Another MISCARRIAGE

[Kat0513]

I found out at 16 weeks on 4/24 that our little had stopped growing and died around 11 weeks.  And now today the same thing happened, I went in for a 10 week u/s and found that our little on stopped growing, but this time at 7 weeks.  I’m totally heartbroken and don’t know what to do.  Why does this keep happening?  Am I just not capable of carrying a baby?  
My doctors on vacation this week and we have decided to pass this one naturally.  I’ve had two DNC’s this year and don’t want to have to deal with another.  I hear that passing them naturally is extremely painful, and I’m really scared.  Next week we will ask my doctor if we can have a panel of tests done to see what is going on, but the nurse said that they typically don’t do this until you have 3 miscarriages.  Is that typically true?

[Kat0513]

How can I add you as my friend on this website?  

One of my biggest frustrations is that unless you’ve been through what we’ve been through, NO SEEMS TO understand.  DH and decided that we would still tell our parents and brothers and sisters this time around but NO ONE else.  We thought they would be a good support team.  The heck with them…..my sister came over for a few hours on Wednesday when she found out and I haven’t heard from her since, I haven’t heard from any of my in-laws.  Two of them I would consider good friends of mine.  I guess to everyone else, it is no big deal.  It makes me never want to share anything with them.  How can people be so heartless?  The last time I miscarried, my sister stayed away from me because she was pregnant and didn’t want to stress over my loss.  

I feel I need some sort of support group to keep me going.  I’m so pleased that I’m making friends with people like you on this website.  Keep in touch.  I'll keep you updated on my situation.  I'm praying that I'm able to pass this one naturally and soon.  I really don't want to have another DNC this year.    

[Kat0513]

I like what you said "The advice I would give you is not to be strong for anyone.  I tried to do that, and it made it worse.  I made myself believe that other people needed to be strong for me during this time, not the opposite."  I agree 100%.  I need to stay strong for myself.  

[SLB123]

I understand exactly how you feel. right when I found out I was pregnant, one of my husbands cousins found out she was pregnant-we were due within a couple of weeks of eachother. I m/c in March, found out another of his cousins was pregnant-due in Nov., sister in law found out she was pregnant-due end of Dec. When I found out I was pregnant again in Oct. I thought everything was going to be ok, only to m/c in Nov. I couldn't go to my husbands cousins baby shower let alone go to see her in the hospital when she had the baby. I didn't even call them for a few weeks, it was awful. I felt sad and on top of that guilty but I couldn't do it. my husband turned 30 in Dec. so we had a surprise dinner for him and neither of them (cousin or sister in law)  were invited by me...I felt totally selfish. so the holidays were extremely hard, I wanted to be happy for them but I was so sad for me. why did they have their babies when we didn't?! it just doesn't seem fair sometimes. this March we found out my sisters best friend-who is almost like a little sister to me found out she was pregnant, and in May I found out 2 of my closest friends are pregnant also-one due Dec. 10th and one the 11th so they are pregnant together. neither of them were trying of course and one of them is having twins on top of it. I finally brought myself to go to my sisters friends baby shower in Sept. and it wasn't bad once I got there. but I won't lie and say I didn't feel sorry for myself. I saw my dr. for a check up a few weeks ago and she asked how I was feeling about the m/c now and I told her even after almost a year since the last one it's still hard. not as hard but still extremely frustrating, especially not knowing why they happened. she said it's totally normal-take the time you need to grieve. I also thought about joining a support group but never went that far. I'm sure if you ask your dr. or call a local hospital they could point you in the right direction. thanks so much for "listening" to me, it helps to talk it out to someone who understands. like yours, my dh is very understanding but as a woman you feel like your body betrayed you and it helps to talk with another woman. nobody in my family or circle of friends has ever had one so nobody feels that pain. just do the best you can and I like what love1221 said-I made myself believe that other people needed to be strong for me during this time, not the opposite. keep in touch and I hope you figure something out real soon!

[love1221]

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I have gone through 2 MC myself.  One recently this month.  It doesn't get any easier each time.  I still break down from time to time.  I'm also surrounded by pregnant people...2 at work and my sister in law.  The advice I would give you is not to be strong for anyone.  I tried to do that, and it made it worse.  I made myself believe that other people needed to be strong for me during this time, not the opposite.  I also gave myself a day to just simply cry about it.  I'm sure you've given yourself that time...but if not, do it.  I let myself have the one day and then I got up the next day and went back to work.  Good luck to you in the future!  You'll be in my prayers.

[Kat0513]

I didn’t feel like you were rambling on.  It is always good to hear different stories.

I'm not sure what my doctor will do or if my ins. company will cover the testing. I certainly hope so; I don't understand why I would have to go through this again before anything can be done about it.  DH and I decided that if our ins. company doesn't pay for it, then we will get pregnant right away this time without waiting as recommended by my doctor for 3 periods.  That may sound horrible, but my instincts are telling me that something is wrong.  I felt it from the very beginning of my first pregnancy.  

One of the hardest things for me right now is that I’m throwing 2 baby showers next month, one for my sister and the other for my sister-in-law.  I’m just not in the mood to do this right now, and I know I have to be strong for them.  It is not their fault.  Also, 2 of my good friends and a cousin of mine are due in March.  I’ve considered joining a support group, but am not able to find any in my area.  Maybe I just don’t know the right places to look.  DH is an excellent support person to have, I just need more.

Keep me posted with your research and findings and best of luck to you.  Keep in touch!

[SLB123]

I was just seeing a family dr. with my last pregnancy that resulted in a live birth (my son is 3). when I got pregnant in Jan. 2006 I saw her again...I ended up spotting and had an ultrasound at 6 weeks and saw the heartbeat. spotting was still going on so I went back a week later and no heartbeat. I know a lot of women on here unfortunately know exactly how your heart just feels like it's being ripped out of your chest at that moment, including you. anyway, I got pregnant again in Sept. of 2006 and started spotting again right around the same time. we had 2 ultrasounds, dr. put me on progesterone supp. to see if that would help. m/c again, this time we never saw a heartbeat. after the 2nd m/c she sent me to a high risk ob dr. and he said because of my cycles being irregular maybe the clomid would help. he did say we could go ahead and start testing but that most ins. don't cover it until after 3 m/c...so it could be quite expensive and that a lot of times they can't find anything wrong. but I think he's willing. his nurse said my next step would be being sent to Green Bay for specialist care. the thing is my husbands ins. doesn't cover all the extra fertilty stuff but his open enrollment is coming up in Nov. and if I can change it to cover that maybe it will be a different story. I was just hoping we would become pregnant on our own and our luck would change. we do have 2 children that were both conceived naturally but adding a third seems to be an uphill battle. let me know how things go for you ok? sorry I rambled on!