Donors changing their minds, it's unfair

[mature momma]

I am doing IVF with donor eggs. Been on BCP's 21 days and started Lupron shots last Sunday. Yesterday my donor has changed her mind. They have used her twice before and are shocked. My RE says she has the right just as I do to stop at any time and it is stated in the consent form. I know she is donating not selling her eggs and is being compensated for her time and physical dicomfort only. But it just doesn't seem fair that after I have paid for everything she can stop and owe me nothing for the ultrasounds, bloodwork and meds. which are now wasted. On the other hand if I change my mind it is my choice and my money. Luckly we did not get that far. I don't want this to sound like my only concern ws about the money. It is very hard for me after already having 1 failed IVF now my hopes are shattered again. We are average people I can't afford to waste our money. Our insurance does not cover infertility so we have paid out of pocket for everything. Is is how donor IVF is handled everywhere? We are picking another donor next week. Hope this doesn't happen again.

[Forum-M.D.-SP]

Donor IVF is very complex. You may want to consult with an attorney with familiarity with reproductive medicine, so that your agreement with the next donor is more clear and you are protected. Some donors are found through the actual program where you are having IVF. In other instances, they are found through donor agencies. If the donor is known to you, then perhaps you can negotiate an arrangement between you and the donor that will protect you from this sort of financial vulnerability. If the donor is anonymous, then you need to understand the arrangements with the agency or program working with the donor.

I am really sorry to hear about this. This is very unusual, and more of a legal issue than a medical one, hence the advice to seek a legal opinion. Two well know reproductive lawyers in the USA are Melissa Brisman and Susan Crockin.

[peekawho]

No, it doesn't seem fair, but it is her right.

Think about adoptive parents who go right up to the time of the birth, often paying for everything during the birth mothers pregnancy...and then she changes her mind and keeps that baby.  That seems very unfair, but of course it is her right, too.  

I hope it works out for you the next go-round.  Good luck.

[hpng4babe]

Yes, it is her right..but she is playing with your emotions. Some people don't know what we go through to conceive.  It is not as easy as many think (birds & bees).  I hope the next donor is compassionate and continues.