Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

egg/sperm donation

Ladies i'm willing to have a baby no matter what it takes.  Egg donation, sperm donation, adoption.  My husnband on the other had only  wants "his" children.  He says that he isn't ready for that (donation/adoption).  I know i'm younger but i feel old.  We just tried ivf this month.  None of my egg fertilized with his sperm.  We don't know if it's an egg issue or a sperm issue. We are paying for this completly out of pocket.  The next cycle we do ( which would have to be like a year)  I'd like to use my eggs his sperm donor eggs and donor sperm.  If his sperm fertilize my eggs of course those would be the ones we use first and the rest would be frozen.  my husband is not for this at all.  I just don't think we can keep putting out tens of thousands of dollars.  I don't know who is being selfish me or my husband.  any advise would be great.
6 Responses
711326 tn?1297868510
I know exactly how you are feeling.  We've been trying for close to 16 years and after 7 m/c's I spoke to him about adoption.  He told me no right away.  I even talked about surogate mothers and even then he said nope.  He wants his own and even if it is his own he doesn't want anyone else to carry it for us.   I can see both sides of this though.  I would love a child no matter what we had to do to achieve this however I can understand my husband's side where he wants his own to have that closeness and bond.  

     Sorry the only advice I have to offer is patience.  Not sure how old you are, if you have had any m/c's before or how long you guys have been ttc.  Have you did the sperm anaylsis and also used the OPK's to see when you are ovulating?

Avatar universal
We have both male and female factor issues.  this was our third attempt at ivf the first two were cancelled due to poor response and low number of follicles.  this was the first cycle we did and we used icsi.  4 mature eggs none fertilized.  I also understand where my husband is coming from but i think he would love "our" child no matter where it came from.  You can learn to love somebody.  I'm sorry for your losses.  I hope be both are happy at the end.
318181 tn?1336443496
Oh man, I'm so sorry to hear that. I was going to suggest ICSI, but I see you've already tried that. I know your husband said no to adoption and sperm/egg donor, so this might be out of the question too, but just as an alternative, how about donor embryos? I know that doesn't solve your husband's desire for his own child; but first of all, they're already embryos, so fertilization won't be a problem, plus they're much less costly that doing donor eggs or even just a regular IVF cycle (and both IVF and donor together would be very expensive!). And from what I've understood, they try to match you up with a couple that resembles you and your husband. It's kinda like adopting, but you still get to carry and give birth to the baby. Just something to think about...
Avatar universal
I completely understand where you are coming from, because when you want to  become a mama, it doe snot matter where you baby comes from.  Like Heather I was going to suggest ICSI but see that you have tried that already but how about assisted hatching ?  Good luck with everything.
Avatar universal
Assisted hatching wouldn't have helped this time either.  We had no fertilization and that was with icsi.  We have an appointment monday to discuss things with the doctor.
Avatar universal
we went to the doctor.  not very good news.  She said it is either a sperm issue or an egg issue no way to tell for sure.  recommeded egg , sperm, or embryo donation or adoption.  she said she doesn't recommed us trying ivf on our own again.  I asked her if it could have been a fluke with none of the egg fertilizing, after a long pause she said yes it could have been  a fluke but she doesn't think so.  In the car my husband and i talked.  He says he still its ready for donation, but would like to try to do ivf again. i guess i can agree with that.  I know i'm going to try to pick up overtime to try to save money to try this again.  
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Fertility and Trying to Conceive Community

Top Trying to Conceive Answerers
5875562 tn?1410898886
miami, FL
4769306 tn?1568490209
NC
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Many couples are turning to acupuncture to treat infertility. But does it work? We take a closer look.
Does exercise really lower fertility? We take a look at 8 common myths about fertility.
Your guide to safely exercising throughout your 40 weeks.
Learn which foods aren't safe to eat when you're eating for two.
Is your biological clock sounding the alarm? Dr. Elaine Brown explains new advances in egg freezing.
For people with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), the COVID-19 pandemic can be particularly challenging.