192291 tn?1345400135

another month of disappointment

i got af yesterday..after being a week late. i could have sworn i was pregnant this month...but like always im not.im getting tired of trying after a yr and 4 months...nothing no baby.i thought after i had my ovary removed in jan(due to cyst)i would get pregnant instantly..once again i was wrong and still no baby. im convinced that i will never have a baby bc ivf is way to expensive and i cant take fertility drugs bc im scared they might destroy my remaing ovary\tube.and i dont wanna adopt bc i want my OWN baby.and bc of all this i have depression and im gonna have to go on anti depressants soon.  I WONT BE HAPPY UNTIL I GET MY BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  my doc was wrong..he said i can get pregnant with one ovary...obviously i cant!!!!! and i stopprd beliving in god bc he has not answered my prayers after a yr and 4 months of praying to him about this.if he wa sreal i would have a baby by now. i cant even go out anymore bc if i see a baby or pregnant women i get so mad,jealous and depressed bc i know that will never be me.i have a better chance winning the lottery than i do getting pregnant!!!
8 Responses
195145 tn?1255636447
Breathe... I know it is easier to say "breathe" than to actually do it... Yes, IVF is expensive, but so is a new vehicle... We saved... a little each month... and finally, after YEARS, we had enough.  It took us over 10 years, saving tax refunds, work bonuses, 2nd jobs, etc.!  God has a plan for you... Right now, and I know from experience, you think he sucks and life sucks and on and on... But sometimes, faith is all we have!  You have a strong network here... Lots of prayers and well wishes!  
194033 tn?1230783405
Sorry to hear that you havent been pregnant yet, but don't blame God. Just have faith and it will happen in due time. Remember when God promised Abraham and Sarah a child even in their old age and Sarah laughed because she thought it was impossible? Well they had that baby just as God promised. So keep on praying until something happens! Don't give up hope. God Bless.
Avatar universal
I know how you feel. I've been trying for about 11 months now and am so frustrated that I just dont think I can take it anymore.I had a really bad day today(its already late evening in my part of the world).....was teary eyed all day.....like some dam broke. AF is supposed to arrive tomorrow and I'm not going to do a HPT coz I cannot bear to see another neg result. Hang in there.We are all here to support you....I get mad at God some times too but then I realize that I may not have a child yet(which is heart breaking for me) but they are so many more people much worse off than I am....without simple things like basic necessities like food and water.
Sorry to get all philosophical and it is natural to feel that your problem is the worst in the world(I know I do).
Avatar universal
try to relax honey. you have only been trying to ttc with one ovary since january. i know this is hard but you CAN get pregnant with one ovary and you can also try a clomid challenge test to see if your body reacts well to it. it took us 3 years of ttc to have our baby boy who is now 4. and they couldn't find anything wrong! now we have had 5 mc and still no answers for that. hang in there. it is very discouraging sometimes but you cannot let it rule your life or possibly ruin it. you are in my prayers......God Bless
Avatar universal
you took the words out of my mouth ,everything you said explains how i feel and i mean everything and it is a horrible feeling that i cant get to go away and the only thing to make me happy is to have a baby,if i had a choice of winning 300 million dollars or having a baby i would pick the baby and be poor the rest of my life .i would give anything to have a baby, i was thinking about the deprecion meds myself but i thought i had better do something to get myself out of this because bypolar runs in my family and i dont want that to happen so i am just going to give up for a while,long enough to get my sanity back.  
189192 tn?1261341628
One thing I've learned through this experience is that I can't control it but if I'm not careful, it will control me.  For some reason I thought in life if I did certain things, I would get the desired result. Getting pregnant hasn't worked that way.  I thought, if I did everything I was supposed to do, it would work out, no problem. x+y=z, right??  I've had to learn to surrender to it and realize I can influence things, but I don't have control over them.
Avatar universal
I'm sorry to hear about your problem and believe me I'm very frustruated myself.  My husband and I are both in our early 30's and have been trying for about 9 months.  I always thought that it'll only take me one month and I'll be good to go, but that was not the case.  It also doesn't help when everyone around is having kids and your family members keep asking you when you're having a baby. Try not to loose your faith in God.  I think God works in mysterious ways and it'll happen when you least expect it.  God Bless all the women in this forum that are trying to have a baby.  I woke up dipressed this morning, but I don't want to let myself get to that level.  I will keep trying and see what happens.
Avatar universal
I know that this whole process can be overwhelming.  I have my days to just cry.  My husband and I have been trying for two and half years.  I have gone through two IUIs and starting my third.  A few years ago a friend that has been through all the treatments gave me a verse from proverbs.  basically it says not to try to figure it out on your own, leave it to God.  Now I do get angry but I don't want to have stress make me not get preg. either.  Take care of yourself, I feel your pain.  Have faith, God does have a plan for all of us.  
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