Lisa, you are too funny. God bless ya.
Hey Cyber-sisters. I wanted to say Happy Valentine's Day!!!! I'm having a Valentine's Day party in my classroom today and not one, NOT ONE single parent answered my request to volunteer. So, looks like it'll be a one woman show. Oh well, seems I'm getting use to that theses days.
I want to leave you with a quote for this Valentine's Day. I'm going to take the day off from thinking about ttc and celebrate my life (and body) just the way it is in this moment. Because this moment is really ALL we've got!
"The destination is "to be" and not to arrive somewhere else". (Paul SC, Collins, GM: Inneractions - Visions to Bring Your Outer and Inner Worlds Into Harmony.)
Well, off to celebrate this moment and take Dear Sparky on a walk. It's 5:30am, dark and cold outside and theres a mile long mountainous hill I must climb at the start of my walk. Oh celebratory joy, I will enjoy each stride and moment of it! (-:
Hey--I just pm'd you. I om on my out to get my progsterone test. Love the Insomniac Theatre reference!!!!
Talk to you later (hopefully). 8dpo,cd22 and feeling very much the Debbie Downer.
Lisa that was GREAT! The Insomniac Theatre thing, I mean. And the Valentine's quote too. I took the time to send my hubby a card in which I explained that despite the stresses of what we are trying to do and in case he's wondered at any given moment due to my moods etc... that I am SO lucky to have him in my life.
Heather, I'm so sorry you're still not feeling too great. But honestly, sometimes I think you just have to let yourself be miserable and curl up on the couch with a tub of ice cream or whatever else you might want to spoil yourself with, whether that be a food item, a facial, or somthing else. And all the while you have to just keep telling yourself that no matter how bad you might feel, that this too WILL pass because nothing lasts forever. That's gotten me through a number of down phases when I haven't been able to do something to drag myself out of it... just tellin gmyself that when this day is over, it'll be a new day and I might feel better and if I don't then I just have to get through that day until another one comes along.
Personally, now that I've found my new doctor and we've come up with a date-plan, I'm going to spend the next few days trying very hard not to think about TTC at all.
And I'm also going to try to lose the TEN pounds of put on over the last few months.
Is there something about IVF that makes one gain weight?????
Hugs and SSBD to all.
Helen, just an FYI... I'm not going to be in the 2WW until around the 4th of April now.
I bet your progesterone # is the highest it's ever been! That will certainly cheer you up.
enjoy the celebration. Your life certainly warrants a celebration! An independent self-sufficient woman like yourself should be proud of your many achievements and healthy lifestyle. I wish I could celebrate Lisa Day with a big drink but I am in 2ww :( I can only hope that Empty will have one for me!
I am stuck in 2ww land but hope to move on in some direction in the nearest future (in a week). I just wanted to say how much I admire your strength to live through what you went through with so much grace and to keep trying. You are my inspiration!
Helen: Or should I say Halya. Your mention of your heritage brought back many fond memories of my early 20's when I became an honorary Ukie (of course it required a great many shots of Vodka, but it was well worth it. NASTROVIA) Sorry to hear about the evil MIL. Her loss is our gain. Perhaps if she was the kind of person you could talk to, you wouldn't have stumbled upon this site. Any symptoms or twinges? Don't mean to add to the stress, just curious.
Lisa: What's up with those parents. Not even one willing to pitch in. I am sitting here, not working now, I would have come to help. I would have even gone for a walk with Sparky.
Heather: I am feeling a great progesterone #. My fingers a crossed.
I am feeling a little crampy right now. Usually means AF in less than a day. For the first time in a very long time, I welcome her with open arms. The priming portion of my cycle is over. Once AF shows, I begin the stim portion on CD2.
Helen... sorry... how did THAT happen??? I'm obviously totally out of touch so do forgive me. Here I thought you weren't going to be in 2WW for some time yet! Duh!
Again, my apologies. And thank you for the very kind words. I feel they are totally undeserved because I feel that I had no choice in the matter, but thank you anyway!
I guess the same can be said for all of us... we get knocked down again and again but we're all still here supporting one another and plugging away at TTC.
Mary, you sound so positive and that's GREAT to hear. Good luck.
Lisa, I can't say I'd have volunteered to help but I'd definitely have gone for a walk with Spraky! (much as I'm desperate to have children and much as I love my friends' and family members' children, I'm SO not good with large numbers of little people!!!)
Right... I'd best gear up for the next bit of DH's daughter's visit... she was away for 3 days and much as she's been lovely, it was so much more stressful than I expected. It's the first time one of them visit us since we were married and I can't stop stressing about whether she's happy or not, whether I'm crowding her or not spending enough time with her, whether she's bored, whether she likes the kind of food I cook... ooofffffff.... and frankly, at 36, I just don't feel equipped to deal with my DHs 24 year old daughter! But in all fairness, it's gone fine. I treat her like a friend and it's been fine... ten more days!!!
Magda--You probably think I am such a putz for being all moddy for no reason at all after what you have had going on! You are sweet :-) I agree about having full on pity parties when needed. This mood is different than sadness, it's like a void of emotion and motivation. Luckily, it's getting a bit better today, as I got some sleep. Thanks for your concern, and good for you for focusing on life, not just TTC.
Helen--I am a geographical and political idiot, so I don't even really understand the whole USSR, Russia, Ukraine thing. Pathetic, huh? What an advertisement I am for Tulane!! But, I have always wanted to raise my kids bilingual, or even trilinguil, as I know how difficult it is to learn a foreign language. When I lived in France I was amazed at how everyone in Europe spoke at least 2 languages. I also got an interesting viewpoint about the pros and cons of being an American citizen. I am so impressed by what a "woman of the world" you are! (Magda also--she and I have even exchanged a couple of pm's in French!) I love finding out more about each of us here, and it amazes me how much we can all relate to one another despite how different our backgrounds are.
Mary--I am so very excited for you. . .I have a great feeling that you will be pg soon. Must be nice to not mind AF coming, for once! You know my prayers and thoughts are with you :-)
Lisa--You are so dang cheerful it makes me feel guilty! Seriously, you are in and of yourself an inspiration. The quotes are nice, but your own wisdom is always better in my opinion! Sorry about the lazy parents, but maybe it is a blessing, since they can probably be as bad as the kids at times :-D
Well, I did get the results of my progesterone test. My level was in the mid 40's! Zoinks! I guess I really did super-ovulate, since every other level has been in the 9 or 10 range. This means I don't have to fill the script for progesterone suppositories--YAY. Those don't sound too fun. I scheduled a blood test for pregnancy next Wednesday. I just cannot do the whole POAS thing. I don't trust it for some reason. (Gawd, I am beginning to sound like a paranoid schizophrenic!) I really don't feel any signs of AF, except a bit of soreness in the boobs. This is the first month in a looong time that my skin is clear, I am not all weepy, and not craving chocolate. It's such a mindf*ck, pardon my French. I don't know if it is my new regime, or if I could be pg, or what. I guess we'll find out next Wednesday. In the meantime, spontaneous bursts of extreme hunger and tiredness is what my world is all about.
Thanks again to each and every single one of you for being here for me during this rather rough last few days. I can honestly say I love you all!
I wonder how Lexima (Milana) is doing??? I miss her.
Told ya!!! I knew your level will be super high! That's a good beginning. Bursts of extreme hunger and tiredness are also promising. I bet this is going to be your month!
HeathJo: Wow, what an awesome number. Hope it is a sign that everything is falling into place for you.
Glad you're feeling a bit better. Fingers are crossed for next Wednesday.
Mary and Magda, thanks for wanting to go on my walk with Dear Sparky and me. He and I would have really enjoyed the company!
Heathjo, it is so funny how "cheery" I am feeling. I was telling Helen in a pm earlier that I feel like the HCG was a happy pill. I've just been in this great mood and don't even know why! However, last month I was feeling exactly as you are. VERY, VERY depressed, lethargic, unmotivated and really rather hopeless. It was by far the worst month I've had since ttc. I don't know anything that brings one out of those feelings other than time. Also, like I mentioned earlier, a change of scenery sometimes really helps too. My prescription for you is to take a candle lit bubble bath, turn on some low mellow music, maybe even invite dh to join you in the bubble bath. Have a good long cry and read a cheap taudry novel, or if you're artisitc do some drawing/sketching or paints. Feed your soul in some way completely unrelated to ttc. My prayers and thoughts are with you! Also, like Helen said this could very well be your month!
Helen, my steadfasts friend. Thanks for the compliment. Lisa day, very cute!! I hope you and dh have a nice Valentine's Day dinner tonight.
Fiona - Have you and dh made romantic plans tonight?
I had a fun, full exhausting day with the little tykes and then Sparky and I had a nice little evening walk as the sun was going down. Then, I met my mother for a greasy, Valentine Day dinner. Would much rather be with dh wherever he may be at this moment. (See I get to live all the romance vicariously through each of you). I can hear the collective moans now "ttc is NOT romantic!" I know, I know, but my dreams are all I have at this moment. Want to hear something else....I POAS! LOL (I'm laughing so hard at myself right now!) 2 dpo, and I POAS. Now I had my reasoning. I wanted to just experience what seeing two lines would feel like. (Oh gosh, I am just cracking up at myself!) I thought that way I'll at least feel like it is possible. Of course it was BFP. (But really just the HCG) think I 'll frame it. (-:
Thanks guys. We shall see.
Heather, you don't seem pathetic at all !!! If I've learned anything from the last few months of TTC, it's that you really can't judge others because you just never know how something that you may know nothing about might be affecting them. I've seen myself react to things in ways I never dreamed were 'me' and we have to accept that it all takes its toll. Plus, I am absolutely certain that the lack of sleep is not helping you in the slightest. My GOD! The first thing lack of sleep does is affect your mood and energy levels! However, I hope you're feeling a bit better for the high levels.
Helen, how are you doing in 2WW-land?
Lisa, you're TOO funny! But the firghtening part is I SO understand you and now I want to do the same!!! I have one HPT that I found in the bottom of my drawer and I'm thinking I might actually save it for the day I get the HCG shot just to see those two lines. God how I'd LOVE to see those two lines!!!
Aren't we daft!?!?!
Oh how sad, I am the only one awake! I am running rampant in the Insomniac Theatre, turned up all the lights, and am cranking up the music as loud as it goes! Might as well, seeing as how I won't be disturbing any other of you nice folks.
I just got through reading a bunch of internet stuff on early pg signs and am convinced I will get a BFN. I am not nauseous, my bbs look the same color, no implantation bleeding--NADA senoritas! I am more trying to convince myself so I won't be too disappointed next week when I get the blood test. I am sure I will go ahead and cave in and POAS before Wednesday if I am still unsure.
Today is 9dpiui,cd23, so the earliest I would test would be Monday (12dpiui,cd26).
I saw that a post from you came through and thought, "Oh NOOOOOO... she's awa-a-a-a-ake!!!!!!"
And Heather, I truly do understand the trying to convince yourself of a BFN. That's very much me... I go a step further and can't admit that's what I'm trying to do because I tell myself I really have to BELIEVE it otherwise I'll jinx myself!!!!! Talk about being daft!
But you know, my sister had no symptoms at all. To the point that she was convinced the lab had got test results mixed up with someone else. She didn't believe she was pregnant until she saw a heartbeat.
I'm sure you've tried everything there is to try but would warm milk help at all? I used to suffer a fair bit from insomnia and much as it might sound like an old wives' tale, warm milk did actually help.
Heather are you still up??? Well girls i had more wine tonight....i think i am now offficially getting dutch courage for the next 4 days before my appt with the clinic. What of they laugh at me and say it was all a dream and they actually meant i would have no chance of having a baby. ok obviously i need another drink to calm down now. hic!
Emtpy - LOL, you sweet little lush. (-: I don't think there is any chance at all of that happening. You have every chance of having a baby. LOTs, and LOTs of women have babies with one good tube. It only takes one tube, to release one egg, to produce one baby. You've got it a goin' on girl! You have the goods!!
Heatherjo - The insomonia is murder! I once went 9 days without sleeping. Came to find out my thyroid was off. But, boy did I become a different person in those 9 days and EVERYTHING, I mean EVERYTHING was magnigified. Things that normally, I wouldn't bat an eye at, would send me over the edge. On the rare occasion that I would sort of 1/2 drift off for 30 - 40 minutes, I would then wake up with the racing heart and panic attacks. I think your insomonia that your experiencing now, is hormonally induced. At least you are able to get some naps in so your body and mind is at least getting some kind of rest. Like Magda said I'm sure you've tried everything. But, sometimes when it's been going on for a few days or more, the insomonia feeds on itself. And it can just keep getting worse and worse. I know your in 2ww, but maybe for just one night to maybe get yourself back on track - you should take something for it. Tylenol PM, or if you have anything stronger like Ambien, or Xanax. Just for one night might give you some reprieve. Hope your sleeping now.
Magda - I highly recommend you POAS when you KNOW it's going to be BFP. It really does lift the spirits and gets you into the mind set, that YES this may happen after all.
Heathjo, I feel so bad for your insomnia. Can you take some herbal remedy like melatonin? Of course the stress of tww isn't helping.
You know I've never POAS!
Lisa, I had a very unromantic Valentine's day. My dh went home (Ireland) on Tuesday, he's not back until Monday. I spent the night feeling sorry for myself, cried for a couple of minutes and then I watched Lost. I love that show although I have no idea that's going on half the time.
Magda, you are an amazing lady and an inspiration.
Empty, please have a drink for me. Best of luck with your appt.
Helen, how is tww going. I'm praying for you.
HeathJo: I really feel for you. I hope this insomnia works itself out quickly. It must be especially difficult for you since your sleep was disrupted for years with your neck pain. It is certainly not what you need now. TTC and 2WWs are torturous even under the best circumstances. I'm pulling for you
Empty: I am a big fan of the whole liquid courage thing. Just 4 more days until your appointment. Good luck.
Fiona: Sorry Valentine's day was a bust. Mine was as well. DH works his regular job on Thurdays, stays at his office and catches a few hours of sleep, then does an overnight shift. The only time I got to see him was at 6am when he was on his way out to work. He's usually exhausted by the time he gets back home at 5pm Friday. What part of Ireland is your dh from?
Magda: With every post you make, I am more and more impressed with your strength and courage. You just seem to take everything in stride and look for the positive. I am trying to do that now, aw well. No more dwelling on the negative.
Lisa: You always make me feel good. Your attitude is so positive, and you emit such strong positive energy. I wish I had more people like you in my life.
Helen: What can I say. I feel like you are the foundation of this group. You provide so much strength and wisdom. You can always be counted on to provide sound, factual information and you always offer so much encouragement. You never ask for anything for yourself. I hope you know that we would all like to help you as much as you have helped us.
As expected, AF showed up this morning. I have to go to my clinic tomorrow (between 7-8am) for b/w and u/s. If everything is as it should be, I will begin stimming tomorrow night. Unless they change it, I will start with 450 Follistim and 150 Menopur. Does anybody have any experience with these meds so I know what to expect?
Mary, good luck with your appointment tomorrow. I took follistim last month and had no problems. Going back to Gonal F next month but only because I wanted to change all my protocol after my disasterous retrieval. Doing antagon instead of lupron and novarel instead of ovidrel. Sorry your Valentine's was a bust, hopefully you get to celebrate another day instead. My dh is from Co. Carlow, I'm also Irish from Co. Louth.
finally we can celebrate AF coming!!! When is your first u/s? I am sooo excited for you! Also, thank you for your kind words. I am not a good foundation though since I am having regular melt-downs, about every 28 days :)
many women, including Mary experienced no symptoms till after a positive HPT. Many of the signs you were describing will appear only in the 3rd trimester! As for implantation bleeding, it's a rare sign and I am convinced that it's a bad sign. Many friends of mine on this forum who had implantation bleeding ended up with an ectopic or early miscarriage. No implantation bleeding to me is a GOOD sign. This is just my personal observation, not a scientific fact! Please don't get discouraged. I wish I could make you smile and take your blues away but I am not a very funny person. EMPTY is MUCH better at that: she always makes me laugh!!!
Well, I have zero symptoms myself and I am spending my spare time looking for a source to order my ivf meds from. Yesterday I called my insurance and they confirmed that none of my drugs/treatments will be covered. The ironic thing is that state of TX has a law that requires insurance Co's to offer infertility coverage including ivf coverage. However, most employers who provide health benefits choose to decline it so this law is so useless!!!
Ladies thank you all for the positive comments but I'm a little embarrassed because I truly don't feel they're deserved! However, thank you.
Fiona, you can at least take comfort in the thought that HAD your DH been around, he'd surly have done something special for you. My DH had a lousy, crazy day at work and ended up having to collect his daughter who just returned form a trip to Petra off the side of the road where the taxi basically abandoned her so he totally forgot to bring me any flowers or anything and seeing as this is his daughter's first visit, we weren't about to do anything particularly romantic anyway so the whole thing was pretty much ignored!
Granted, it's all very commercial and all the rest of it but geez, at least I sent him a card with a meaningful soul-outpouring type of message due to a disagreement we had the other day. What'd I get?? Nothin'!
Ah well... such is life.
As for Lost... I LOVED that show in the first season... mainly because of whatshisface... ooofff... what was his name????? The good looking, unshaven one? But then the total lack of plot just annoyed me.
Empty, you'll be fine!!! I'm sure we've all had moments where we've thought... "OMG, what if I just CAN'T have children?" but we CAN. We just have a few hurdles to jump over for whatever reason or none at all... point being, they're there and it makes the whole exercise a little more challenging but we can handle that because we get stronger with every passing day!!!!!!!
Mary, good luck tomorrow... sorry, I don't have any idea re the meds but I have my fingers crossed for you.
As for me, not to shatter any positive images and convince you all that I'm a total nutter... but I'm only just starting to manage to convince myself that I'm not going to be punished for things going my way!!! See, first the doctor here worked out then he told me that I could absolutely take more pills to delay AF and therefore go to my conference in Delhi which means being able to stop in Doha to visit my sister and I finally spoke to him and he confirmed that it's okay to take the pill for an extra 10 days rather than just a few days which means I can delay everything those few extra days so that my sister can come and visit me (for the first time in Damascus) during her mid-term break without me having to stay in bed due to having just undergone a transfer... it just all seems to be going my way and I find that really, really scary!!!!!!! I was speaking to my sister the other day and saying that perhaps I should cancel my trip just to spite myself and, in a way, "pay up" in advance!!!
Okay.. .I'd best shut up now... off to make dinner...
Oh Magda, Magda, Magda, we are sooooo very much alike! Of course, I am setting myself up for failure, and when things go my way I ALWAYS question or sabotage it! More so question now that I am older and God I hope a bit wiser! Take off your scarlet letter, you have no dues to pay, silly girl. Even if you did, you'd have paid them. Like you said, whether things happen for a reason or none at all, they happen and we just have to deal with them, however twisted our methods may be at times. An thanks for your concern about my sleep disturbances! I am just like a baybe myslef, and once I get off chedule I stay off for a while. I was up until 11 am this morning, and slept until about 3 pm, so I got about four hours in today. I should have checked back in here last night, but I figured I'd just be staring at the screen, willing my international friends to come and post!
Mary--You siad everything to everbody I would have said or would say now, except that we all know I am bit off thesedays! You are so naturally sweet and maternal, and I am so happy your new cycle has begun. I am excited to see what happens each and every day with you! I took follistim this month, but at a much lower dose (75) and within a different protocol. I can say that the stuff works! My ovaries produced like never before.
Helen--Thank God Mary has the sense and sensibility to say what she said, because you are a rock for us all. Your input about implantation bleeding was just what I needed to hear, it is like you read my mind! I did start having what I feel are more AF symptoms when I woke up from my nap today, but it ain't over till it's over. If you are feeling nothing, I say that is a VERY GOOD (lack of a) sign! (Does that even make sense???) I agree about the law here in Texas--it's a ridiculous waste of legislative paper and ink. Businesses and organizations do not give a c r a p if you can have kids or not. In fact, they dicourage it, b/c it "takes up personal time and money". Why would they CHOOSE to pay more to cover us? The law has to be enforcable to be any good. Sheesh. Anyway, I hope this is YOUR month.
Fiona--Well I am 1/2 Irish by descent, and have ALWAYS, ALWAYS wanted to visit the motherland. How cool is it that you are Irish? Who knew? We have such an internationally diverse and savvy group here, it is astounding! How in earth did you and dh end up here? (HELEN--I meant to ask you the same question). Speaking of dh, I am sorry he was gone and you missed him. Poor baybe. Mine was here, but we just kind of hung out. He buys me flowers every week, so I always tell him everyday is like Valentine's! I got him a card and some Reese's peanut-butter hearts--which he loves. SO, not every couple is jetting off to Paris or something, but at least we were together. I am sorry you were alone :-( BTW--where are you in your cycle?
Empty--since taking the Metformin I aboslutely could not drink even if I were not in the 2ww. I am so jealous! A tall glass of red wine--Pinot Noir--would cure my insomnia and probably help my mood! I love your silly posts, they make me smile, but be sure to take good care of yourslef, too. Must be perky for that appt coming up!
Lisa--Yes, getting the naps in help, and I am so sorry you have experinced this nightmare yourself. I have had my thyroid, adrenals, and all that checked out, it just runs in the family. I pm'd you everything else, so excuse my lazy butt for not repeating it here. You know I love ya!
So, my symptoms seem to me to be turning a bit more in the AF direction, but on "paper" it looks like pg. My bbs are burning (like first month on Clomid) and I am cramping in I guess my uterus? I don't know what part of my anatomy it is, and if it IS my uterus, I have never had anything residing up in there, so how do I know where I am feeling anything? As much as I would love to think positively, I really in my heart think my body is just reacting to the new meds. It just feels like it did month 1 of Clomid. But, as I said, it ain't over till it's over.
Hugs and love and everything to all of you, my angels!!!! I would be oh -so-very-lost without each and evry single precious one of you! XXXXXX