I don't think I can do this again

[meeshy9]

Hi all

I'm writing this with tears streaming down my face and my entire body shaking, I just need a shoulder or two to cry on.  I think I'm having another miscarriage.  I don't think I can take this again.  When I wiped a little while ago after using the bathroom there was some brown blood mixed in with some discharge and I've been having some twinges - not strong enough to call them cramps, just twinges.  And though my bbs have been quite sore for the past few weeks, I feel like they are less so today.  I know these things can be normal - I'm only 6 weeks - but I can't stop thinking the worst, especially having gone through this already, also at 6 weeks.  And I am alone.  My husband is currently on a plane somewhere over the ocean on his way to Germany.  I am supposed to be flying home to see my family (and tell them the good? news) tomorrow.  We haven't told anybody else yet that we're pregnant.  I am so scared and I don't know what to do.  I can't not go on my trip, but should I try to see a doctor while I'm there?  Is there some way to get blood tests and/or an ultrasound without a doctor's request?  I don't know how I am going to make it through tonight and hold it together in front of my 3 year old daughter tomorrow.  I just don't know.

Thanks for letting me vent.  I feel minisculy (is that even a word?) better.....

[kikicoates78]

~YAY~ for you I'm glad things all worked out! I knew they would ;)

[bny807]

Thats WONDERFUL news!!!! i'm so happy for you! :) have a great rest of the pregnancy!!!!

[hannah1505]

congrats xxx

[meeshy9]

Hi everyone!  First of all - THANK YOU!  You all gave me at least a little bit of peace the last few weeks, and reminded me to breath and be calm.  I'm so sorry I haven't been on here to update everyone - I've been trying not to obsess and that's impossible when I'm on here all the time!  Anyway - good news!  Everything seems to be fine.  My story:

So after my original post, in which I had a tiny amount of brown spotting, I endured a week of not knowing what was going on while I was traveling.  I got home, got in to see my doctor (well nurse, at least) and she ordered a u/s for the next day.  I had the u/s last Tues.  And saw a teeny tiny beautiful little heartbeat!  Everything looked good and healthy and I was finally able to relax.  Then, an hour later, I started more brown spotting, this time much more than the first time I saw it.  It ended up lasting 3 days, during which I totally freaked out.  But, it never turned red, and eventually stopped.  And I still FELT pregnant, so I managed to calm down.  I had another u/s this past Friday and again saw that little heartbeat.  I can't even describe how much peace that brought me.  I feel like I can finally be excited about this!  I am now 8w5d and feeling very positive.  And nauseous, and exhausted!  But, hey, I'm not complaining!  

Thank you all again, from the bottom of my heart, for all of your kind words and prayers.  They really helped me get through this ordeal.  I wish all of you all the best!

[carisa]

Any news yet? I hope everything is ok.

[meeshy9]

Unfortunately I am traveling so I wouldn't even know where to go to get an u/s except the ER.  I would love to go just to get that peace of mind, but I've decided to wait until I get home.  I have a scheduled dr appt next mon, but I return home on thur and am hoping to get in earlier.  I am really hoping for good news, and maybe a heartbeat!  Thanks for your thoughts.

[carisa]

It's wonderful that you haven't spotted anymore. Can you go to the doctors today to ask for an ultrasound to see if things are ok? That's what I would do if I were you, that way you can know for sure that things are still ok. At 6 1/2 weeks you are far along enough to be able to see what is going on in there. Good luck!

Carisa

[candie429]

Aw meeshy, I can certainly understand why you are worried.  I pray things get better and you never have to go through that pain again.  That's great news that you haven't had anymore spotting.  Take care of yourself!

[meeshy9]

Thanks for the support, it means so much to me.  Its really been a life saver for me to get on here and have you all remind me to relax!  So far, so good, there has been no further spotting.  I still worry a little because with my last mc I started spotting at 9.5 wks but the ovum never made it past 6.5 wks.  So I know that just because I don't feel anything doesn't mean everything is ok.  Plus, I'm 6.5 wks now and just a little paranoid!  I'm doing ok though.  I feel like I'm back in the tww wait just trying to make it through the last week to get good news!

Hope you all are well!

[GMB08]

aw hun....try to think good thoughts..while it is so easy to focus on the negative...give your mind a twist...and restructure your frame of mind....find out what the dr says.....and go from there! we are here for u! hugs and prayers

[mommyin10]

It's good to see you're feeling better.  Hang in there & know we're all pulling for you !!! :)

[meeshy9]

Thanks everyone!  I am feeling calmer.  I've decided to go to the ER when I get to my parents if the spotting has increased or turns red.  If not, I will just wait till I get home - I have my first appt with my OBGYN the day after I get home.  Man, this is hard.  It helps so much to have everyone here to talk to, especially the times when I have no one else.  Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart.

[Tracy489s]

Calm down - the spotting, etc are all normal.  I've had a number of miscarriages, and each and every one I had a horribly sharp cramp on my lower back and another shooting pain in my back shoulder blade.  I never had the slight cramping in my ovaries, and if you do some research you'll find it there also.  Calm down - don't get yourself upset - your baby feels everything you do and your daughter will be able to read right through it.  It will all be ok if you relax.  

Best of luck!!

[leighanne143]

many women have bleeding in early pregnancy.  as long as it does not turn bright red and constant, it is pretty normal.  call you OB on-call or go to the ER if you are nervous.  6 weeks is normal to have that happen, try to stay positive.

[Pinktootie]

I'm with kikcoates, try to calm down Meeshy9.  I remember once I was all worked up and crying and praying to God and asking why would he not bless me and my dh with a child.  and little did I know I was 4 weeks preggers at that moment and did not know it.  So there is the possibility that every thing is just fine.  Just pretend it is until you know for sure that it isn't.  Go see your family and try to be happy about the possibilities.  And remember no matter what happens, you still have your husband and you can always try again and again until you get it right.

[kikicoates78]

I know the feeling! My hubby was at work when I got the call that my numbers were cut in half. We had been TTC for 4 yrs, to finally have it then to be ripped away, I didn't want to call him at work because he was going to be destaut! It was his first "baby" but I had awful cramps! So I kinda knew it was coming, you are NOT cramping! PLUS crying and sobbing can make you ache more :(   .......SO STOP :) It is probly an isolated incident!

[meeshy9]

Thanks so much, it really helps to have someone remind me of that.  Its just that with the last one I had myself convinced that the minor spotting was normal and there were no problems, only to find out otherwise.  I've calmed down some and am trying to thing positively.  The hardest part is that my husband isn't here and I can't even talk to him - I feel untethered without him....

[kikicoates78]

OH I'm sorry you are so down, I know how difficult it is, I've been there. You just have to remain positive. As hard as it is, you putting yourself through this is not good! Remember too that you are a big ball of hormones right now! My breast tenderness also started coming and going around 6 weeks! Twinges are also normal your uterus is stretching, and it can also cause minor spotting! Please calm down and try to think positive! ((HUGS))