385161 tn?1270081218

Lost a twin:(

Well today I went for an ultra sound and our little angel baby b is no longer with us, her heart was not beating anymore. I am 35 weeks pregnant and due to deliver at 36 weeks (May 11th) I just have no idea how to deal with any of this and am having a tough time, although I feel blessed to have a healthy twin in there that will survive I am not sure what to do about the one that passed....

they asked me if I want a burial...I said no cremation would be better.
they asked me if I want to see her after she is born---i am wanting too but not sure its a good idea

I am sad:( I knew that there was a good chance this could happen--for anyone whose been following my posts twin b has had issues all along and has been closely monitored since week 22. But 5 days before delivery??? Shocker really. ... and a blessing she held on that long too because if she hadn't there would be a chance i'd be delivering way earlier than 36 weeks which would totally put my little twin A at risk. Advice from anyone whose gone thru this would be great...and appreciated.
12 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
514585 tn?1328740013
i know nothing can make the situation better, but know that you have my deepest sympathy and you are in my prayers at this time. cherish twin A as the miracle he/she is.
Helpful - 0
372900 tn?1315512302
I have no advice but just wanted to tell you how sorry I am to hear the news.  I will keep you and your family in my prayers.  I'll also be praying that everything goes well during delivery.  (((((hugs)))))
Helpful - 0
685595 tn?1262279076
I am so, so sorry.  I have a friend who had a similar experience and it was really difficult to watch her struggle through this.  It's going to be difficult for a while.  I've really enjoyed the book "Happier" by Ben-Shahar... It's not about loss but there are some good tips in there when you're ready.
Helpful - 0
324913 tn?1302869517
I am So sorry for what you're going through.  I can't begin to imagine what it must be like.  As you say... what a shocker!  But thank God she did hang in there as long as she did for her twin's sake.
As for whether to see her or not... of course only you can decide this but hard as I am sure it would be (and that is clearly putting it ridiculously mildly), I think that maybe I'd want to see her... for the closure.  I think I'd be afraid that if I didn't I would one day regret it.  And I also think I would feel, as her mother, I had to be a 'witness' if you know what I mean. But that's just me and it's obviously a very personal thing.

Helpful - 0
215752 tn?1278004771
I am really sorry this had happened.Nothing can ease your pain.But you must be strong for your other baby.God bless you all
Helpful - 0
449498 tn?1338772039
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry! I know exactly what you are going through! :( I also lost a baby girl at 36 weeks due to a knot in her cord! It is the hardest thing we've ever had to go through, and nothing will ever take your mind off your lost baby! My little girl would've been 17 months this month, and it still breaks my heart to know that she's not here with me.  After we delivered her, they let us keep her in the room with us for 8 hours, and once they took her away, it was torture without her! It was like I was fine while I was holding her, b/c she was WITH me, ya know? Even though she wasn't alive, it just looked like she was sleeping and she was just so beautiful! We got a lot of pictures, and I really recommend you take pictures of your angel! You will regret it later if you don't. Once they took her from us, I was sooo sad but I knew I'd be seeing her again at the funeral. So 3 long days later, we had her funeral  and I got to hold my sweet angel again, and it just completed me! It was exactly what I needed! It's now, when I don't have her, that it's hard! I go to the cemetary all the time and take care of her little area, because that's how I feel I can take care of her until we're together again. The grieving is the hardest part, and everyone will grieve differently in this kind of situation. If you ever need support or advice, anything, please just look me up! I have pictures of our sweet Kayln on my profile when she was born, and also pictures of her little area now. I don't know if it will be too hard for you to look at them, but you can, ok? Just know that God is with you! And your sweet angel is being loved so much in Heaven right now with all the other babies that were just too beautiful and important for God to let go! Oh, and I wanted to tell you. I didn't know how I would react when she was born either. I didn't think I would want to hold her, let alone even look at her b/c I just knew it was going to be so hard! But once she was out, I lifted my head up, and the first thing I did was reach my arms out for her! It was such a motherly instinct, and I'll never forget the way I felt when I saw her! She looked so beautiful, and just like her daddy! I'm crying sitting here typing this, but it's good for me to talk about her b/c it keeps her memory alive! I just miss her so much! I just wish she could be here to play with her new baby brother or sister that's on the way right now. And that's where I'm at now too, since we're pregnant again, I'm sooo worried all the time and I know I will be until this baby is in my arms and I know everything is ok! Again, please look me up if you need anything! (HUGS)
Helpful - 0
374593 tn?1257879950
i am so sorry to hear this, i wish there was something i could say to make it better! you and your family are in my prayers!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
So sorry to hear of the loss.
Helpful - 0
473246 tn?1293833673
I am so sorry for your loss.  I just can't imagine your pain mixed with the relief that your twin A is still with you.  Luvkayln (post above) is so amazing and supportive and she will help you if you reach out to her.  ((HUGs))

Helpful - 0
494640 tn?1262737989
i have nver had a bfp so i would ever experience the rollorcoster you have and ino nothing i say will make it any better but ur in my preyers and thoughts and cherish your little miricle twin a ang good luck on being a mommy carnt wait to be called a mommy good luck on may 11th x
Helpful - 0
679307 tn?1316913117
So sorry to hear about your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you
Helpful - 0
276983 tn?1308574048
I'm so sorry for your loss.  I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now.  I wish there was something helpful that I could say... you and your baby girl are in my thoughts and prayers.  If I was in your situation, I'm not sure I would know what I wanted after delivering either... it's a situation you never picture yourself in.  
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Fertility and Trying to Conceive Community

Top Trying to Conceive Answerers
5875562 tn?1410898886
miami, FL
4769306 tn?1568490209
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Many couples are turning to acupuncture to treat infertility. But does it work? We take a closer look.
Does exercise really lower fertility? We take a look at 8 common myths about fertility.
Your guide to safely exercising throughout your 40 weeks.
Learn which foods aren't safe to eat when you're eating for two.
Is your biological clock sounding the alarm? Dr. Elaine Brown explains new advances in egg freezing.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.