no fetal heartbeat

[babywant]

I had an u/s on Oct 5th (8 weeks 5 days from IVF) and they couldn't see the heartbeat as they did the week before (it was slow though).  I was so devestated and still am.  Even though we all know that the first trimester is crucial, we always hope that everything will go allright.  I started crying in the Dr's office and she suggested I go on Tuesday (tomorrow) for a last u/s just incase.....what does that mean?  I have a feeling it's just to reasure me that this pregnancy is not viable.  Since yesterday I feel less bloated but no bleeding because of my con't progesterone shots and estrogen pills until Tuesday.  Is there ANY chance that they will see a heartbeat now?  I know that this is such a silly question but there is a tiny hope in my heart that maybe a miracle will happen..?  IVF is so expensive here in Canada (like in the USA I'm sure) that I don't have the means for another trial right now.  I am so hurt that my pregnancy has come to a stop.  I have never become pregnant before and don't know how long the bleeding will go on or when it will start after I stop my medication. Does anyone know and share their knowledge with me?

[izzys_mom]

Ok, I am also sticking my nose into this conversation, I hope you don't mind.
Oct 5th was the end of my world too-we had our 20 week u/s on Oct 4th, and it was our 1st u/s, and my first pregnancy. We had a perfectly normal pregnancy, with regular strong heart beats at all our appointments. During the u/s, the tech stammered something about no heartbeat and left the room, the doc came in and told us our baby had died, and sent us to the hospital to be induced. Our little girl, Izzy, was born the next day. Being in the labor and delivery room, with all the storks and happy new families was killer. I totally agree about seeing all the happy people out everywhere, the cute baby clothes in the stores, etc. It really does feel like PTSD.
Good luck to all of you, we can do it! I am scared to death, since this was our first pregnancy, but my doctor says they'll help us out, weekly appointments, let us take a doppler heartbeat instrument home with us, etc, when we get pregnant again.
It really is reassuring to know my grief and tears are normal. I know the hormonal aspect is an issue too, I had to get over my breasts being engorged, which I thought was a cruel trick of nature. I still cry every time anyone I work with tells me how sorry they are. Some day life will get back to normal. Thanks for sharing the website, I will check it out.

[Jenbug]

I hope you don't mind me adding to your conversation...  I am so sorry for what you are having to go through.  When I read what you said it was like I was writing it.  I have had 2 miscarriages this year- both traumatic and ending in D & E.  My last one was 6 weeks ago.  I was completely shocked at my level of grief after my 2nd m/c.  For some reason it was a little harder because I lacked the same level of hope that I might be able to have a healthy baby that I had after the first m/c.  About a week after the D & E, I went on a crying jag that lasted about 4-5 days.  I literally cried for hours. Sometimes I would wake up at 3 a.m. crying.   I just walked around crying all day.  I still had to get groceries and stuff.  I would just go to the store and walk around in tears.  I felt like I had post traumatic stress syndrome or something.  Because every time I would see a mom and her baby, a car seat in someone's car or a pregnant baby I would get worse.  Going to the doctor's office was the worst.  There were so many big fat pregnant ladies.  And when I heard the cry of a newborn...I lost it.

Over the course of the last few weeks I have gradually gotten better and I am not so sensitive about it.  I guess right now I am consumed with test results and stuff and pouring myself into researching what went wrong.  That keeps me busy.

A website that helped me tremendously with my grief is called:

allaboutlifechallenges.org  Coping with miscarriage and Life after Miscarriage

It meant so much to me.  I think it was a huge turning point for me.

[nwmom]

Oh gosh, I am so sorry!  I think any loss hurts no matter if it's your 1st or 10th.  It's still a loss.  I personally think that with time your heart starts to heal although (at least for me) it stays with you maybe just under the surface but it's there. After my d&c 2 weeks ago I felt so devestated, but in the 2 weeks since I feel some sort of hope that maybe things will work out, don't get me wrong, I still have my sad days when I think about what could've been.   I think one thing that has helped me stay strong and put things in perspective is this wonderful site!  The women on here make you feel like you are not alone in this. It helps me stay positive when I hear the women on here that have had so many losses and keep pursuing their dream of having a baby.  I feel that if they can do it so can I.  Hang in there, I know it's hard but things will be ok.  This is a wonderful place to come when you need some encouragement!  {{HUGS}}

[babywant]

It's over.  It's been 3 days since i miscarried (natural bleeding with cramping) so i don't think I will need a d&c.  I thank you ladies sooo much for your answers and your thoughts.  I know I'm not the only one and that so many of you have had more than one m/c.  Does it ever get any easier?  I am so hurt, I still cry every night. This loss is too much for the mind to fathom and for the heart to take.  They say this makes you stronger but I just feel weaker and weaker.  I guess with the passing of time, I will accept it and try again...when we have the means ($$)...miracles do happen, I really believe that for everyone who wants a baby so much.  My hopes and wishes go out to you nwmom, and God bless your lil boy jifnif.
You have helped me so much to believe and to realize that I'm not alone (hugs to you both!!)

[nwmom]

I'm so sorry your having to go through this right now.  I am going through something similar.  I went in for an u/s when I was 8 weeks and saw a hb of 130 and went in for a follow up u/s a week later (about 2 weeks ago) and could no longer see a hb.  I was devestated!!  I agree with you, I thought even though I saw a hb it's still the 1st trimester and anything can happen but I just didn't think it would happen again (this was my 3rd m/c in a row).  They sent me for anther u/s the same day at the hospital to verify (and peace of mind for me) and it showed the same.  I would definitely have another one done to double check and definitely for your own peace of mind.  In my situation it helped that I knew for sure even though I was devistated.  Again my heart hurts for you, I decided to have a d&c a week after they didn't see the hb only because with my first 2 m/c's I decided to wait until I m/c'ed naturally.  I ended up waiting 3 weeks with one of them and looking back it was just too hard emotionally.  I also bled for a very long time with the 1st two.  This time with the d&c I had a little bleeding in the hospital right after the procedure but have only had a tiny bit of spotting since (it's been a week).  Thinking of you and hoping for the best for you!  {{HUGS}}

[jifnif]

Always have hope and faith.  I know you will go in tomorrow and you may or may not have a viable pregnancy but you know that ahead now.  I am soooo sorry you are going through this.  It hurts something horrible.  I can't even describe the deepest ache.  But you never know.  Be strong and know that if your pregnancy has stopped it is for the very best.  I started bleeding w/ my now 1yr old son and thought for sure it was a m/c...I cried the whole weekend and refused to go to the er ( I had a previous m/c at the same time frame and just knew I would lose the pregnancy) but low and behold....the bleeding stopped at 16 weeks and i now have a beautiful healthy 1yr old lil boy.  There was a lot of sadness and trying....i almost gave up after the 1st m/c.  So remember faith and hope and hang in there.  I will be thinking of you.