Aa
how to move on
How do you keep your head up, paint on that smiley face, move on etc???? I'm not sure anymore. After my m/c i though i was then after finding out my sil was pg i was working on it but now..... I find out everyone is constantly talking about us i cant stand it!!!!!!!!!!!! Checking in w each other to see how we are doing? thats a big mystery for the love of god just leave us alone why can't everyone just leave it its hard enough as it is i don't need everyone talking about me to..........
I just want to scream
I just want to scream
I'm so sorry honey. I completely understand how you feel. The only advice I have for you is to shut those people out of your life right now. I know that they are family, and it's necessary to find a happy medium, but you need to focus on you. Just tell yourself this "I'm going to get rid of anything and anyone that gets it the way of MY progress".
You know, family mermbers say that they care, and call you to check on you, but deep down, i feel that they're all fake. No one is in your shoes, and no one feels your pain except for you. I've even stopped telling my husband how I feel. I caught him talking about me to his mother one day, telling her that I've been holding a funeral atthe house, and this was right after my m/c. So from that day, I tell no one how I feel. When i'm feeling sad, I get in my car, drive off on the high way and just scream. I always blast my ipod too, it's a way of telling my brain to shut up.
My sil also got pregnant while I was going through this, she delivered the baby right before a failed IVF cycle for us too. It was so hard watching my MIL bring over all the baby favorites, chocolates, and gifts. She would open everything and show me, it felt like everyone was saying "in your face", and she knew my situation. Then there was the picture posting, every time the baby would fart, they'd take a picture. And they'd call my husband and say here, the baby wants to talk to you, and the baby would babble on the other end. It was torture, and it still is. I'm living a nightmare that won't stop.
You know what though, one thing that keeps me going...the day I deliver my precious baby, I am going to flaunt my stuff so hard, they're going to keep feeling it for years! I'm going to do everything they did multiplied by 10, and say here you go, you are NOT the last person on this Earth to have a baby.
I'm always here if you need support.
best of luck!
You know, family mermbers say that they care, and call you to check on you, but deep down, i feel that they're all fake. No one is in your shoes, and no one feels your pain except for you. I've even stopped telling my husband how I feel. I caught him talking about me to his mother one day, telling her that I've been holding a funeral atthe house, and this was right after my m/c. So from that day, I tell no one how I feel. When i'm feeling sad, I get in my car, drive off on the high way and just scream. I always blast my ipod too, it's a way of telling my brain to shut up.
My sil also got pregnant while I was going through this, she delivered the baby right before a failed IVF cycle for us too. It was so hard watching my MIL bring over all the baby favorites, chocolates, and gifts. She would open everything and show me, it felt like everyone was saying "in your face", and she knew my situation. Then there was the picture posting, every time the baby would fart, they'd take a picture. And they'd call my husband and say here, the baby wants to talk to you, and the baby would babble on the other end. It was torture, and it still is. I'm living a nightmare that won't stop.
You know what though, one thing that keeps me going...the day I deliver my precious baby, I am going to flaunt my stuff so hard, they're going to keep feeling it for years! I'm going to do everything they did multiplied by 10, and say here you go, you are NOT the last person on this Earth to have a baby.
I'm always here if you need support.
best of luck!
I can really relate to all that has been said so far! Generally people are not aware of how insensitive their comments can be because they have not experienced infertility- but I just make them aware, in a diplomatic way of course, these people need educated! I am 37 and have been trying for a wee one for 3 years now and I have just taken the bull by the horns. I have told all my friends and family and even my work collegues we are having difficulty concieving, and been totally honest about it. I've also said that I appreciate the support I know they are going to give us (a bit of psycology there in the hope they do!). Nobody has had the opportunity to feel awkward about me talking to them because I have been very matter of fact about it and moved on to talk about other things. It's not easy seeing all your close friends and family having babies and settling into family life, I avoid seeing certain people because they are so fixated on talking about their children. It's hard not to get bitter but I think about my fantastic hubby and keep busy with lots of interests (which I sometimes have to force myself to do!). This isn't an easy process but you're not alone there's quite a few of us out there. Keep strong!
I am so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. Truth is, you can't always keep your head up and keep that smile on your face, it is exhausting. You are only human so if you need to break down-do it. Just try not to let it consume you. I know thats easier said than done.
As for people talking about you and checking in all the time. I find myself getting so frustrated as well but I have to stop myself and remember, it is out of concern because they care. However, you have every right to request they give you time and when your ready to talk, YOU will bring it up. If they can not respect that, that is their problem and if you end up not communicating with them for some time, they did this to themselves. I do belive though that if you let them know how you are feeling they will back off-or atleast I would hope so anyways. They absolutely should NOT be discussing you behind your back, I am sorry for this. People are so ignorant and don't understand how hard fertility issues are not to mention getting through a m/c.
Lots of love you way, hang in there
As for people talking about you and checking in all the time. I find myself getting so frustrated as well but I have to stop myself and remember, it is out of concern because they care. However, you have every right to request they give you time and when your ready to talk, YOU will bring it up. If they can not respect that, that is their problem and if you end up not communicating with them for some time, they did this to themselves. I do belive though that if you let them know how you are feeling they will back off-or atleast I would hope so anyways. They absolutely should NOT be discussing you behind your back, I am sorry for this. People are so ignorant and don't understand how hard fertility issues are not to mention getting through a m/c.
Lots of love you way, hang in there
I'm sorry for your struggle and your loss. I too am facing these issues. I've been trying for 3 years and have had 3 m/c. My sister is now 16 wks pg w/2nd child. My last m/c, the due date would have been a few months before her's. I am happy for her, but at the same time my heart break's for my losses.
I'm sure everyone checking in just wants you to be OK. Are they aware you've been TTC for awhile and had the m/c? If so, maybe say its not something you want to talk about right now, but appreciate the concern. If you don't want people talking about you constantly, you may need to set the record straight.
My MIL is always asking "what's new" as if she's waiting for an announcement. She's only known we've been TTC for about a year and doesn't know about the m/c's. So she says a lot of stupid things and seems totally clueless (I'm 41 now and TTC...hello, maybe there's a problem?). In any case I know if I told her straight out she might stop with the comments.
All I can say is...you just do it. You keep living life, going to work, etc. At least for me, that's the only way I can cope. Always in my head is the emotional pain of the m/c's and my sadness 'cause I'm still not a mom, but if you sit home and dwell on it every day it can really bring you down. I do have my days when I totally feel like breaking down, but try as much as possible to be positive and just hope my day will come.
Since you haven't been given the green light to TTC until July, try to take it easy for now, there isn't much you can do, except take care of yourself. Maybe its a good time for a little vacation since no worries about IVF scheduling.
I'm sure everyone checking in just wants you to be OK. Are they aware you've been TTC for awhile and had the m/c? If so, maybe say its not something you want to talk about right now, but appreciate the concern. If you don't want people talking about you constantly, you may need to set the record straight.
My MIL is always asking "what's new" as if she's waiting for an announcement. She's only known we've been TTC for about a year and doesn't know about the m/c's. So she says a lot of stupid things and seems totally clueless (I'm 41 now and TTC...hello, maybe there's a problem?). In any case I know if I told her straight out she might stop with the comments.
All I can say is...you just do it. You keep living life, going to work, etc. At least for me, that's the only way I can cope. Always in my head is the emotional pain of the m/c's and my sadness 'cause I'm still not a mom, but if you sit home and dwell on it every day it can really bring you down. I do have my days when I totally feel like breaking down, but try as much as possible to be positive and just hope my day will come.
Since you haven't been given the green light to TTC until July, try to take it easy for now, there isn't much you can do, except take care of yourself. Maybe its a good time for a little vacation since no worries about IVF scheduling.
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