i feel like such a *****!!!!!!

[babydayz421]

ive just found out that my uncle and wife are expecting thier 2nd baby dont get me wrong i am happy for them but every time i hear that someone is pregnant i fill so sad and depressed, and as asshamed as i am to say it im so jealous whens it going to be my turn????  everyone in my life is pregnant or already has children its getting me so down that i find myself makeing excuses not to go round friends and familys houses like i used to i cant bare feeling like this!! sorry for going on xxx

[wyld2000]

i feel the exact same way and i feel ugly about it ugh! I want to talk to someone about it, but i know they will think bad about me. The only one i talk to is one of my other sisters cuz she feels the same way, but then she just tells me to be quiet and i need to talk about it cuz i feel like the worse person in the universe!!!!! I am not a bad person either, if anything i love to socialize and have fun.

[Ioanna1980]

I know what you mean... I understand completely.I feel like that too each time a friend or family member announces their news. It's just that question "when is it going to be me???????"....I hope you get your baby soon!!!

[usuk]

This thread is like reading my diary - if I wrote one. I was the last one of every group to get married (except in my college crowd). Friends from my town, friends my grade school, friends my high school, friends from jobs --- all have multiple kids. I know people who were told they did not ovulate and got pregnant with no meds, had one ovary and got pregnant with no meds, got pregnant at 41 with no meds, had twins the first time they had unprotetcted sex, had 5 abortions and had kids no problem --- you name it. And I am about to HOST a second baby shower after 3 miscarriages.  But what can you do? A baby is a great thing and I can't expect people to apologize for a new life. I do wish they would stop complaining about their heartburn or sore feet or gas to me though. Then they say to me "Are you sure you want to do this to yourself?" And I think to myself -  if I can handle seeing my baby boy with no HB at 14 weeks then I think I can handle a little flippin' gas. I think when I'm finally successful at this I promise not to complain or gush to any woman in my life who is not a mom.

[musket83]

Don't you dear feel like ****!!!!! WE ALL DO IT!!!!! After you have been ttc for so long you just like seriously me time please!  There is nothing wrong!  And anyone that loves you will understand!   And your exactly right we all want to know when our time will come!   I know its hard but just know you need to deal with things in your own time!  Goodluck baby dust to all

[gokuangel]

i understand completly i could not be in the same room at my sisters in laws baby shower i was stupid enough for going there but i had to go outside (even though it was 30 degrees that day) i just couldnt stand the though i was like grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr shes 19 why does she get a 2nd baby!! and now my hubbys cousins gf has her 2nd baby and shes 16 and now his other cousins gf is prego and i dont wanna know how old she is!!!!!!! so anyway i totally understand your feelings and yep if ur a b*** then we all are cus we apparently all have the same feeling!! u can vent here anytime u need!!

[Chrissieanddan]

I just want to say I really feel for you I am only 3 weeks into my ivf & feel **** so you must feel even worse. My hubby came home from work the other day & told me his collegue & wife had 3 failed attempts at IVF and couldnt cope with doing it anymore so they gave up doing it completely, 6 months later they fell naturally! I know you probably cant take anymore but try and pick yourself up & feel better take a bit of time out for yourself doing something different maybe a massage or something. Hope you feel better soon

[Chrissieanddan]

well I will keep my fingers crossed that it works for you, they have given me progesterone via pessaries, for when & if I get to that stage.

Its **** sticking needles in every day but hopefully the outcome will be well worth it.
I will let you know how it goes tomorrow.
Take care chill out, remember this is the time for you to relax you dont want any stress at the mo.

[vingulf]

am on my 2ww. transfer was done last 12/26. first blood test on 1/7. still doing the progesterone shots so my bum is sore LOL plus the prometrium and estradiol.

keeping fingers crossed that at least one of the blasts implanted...

[Chrissieanddan]

I got my results back & its not active, so they are keeping me on the de regulating injections, I go back tomorrow to find out what they are going to do. Fingers crossed they can carry on.

I am trying to chill myself out. It is hard, its nice to chat to people who are in the same situation.
Are you still doing your regime?

[vingulf]

A week before I was to start my ivf "regimen", the RE discovered a cyst. He did a test and a couple of days later he was able to remove the cyst by using a long syringe and sucking it out. A week later, I was able to start my regimen. I, too, got scared when he told me he found a cyst (and it was big - I saw it on the monitor). But just like endo, sometimes cysts just appear and its nothing serious.

You're right...things happen for a reason...my mom always tell me that. Sometimes that's hard to accept and it takes a while to sink in...

Good luck!

[Chrissieanddan]

It can be hard & some days you just feel like ****. I have just started IVF you think your hormonal & upset now!! all I can say is my poor husband. Plus they have told me I have a cyst so may not be able to carry on with it. But you know what I am trying to stay positive, everything happens for a reason. The other most important thing is that your body if under pressure will not function properly thats what stress does, so putting yourself under this emotional strain will greatly effect you being able to concieve, and the reason for this is because your body tells you that with your state of mind at present you wouldnt be able to cope with the pressures of a baby. So my advice to you is please try & chill out even if just for today, have a nice warm bath, play some chill out music & think positively.

[onedaysoon]

Ashort - Sounds like maybe it's only a matter of time for you!  I hope the aspirin helps!  Yes, we got pregnant with our DD on our own.  I have PCOS and was on BC before I got pregnant, the doc thinks I ovulated on my own due to the residual hormones from the BC.  Crazy!  Anyway, we just moved so I'm seeing a new RE so we're having to start from scratch.  It's really hard b/c I feel like we're wasting time!  We'll see though.  I am cd 18 and I don't think I ovulated and I'm supposed to fax a temp sheet to the RE this week.  He'll start me on a new cycle if I haven't O'ed.  I'm only on Actos to decrease my insulin restance, he doesn't have me on clomid or anything yet!  I'm pretty discouraged!  Anyway, that's the skinny on me!

Kat - Wow!  What a rollercoaster of emotion!  I'm sorry to hear of your losses; it must have been terrible!  I'm trying to stay positive but you and I noth know how hard that is!   I wish things were easier and I wish it would just happen, I feel like everyone around me is walking on eggshells all the time!  So, let me know about your HSG!  It's really not too bad, a bit uncomfortable but for me it wasn't painful.

Ashleigh - I understand your jealousy and wish I could snap my fingers and fix it!  I'm dealing with a sister-in-law who's pregnant and a lot of friends who are as well.  Wish I had more encouraging things to say!

[ashleighnb]

I know how you feel...three of my cousins are prego and one of my best friends is prego and another cousin just had a baby. I was so jealous when I found out about them especially because one of them is due around march which was my due date when I lost my baby. Its hard but you have to try to stay positive and believe that your turn will come. Good luck to everyone and your endeavours!

[Kat0513]

Ashort

I know I'm not ALONE and this site has been a huge support group from me.  I feel that I'm alone in my every day life which I'm sure is true for most of us on this site.   I'm grateful to be able to go to all of you for support and greatful I have such a great DH.  









Onedaysoon



It has been a tough year for me and I often wonder how I get through it.  The only thing that keeps me going is by trying to stay positive and happy for those who are close to me.   It is not their faults that I'm having these problems.   I know I will have my day soon.  



Here is my story….I don't have any problems getting pregnant, but I do have troubles staying pregnant.   My first m/c's was at 16 weeks in April.  I went in for an u/s at 14 weeks and found the baby stopped growing at 11w5d but still had a hb of 168.   The doctor had me in for a follow-up u/s at 16weeks.  This is when we found out I miscarried between 14 and 16 weeks.  I had a DNC that day and a second one a week later because the ER surgeon left tissue behind.   I didn't get my first AF for 10 weeks.  Got pregnant again in August…at my 6 week u/s there was hb…had a follow-up u/s at 10 weeks and found I had a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks.   I opted to have the surgery this time around.  I passed everything naturally on Halloween.  My first period came on Friday.   I have a hystersalpingography scheduled for this Friday.  HSG is an X-ray of the uterus and fallopian tubes for which contrast dye is injected through the cervix.   I am very excited and nervous to find out the news.  I will give you all an update!!!

[ashort]

I just went to a genetic counselor about my blood clotting disorder and he isn't really concerned.  I'm taking one aspirin a day to thin out my blood but that's it.  Oh and extra folic acid and vitamin b.  Did you conceive your DD on your own?  When I got preg. it was very easily so I don't know what's going on now.  Too bad I couldn't stay preg.  Were you monitored on clomid?  I was and had good follicles and I know I o'ed so I'm not sure what the problem was.  I will tell you clomid did dry up my CM so maybe that was the issue?  What is the next step for you?

[onedaysoon]

Well, my story is pretty complicated but to sum it all up, I have a 2 year old little girl but don't want her to grow up an only child.  We've been trying to get pregnant for almost 2 years now but I'm really irregular.  After 6 months off bc I went to the doc b/c no af at all.  She gave me some provera then put me on clomid.  Nothing the 1st cycle so she upped the dose.  O'ed the 2nd but BFN probably b/c dh deployed 2 days beforehand.  He was gone 4 months so when he got back I went on femara.  1st cycle BFN, 2nd cycle anovulatory, 3rd back on clomid 100 and bfn, 4th & 5th clomid 100 bfn, 6th no meds and ovulated on my own but bfn, 7th cycle anovulatory so I got a referral to an RE.  He put me on injectibles and did IUI's for 2 cycles and still bfns.  That was the end of Aug, beginning of Sept.  We moved cross country the day I started af so I had to wait for my annual pap to get a new referral and that couldn't be done until the middle of nov.  MY RE appt was 6 Dec.  I went 14 weeks without af again and b/c of the provera finally got her the middle of the month.  The doc diagnosed me with PCOS even though I don't fit the description.  Anyway, put me on Actos to decrease my insulin resistance but nothing else.  I'm CD 17 and thought I ovulated but accordingto my BBT I haven't.  I'm pretty discouraged.  I really would just like to ovulate, then maybe we'd have a chance.  So that's my story in a nutshell.  Sorry to hear about your blood disorder, I sure hope it doesn't create problems for you in the long run.  Oh, and we're staying in for New Years as well.

[vingulf]

Oh, I feel bad whining about my friend getting pg and here you are throwing those showers!

Hang in there...like what ashort said, you are not alone. this is a good support group..im so glad i found it.

[ashort]

Oh and I insisted on the m/c screening tests and I have MTHFR gene mutation...blood clotting disorder.

[ashort]

I got preg. in end of April the beginning of May.  I had a m/c at 7 weeks in June.  It took me 14 weeks to get af back.  During that time I started to see a RE.  He wasn't sure why af was taking so long coming back.  He did a water sono and found nothing.  With in 2 weeks I had af.  That was Sept.  We've been trying since.  The first month i didn't o, second and third month I was on clomid and ovidrel.  I produced good follicles but nothing came of it.  This month I took a break from the meds.  I just needed it for myself, my own sanity.  It was so hard to do but I was going every morning before work for u/s  and it was a lot getting up at 5 and racing to work.  I also started acupuncture in Nov.  I figured it can't hurt and it's super relaxing!  DH and I are also feeling very discouraged this New Years.  For the first time ever we are staying home....What's your story?

[onedaysoon]

Your dh also sounds like mine.  I guess it's not that he doesn't understand , he just doesn't outwardly express his disappointment the way I do.  Maybe it's a guy thing.  By the way how are you doing and what's your story?  I just asked Kat about hers but would like to hear about what you are going through.

[onedaysoon]

I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles.  What a tough year for you!  What's your story?  Why the m/c's?  How in the world are you handling all this and what do you tell yourself to get through it all?  My heart goes out to you and I know how bad it hurts!  

[ashort]

Kat0513-  I'm have no right complaining about attending a baby shower when you have had to throw 3.  You are not ALONE as you can tell...since we all feel the same way.  I know where I'm going after the shower on the 13th...HERE.  It is very hard...I had a m/c in June and since then I feel like I've been trying to play catch up to getting preg. again....counting down the months...staring at my calendar...

Onedaysoon-  My dh doesn't really get it either. For the first time though, I saw the pain in his eyes when he heard a couple of his friends wives were preg.  I think he is feeling like I'm feeling he just doesn't show it.  I go to acupuncture...psychics...talk on here...anything to make me feel better.  he just keeps it in.  For awhile he was sick of hearing about it but now I think he is also a little concerned...

[Kat0513]

Don’t feel bad!  I can completely empathize with you.  I had two m/c’s this year. My sister is due tomorrow, my sister-in-law is due in Feb and I have two best friends due in March and April.  This has been one of the hardest times of my life.  I’ve had to throw 3 baby showers since October and each time I return from them, I cry for hours. I know at least 10 people who are pregnant right now and I feel so ALONE.  

[onedaysoon]

Seems like everybody is feeling about the same way I am.  I wish I were in better spirits to start the New Year!  My hubby and I have been trying to get pregnant with our 2nd baby for 2 years now.  It's been so frustrating!  I've only ovulated 8 times in 24 months.  We're currently seeing an RE but for my first cycle he only put me on 15mg of Actos.  We've been through some treatments before, multiple rounds of Clomid, a couple rounds of injections, and 2 IUIs but to no avail BFNs.  Anyway, I'm so discouraged and hopeless.  My sister-in-law found out she was pregnant a week after my last unsuccessful IUI.  She's due in May, 10 days after I would have been.  It's been so hard and what's worse is that we have two trips coming up in Feb and Mar where I'll have to see her with her big pregnant belly.  I'm so upset and I can't really talk to my hubby, he just doesn't understand.  Anyone have any encouraging words?