Genital Warts and my relationship

[elizabethz]

Recently my husband and i had separated, during this separation we were both dating etc.  Now a year later we have decided to reconcile - a couple of days ago i learned that i have genital warts! i am devasted. we have a 3.5 year old son and were planning another. now it seems unfair to ask him to continue in this relationship with me and to go on with our plans of buying a home and expanding our family.
of course i am terrified to live a life alone.  Is there any way that we can be together in "harmony" even after this news? Can we ever have a "normal" life together?

[Forum-M.D.-SP]

I would recommend counseling. Although you are upset, this is not a death sentence by any means. The genital warts can be treated. In fact, the majority of adults in the US have been infected with the virus that causes warts - it is just that a minority of us actually ever grow the warts so that they are visible. In fact, the same virus is what causes PAP smear abnormalities in women, and as you know by the fact that PAP smears are done annually, the virus is very common. Also, couples live together happily where one member of the couple has HIV, let alone a non-life-threatening infection such as genital warts.

Please do not let this prevent you from getting back together. Steps to take:

1) See your gyn about treating the warts
2) Talk to your husband
3) Use condoms while the warts are active and present, until they are treated
4) Consider counseling as part of your plans to get back together, and work through this issue along with the others.

[aim7407]

Hey there, I am sorry to hear about your troubles. Please don't take this the wrong way, but it's really not that big of a deal, having genital warts. Let me explain myself. I can't speak to what it's like to actually have them because I don't have warts,  but I have lot's of friends who do, in fact, they are more common than you might think. I have asked my ob/gyn about them too, and about the Gardasil vaccine for my daughter when she's older.  As you know, genital warts, are caused by a version of the HPV virus, as are the warts you get on your hands, feet, and  also, cervial dysplasia and cervical cancer are also caused by versions of this virus. There are at least 70 strains of this virus, and my doc told me, that by the time you're in your 30's like I am, the likelyhood is Much greater that you have at least some of these strains, than that you don't. I have had cervical changes in the last couple years, I even had mild dysplasia, and then it went away and my last pap was normal. In the majority of women, this virus doesn't cause cancer. You obviously got the strain of the hpv virus that causes you to have the warts. But really, according to my doc, you might have had this for Years,,,, it could even have come from your husband. My doc said that you can have the hpv that causes genital warts for a long time, and not even know it, because you don't develop any warts and then all of a sudden they decide to appear, whether it be because you're stressed, or just becuase. So , it might be hard to say when you actually contracted this, and your husband may even have been the one to give it to you! With a virus like this, that has so many different strains, it's just impossible to tell, where and when you got it. Doc also said, that there is a cream medicine that will treat them, I don't know what it's called, but if you ask your doc, I'm sure they will know. He said lots of times, the warts break out once, and then with some people they never come back. Some people have break outs every couple years. Also it should not lessen your chances in any way of conceiving another child, as my doc told me that my cervical dysplasia (which is also caused by a strain of hpv) would not keep me from having kids. I just had a baby 7 months ago. Now, as for the other problem, of telling your hubby, and feeling like you have done something wrong. You didn't , you two were not together, and it is not your fault that you caught this, If you even did catch it while you were separated. It's just sooooooo common, these hpv viruses, that it's a definite that your hubby  most likely has hpv in some form or another also. I would just let him know, that the gyno said you had this, and that it is very treatable, and shouldn't cause any problems with wanting to have another child. And if you have to , take him to the doc with you at your next appointment, so that you two can talk to your doc together. I know you feel badly, but Don't, because it simply is not something you could have controlled unless you used a condom, and even people that do use them, still can catch genital warts, and things like herpes, with the use of a condom. So be glad it's not something more serious. Please don't let the stigma attached to these kinds of things make you feel badly about yourself.  You don't deserve that.  Just be honest with your hubby. I think you will find he's not going to be nearly as upset as you might think, once you explain how common the many forms of this virus are.  I hope this helps!

[startover07]

My husband and I were seperated for five months. We were planning on getting a divorce so both of us began to move on with our lives. During that time we both slept with other people. I caught chlamidia and did not know about it until after we had decided to work things out. I told him about it and he wasnt happy but we are working through it together. We were seperated so it wasnt cheating. Its best to be honest. I thought that when my husband found out he would change his mind about me but it wasnt the case at all. I can only tell you to be honest and hope that things will be ok. I can only hope your husband will be as understanding as mine was. Good luck