Venting :(

[newlady2008]

HELLO LADIES, I'M SOOOO SAD RIGHT NOW. I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE IN THE BIGGEST WAY. WE FAILURE OUR SECOND IVF AND EVERYBODY AROUND ME ARE HAVING BABIES. IT'S SO HARD TO NOT CRY, ITS SO HARD NOT TO BLAME MYSELF, AND KEEP ASK ASKING GOD WHY!  I HAVE A BIG HEART  AND ITS BEING CRUSH WITH THESE RESULTS. I EVEN WENT AS FAR AS SHARING MY EGGS AND IT STILL DIDNT WORK. I WAS SO CLOSE THE FIRST IVF WE MADE IT TO TWO WEEKS, I DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK. NOW THINKING BACK WITH FIRST CYCLE THE DOCTOR WAS SO SURPRISE LIKE SHE WAS IN SHOCK. SO WE LOSE THAT BABY AND I CHOSE TO BACK TO THE SAME DOCTOR FOR OUR SECOND CYCLE. THIS CYCLE JUST DIDNT FEEL THE SAME TOUCH TO ME ITS LIKE THE DOCTOR SABOTAGE US TO KEEP MAKING MONEY OFF US BECAUSE I DONATED EGGS AGAIN THIS CYCLE. I'M GOING CRAZY AND CRYING AGAIN JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.  :(

[hopefullmom2b]

all of what i have just read sounds like a broken record in my head...  im 29 and have been trying almost 2 years now.  i have had 3 iui's and considering we live off of a military salary theres absolutely NO WAY IN HELL we can afford an ivf treatment.  this is one of the most heartbreaking things i have ever had to go thru in my life.  like some of you i too remain hopefull... and this has been the first month in a long time that i actually broke down and just let myself cry.  i know i need to be strong and i need to remain positive on this but i dont know how much longer i can handle this.  it actually makes me sick to my stomach to see a pregnant woman...to see a mother hold her child.  it makes me so angry that not one person can tell me WHY... i mean they can put a man on the moon...and they can tell me the weather a week...month from now but no one can tell me....or help me figure this out.  what really pisses me off is ... im a veteran.  i served a year over in that hell hole and i feel that because i didnt loose an arm or leg... im not the vet that anyone wants to help.  no one cares.... i dont have the money to even think about getting the first ivf...let alone 2 or 3... am i wrong to be angry at the people that can?  am i wrong to just be mad... i dread waking up bc i know at the end of the month im only goin to be let down again.  i know that all the positive hope i had just a few days ago will be flooded with hate..rage...sadness... and jealousy ...  thats not ME...thats not who i am.  i feel so alone and so helpless... i feel like a begger on the side of the road ... i look for help everywhere i go and everyone just turns there head the other way.  no one wants to help unless you have the money.   ughh i wish i could just scream and wake up and things would be better...
good luck and best wishes to everyone.....

[Hoping2BAMom]

I'm reading through all of your post and I too know exactly how you feel.  I just found out yesterday that our first attempt at IVF failed.  My DH and I have been trying for nearly 5 years to have a baby.  We got pregnant once on our own, but I miscarried at 7 weeks.  We tried one IUI and it too failed.  We have what they have termed "unexplained" infertility...in other words they have no idea why we can't get pregnant again.  I look around at all these people that have mulitple children and I think, "Why not me, I would be happy with just one God."  My DH and I are good people and we will make great parents given the opportunity.

The only thing besides my faith in God that is keeping me going is knowing that for many people it takes several attempts at IVF before it works and they have healthy babies.  We will be starting our second attempt at IVF in June and I am going to try to stay as positive and hopeful as possible.

For now, its nice to ahve a place to vent to others that really understand how I feel and what it's like to go through all of this.

I wish you all the best of luck and I'll keep you in my prayers.

[newlady2008]

Thanks ladies, for reaching out to me, this is so hard. We are thinking about going for our 3rd cycle but im gonna take a break before i crash. I really wish and pray for ladies going through this because emotionally, its heart breaking. ladies im sending bags of baby dust your way and i pray we get what our hearts desire very soon. keep god first.

[boogie33]

Hi newlady2008,

Im going through the same thing, I just got my results from my IVF and it was negative after trying Two IUI and One IVF , so I know how you feel. I been with my husband for 15yrs and never got pregnant and I thought for sure this IVF was gonna work, im 34yrs old and they never found anything wrong with me. I feel your pain and all of my sister and brothers have kids, but not me! We paid out of pocket too and we dont have money like that and I dont know if I can do It again because we used our tax money to pay for this. I will pray that God bless you with a baby, hang in there!

[wishful09]

Dear Newlady,
I have been reading through these forums for many months now. I have not yet responded to one. My husband and I have been trying for 3 years and nothing. I am also going through fertility clinics and nothing has happend. Clomid, gonel f (which were terrible and I stopped this month) and nothing. I have had 2 surgeries and I still hope every month. But nothing. we are moving to IVF next. I am also 33, healthy person, and although I have cysts sometimes, and mild endometriosis, no one knows or can give me an answer why I can't get pregnant.  I come from a big family and everyone is having kids around me. I have a baby shower or a baptism every weekend. I feel the heart break every day. I am an optimistic person and each month I hope. What is difficult, is that I am a manipulation therapist and an accupuncturist. I have helped so many people who could not have kids get pregnant have babies but I am unable to help myself. I feel like a failure and I feel like I can't go on this way either. This is the first time I have written in a forum to say, I know what you are going through. I am happy for all the people who put in wishful thinking, and positive notes, and tell a story of how this worked for them, and they had this wierd symptom and they were pregnant so hang in there. Unfortunately, I can't offer that. But I know you are sad. I know what it feels like to be so crushed, yett still put on a brave face and keep going. I cannot offer you any advice. But I just wanted to say that I am sorry your heart is breaking. And I wanted to tell you that there is someone else out there, praying for you, crying for you and understands how you feel. You are not alone. Big Hug...