opinion, which is that there will not be a lot gained from going in 48 hours earlier, but it is most assuredly NOT my opinion that matters--you are the one who is going through this.  

It's what you feel right about doing that counts.  And if it will make you feel better to go in Monday, you should go, absolutely.  I'm thrilled for you.  I can't wait to hear in a couple weeks that all is going well.  

[Tanker Chic]

Yes, I lost my right tube in March and if you have already had an ectopic, your chances of having another one are 10 - 15%.  Which is pretty significant in my opinion..  They also believe increased levels of estrogen and hcg increases your risk of ectopic, of which I had a shot of both 36 hrs prior to ovulation.. I've had a nagging ache on my left side for the last three days.. As I said earlier, going in monday will allow time for a 72 hour hcg test without going into the weekend.. Also, if the ache on my side is just a cyst, they would be able to see that on an ultrasound..  Unless it went away by wed, and then it would be a big mystery.  And yes there is nothing anybody could do about either of these scenarios but going in on Monday could prevent it from having to get dragged out over the next weekend.. that is all.  

The evening I went to the ER and my tube was removed, I layed in the guest bedroom until midnight with chest pains, because I didn't want to over react and wake up my dh.  When I finally did go to the ER, they said, I don't think it has ruptured because you don't seem like you are in enough pain.  As it turned out my tube was rupturing and my abdominal cavity was filling with blood and that was the cause of my chest pains.  So I don't think I'm one to over react, but considering I only have one tube left (and no kids), I think I'm allowed to be a little protective of it..  

[peekawho]

Diagnosis of what?  You already know you are pregnant, if you had an unmistably clear + HPT.  All they can do is a beta, which will certainly be low (because it's so early, of course) and recommend doing another one in 48 hours.  So many gals go to the doctor so early, they have unbelievably low betas and get very worried until they go a few more times and the betas come up.

Forgive me, I'm old---did you have a history of an ectopic or multiple miscarriages?  There are so many gals I can't keep everyone straight.  If you did, you should absolutely go in early, but I don't know if going in on Monday vs Weds would make a difference at all.  Its only 48 hours.  

I don't think there's a thing that going in a couple days sooner would tell you, but I know most of the ladies here would certainly go earlier.  Do what seems right to you...you are the mom-to-be, not me!  I've done my time childrearing.  Its YOUR opinion that counts.  

[Tanker Chic]

Since your hcg is supposed to double every 48 - 72 hours, going in on Monday would provide more availability for testing.  I realize they wouldn't be able to provide an absolute positive or negative diagnosis this early, but it would at least give me some idea of how things are going.  

[Tanker Chic]

Hello all and thanks for the good input... I think a lot more people probably plan not to tell than those who actually don't tell...lol  

I told my sister and her husband today and made the swear not to tell our parents..  I'm going to wait until I know it isnt' an ectopic before I tell them....  But after than.... I can't make any promises... :)

Technically I'm not supposed to go to the RE until Wed.  Do you think I should call them on Monday and ask to come in early?  Monday will be 14 dpiui.

[kellym]

Well, I'ts just so exciting for you I don't know how you could keep it a secret. With DD, I waited until 14 weeks to tell my sisters because it was going to be a big Easter surprise. I was 16 weeks and had my neice wear a shirt saying that she was going to be the big cousin. Being one of 5 kids, it took a little bit for everyone to figure it out. By this time I had a tank top on that said, "Due in October" THAT WAS FUN!! Boy, it made for a shorter pregnancy, but, the wait by myself was horrible. I thought I was pending a MC for about the first 12, so, it was rough. I think you should GO FOR IT!! Tell Everyone, heck, it's a very, very exciting time for you!!

[willsmom]

We only told my dh's parents, his siblings and 2 close friends until we had our first u/s at 6 1/2 weeks. I had had a m/c in March 06 so I was worried and didn't want to tell the world yet.  I actually planned on waiting until I was more like 8-10 weeks before telling the world but when we found out it was twins, we couldn't keep that a secret!  Luckily everything so far is good.  If we lost one or both now, it would help having all the support from our family and friends, especially since I'm showing.  I think it's a personal decision and that you just have to be prepared for whatever happens.  One of my SIL's waited until she was 13 & 14 weeks with her 2 kids before she told.  There's no way I could keep a secret for that long!  It was like she told one day and a month later, we were finding out if it was a boy or a girl.  Good luck!

[peekawho]

There is no realistic difference between Monday and Weds.  Not sure why you would go in 2 days earlier?  
Don't mean to come off harsh, and my apologies in advance if I offend you.  Its exciting and all, but they won't do anything on Monday they won't do on Weds, right?  

[mommyluv02]

every time i have been preg (5 times 2 live births) i told my mom and my Aunt. this first pregnancy i lost i told everyone in the world and then the next day i m/c so that showed me. cause i had to call everyone back and tell them and then my father asked "what did you do" it wasnt supposed to sound lke that but it did and it hurt a bit. so when i got preg with my son i waited until my u/s at 6 weeks and when i was told everything looked perfect i called everyone agai and it turned out fine but then i had an ectopic and a chemical preg within a few months and i only told a few people about it. but in the end my dh said the choice was up to me in the end who i wanted to tell and i cant keep a seceret for long and if its a good one like yours i would be on the phone all week telling the world. congrats on your pregnancy which is a wonderful thing so i would tell all

[mlb1234]

I had to tell my mom, sisters and bestfriend right away because they all new we were going through a monitored cycle.  We told my husbands brother and his wife at 6 weeks because they asked about our situation.  We plan to tell his parents after the 12 week ultrasound since they basically don't know about our trying the last 1.5y.  I will wait to tell work until the last possible minute.  I don't think it is selfish at all to tell people.  When I had my 2nd miscarriage in February I called my sister crying my eyes out on the day I found out.  I felt totally stupid because she didn't even know I was pregnant.  After that I told myself I would tell my family right away!!

[myrasue34]

My DH was on the phone the next morning after we got the BFP. He was even telling people at the hardware store. I think that its okay to tell right away if you want and if something happens then you have that support as well (which is really important) My friend doesnt want me to tell anyone and I respect that but for us, dh pretty much carried a bull horn around

[miky72]

I would tell your sis,since sisters are the best thing ever,but maybe I'll wait to tell other people..Does it make sense??

[pertykitty]

well hannah i cant keep a secret to save my life!! well when it comes to me anyway lol.  even though we talked about waiting because we told others last time and it sucked to have to tell we lost it, i told anyway!!! that is just how i am though.  i needed the support of my family, when i got my bfp my dh had already left on cruise, so i needed someone!  for me it made it easier than to be hush hush, people would have known i was hiding something lol.  im so excited for yoU!!!!!! when do you go to the dr or for an ultrasound???

[fran28]

ahhhh the question!.... i know it's hard, but with me, like yourself i'm an open book. not to mention the fact that everyone knows my freaking menstrual cycle and what's going on with me so it's kind of hard not to tell them since we've been so open about it since day 1.  i would most likely tell my immediate family, his immediate family and my closest friends.  all work friends could probably wait it out alittle more... i don't know, it's hard. i say that now but i'll probably tell everyone....