i feel like such a *****!!!!!!

[babydayz421]

ive just found out that my uncle and wife are expecting thier 2nd baby dont get me wrong i am happy for them but every time i hear that someone is pregnant i fill so sad and depressed, and as asshamed as i am to say it im so jealous whens it going to be my turn????  everyone in my life is pregnant or already has children its getting me so down that i find myself makeing excuses not to go round friends and familys houses like i used to i cant bare feeling like this!! sorry for going on xxx

[Helen72]

You are not a *****.  Simply, infertility is unfair!  Your feelings are very natural.  We all feel resentment when pregnancy comes so easily to other people.  I do hope that your turn will come and you will make someone else feel jelous  :)

[vingulf]

you are not the only one that feels this way, almost everyone around me is either pg or have kids. even my friend's 45-yr-old mother got pg on her own about 2 years ago - naturally, no assistance!

i just keep in my mind what my mom always tells me when things don't happen: there's a time and reason for everything. and i know it is hard to see it when you're all depressed and upset. i've been there...questioning everything. but then, something will click...

hang in there...easier said than done but you're not alone in this...

[Diane1003]

First let me say I am sorry for your frustration. I had a breakdown at a baby shower this summer (a 19 yr old cousin got pregnant - oops) - but I am now so blessed and I fully understand how lucky/fortunate I am. I need to ask - I'm 12 weeks after a year of TTC and two miscarriages -   My question is - how do I tell a friend at work who's been TTC with many efforts and $ spent that I am pregnant?  Any suggestions?  Any comments would be appreciated.

[butterflybabies]

I totally understand how you feel..I try to be happy for others but deep down inside Im so jealous...I just try to remember that I am still blessed with the things I do have and know that someday it will be my turn!! Hang in there it will be your turn to!!

[tricia448]

i think you have every right to feel the way you do...its human nature...you are trying and longing for a baby...and when someone else gets pregnant it is a downer....dont apologize...just try to channel that negative energy in another way...youl too will be blessed!!!!!

[butterflybabies]

Ugh, my best friend just called to tell me that she is expecting!! While I am happy for her, I cant help but be jealous!! She has only been trying for 2 months (naturally)...Im so depressed...I so feel like Im getting my rag!! Please Lord keep AF away!! :(

[ashort]

Your definately not alone.  I was just out with dh and in a span of an hour I heard about 2 different couples that are preg.  It is hard...I just try to think that my time will come soon.  I guess what keeps me going is thinking that everything happens for a reason and their must be a reason I'm not 8 month preg. right now.  

[SHP]

Diane,

I would tell the friend but be sensitive to the fact that she is struggling.  Make sure that you don't make a huge deal about your happiness - also make sure that co-workers don't make a huge deal about it.  Tell her that she is next - that if it happened for you it will for her.  All anyone wants is hope.  Treat her with the sensitivity you would want if your positions were reversed.  

I am not jealous so much for my friend's sucesses but of my  in-laws.  They financially help my 2 brother-in-laws families but won't help us with the cost of invitro.  They are incredibly wealthy and have even given one brother (who works with my husband and makes the exact same salary) a 4000 sq ft house to live in for free for the last 7 years.  They say that they help the brothers because they have children and that we do not.  I am so angry and jealous that they will help the others who have children but have no problems condeming us to be childless.  I am trying not to hate my mother in law but it is hard.   My mother-in-law hates one of the wives and tells me that those grandchildren need a good aunt and that we should be there for them.  That those children are already in the world.  I have decided that the next time she tells me that I am going to tell her that they need a good grandmother and that maybe she should quit traveling all of the time and stay home more to be with them.  They are millionairs and I just don't understand.  They actually like me but they have this twisted sense of what is fair.    

[ashort]

Diane- the baby shower thing will probably be me in two weeks.  My good friend is due the end of Feb. and I would've been due in Jan.  I have to go she has been so supportive of me...but the texts about her baby's weight and who the baby looks like in utero are a bit much.  As for you...you obviously have to tell your friend at work.  Hopefully she will be supportive...I'm sure she wishes you well and also knows how long you have been trying...good luck!

[SDScientist]

If you are a bit*h then I am queen bit*h.  I wouldn't say I am jealous, and trust me I have thought about this a lot.  Hearing someone else is pregnant just reminds me of this very uphill struggle I am in and brings me back to the depression I have to fight every day to keep away.  I am in the same boat, every of our friends has had their babies and moved on to their second in the last two years we have been trying.  We are doing IVF as it is our only option to get pregnant due to sever male factor.  Even our friends doing IVF have been successful and are starting on #2.  I second what Helen72 said...infertility is just unfair.  It is plain screwed (I am thinking of a different word) up.  There have been days where I can't even get out of bed I am so depressed and of course those seem to be the times when someone else I know reveals their pregnancy or one better I had a rag of a coworker bring me her sonogram picture and brag about getting pregnant on her first month trying AGAIN!  She is half way to #2 and we started trying for #1 about the same time.  Not to mention we have spent ridiculous amounts of time and money on failed treatments.  I am not sure how to make this better.  I personally am in a place where I no longer want to here it will happen when its supposed to or eveything happens for a reason, blah blah, blah because I cannot believe there is any good reason for infertility in a person that so desperately wants a baby and yet terrible people get pregnant so easily everyday.  Sorry this is my rant.  Bottom line...you are not a bit*h and not alone.

[ashort]

I think I have to believe it will happen and that my m/c happened for a reason....it keeps me going...keeps me positive....

[SDScientist]

I didn't mean the way I felt was by any means the right or best way to feel.  In fact I wish I still felt that this was happening for a reason or that my DH and I getting pregnant was even a good possibility, but I just can't get to that place anymore.  I really have lost most hope especially since it is never going to happen by any natural means.  It will always take intervention which means I have to be willing to keep trying which I am just about done with.  I have not had a m/c but if I had I think I would have to feel the same way you do.  I would want to believe there was a reason for it.  

[ashort]

I'm not in your situation yet..I can't imagine how I'd feel if I'd been ttc for 2 years.  It's so hard right now.  I admire you for your strength.  Have you done IVF yet?  No matter how long you've been trying it is so hard to hear people say they are pregnant....I would guess that it only gets harder to hear.  I'm lucky I only have one close friend who is pregnant but she's really exciting and I'm finding it hard to talk to her right now.  She keeps telling me how much the baby weighs and about his features.  She has no idea how hard it is for me.  

[ashort]

I'm not sure if I believe it or not but I just got this book it's called, Is Your Body Baby- Friendly by Alan Beers.  I haven't read much of it at all but it's about reproductive immunology.  It's pretty interesting.  In the beginning of the book their is a woman who tries IVF and isn't successful then she sees a reproductive immunologist (someone who works with Dr. Beers of course) and she becomes pregnant.  It turns out that she was having trouble getting pregnant b/c her body was attacking the sperm.  I'm a little skeptical of books that are written by people that seem to be advertising for themselves but I figured it can't hurt to read.

[SDScientist]

We tried for a year on our own and then in Jan 07 we were diagnosed with severe male factor and told IVF was our only hope. We have been cycling since March when all of our genetic testing came back normal. We have been through 3 IVF cycles-2 fresh, 1 frozen all negative.  We just started seeing a new Dr that is big on testing for immunological factors (which Dr Beers is well known for treating) so I am going to get tested, but he seems to think that our issue was the stimulation protocol I was on.  We prepaid 2 more fresh cycles and all the frozen cycles that it would take for our frozen embryos and then I think we are done.  There has to be an end in sight for me or I feel like this roll coaster ride will never end-not to mention the he-l-l it plays with my marriage and career.  I admire you for staying so positive.  It does take strength to stick with this, but it takes more to do it with hope and positivity.  I hope when I start my next cycle some of it returns to me.  
I have heard Dr. Beers book is good and I know there are some women that swear he is the only reason they were able to conceive.  

[Diane1003]

Thanks for the advise.  There is another woman at work who is about 21/22 weeks pregnant and all she can do is talk about it. It's her first and they were fortunate enough to have success on their second cycle they were trying.  At first I didn't want to hang out with her.  I know how it feels to not be pregnant and feel like someone is rubbing it in or bragging - I understand both sides and that gives me an interesting perspective.  I know on a small level the heartache of TTC unsuccessfully and I know that women get pregnant every day - while it is a miracle - I am not the only one and there are other things in life to talk about.  I truely understand how blessed I am and will be living on pins and needles until that first week in July.  I also pray deeply for friends both in my life and here in cyberspace to have their dreams come true...

[ashort]

SD- The good thing you have going for you is your age.  It seems like you really know your stuff...I know what you mean about your marriage and career. I got on here b/c Dh was tired of talking to me about my m/c.  As for my career well my principal hates me and she is causing more stress then anything.  I almost feel if i quit my job maybe I could concentrate more on this.  That's not possible though.  I wish the best for you.  I'm glad to here you are checking out the RI stuff.  I really don't know much about it but from what I've read it makes sense.  I'll stay positive for you!

[rxyrxx919]

I know how you feel!  I am a teacher so it seems like everyone there is always pg... 3 women are on maternity leave and 3 are pg now... baby showers are getting harder and harder to go too... It's not that I'm not happy for them I'm just incredibly jealous and I think  it's natural being that we want this so badly too!  Good luck!

[sunshine1990]

You are not alone.  I can totally relate to how you feel. My cousin just had her 3rd baby on christmas day. I live Western NY and she lives in Michigan so at least I don't have to worry about seeing the baby often.  But I am going out to visit my mom in Illinios on Jan 2nd and  She wants me to stop by and see them on my way out to my mom's.   I declined the invite saying that she just had the baby and the last thing she needs is me and my two little dogs visiting.  When the truth is that I just don't think I could handle seeing the new baby.

Then there is my other cousin whose wife is due in May!!! oh joy.

Life is not fair at all!!!  but we just have to keep  faith that some day we will get the little baby that we so desire.

[babydayz421]

hi all
thank you for all ur support and encouragement it just gets so hard sometimes and as much as your family and friends  try to be there they just dont understand its almost like they tip toe round you, and im sick of people asking me when im going to have kids its always people that have'nt seen me for a while so i just change the subject unbeknown to them its killing me inside and im desperatly trying for a baby,
and dh thats another story i just dont think he understands at all, ive spoke more about my thoughts and feelings to this forum im so glad i found it you've all been such a great support tome keeping you all in my prayers xxxx

[Chrissieanddan]

Do you know what, I feel the same it is horrible going through this. There is nothing wrong with you feeling like this it is natural. I have been trying for 6 years & I am 35 now so feel like my chances are slipping away fast. I run my own business I have a beauty salon & so many of my clients tell me how they are trying for a baby then the next thing they are pregnant. Its harsh I try not to let it take over my life but inside feel like a failure. I want you to know your not alone, try & chill out and relax. I really hope its your turn soon.

[babydayz421]

thankyou so much, having a bad day today even just reading your post has made me cry im an emotional wreck... its like you no when your upset and trying to hold it all together and someone says something nice to you and thats it your in tears i keep having days like this and its horrible sometimes dh comes in and says why you crying and im like i dont know i fill  so stupid writing this but its how im feel!! xx

[ashort]

rxyrxx-  Yeah, I know what you mean.  Their is a preg. teacher at my school who knows I'm TTC and isn't in the least bit sympathetic.  She even interrupted a faculty meeting to tell us the baby kicked.  I just wanted to walk out of the meeting.  She's nice but not really considerate.  She told me I'm thinking about it too much....I'm just a little bitter!

[rxyrxx919]

OMG I hear that "I am thinking about it too much" all the time!!! It annoys the heck out of me!!! People just don't understand!  I would probably want to walk out too, that would drive me nuts!  It's hard to be around these situations!  The three on maternity leave are all 3rd grade teachers and the 3 pg are 2nd grade teachers and I'm a kindergarten teacher so everyone there comes up to me all the time saying "it will happen for you in 2 years cuz that's when its kindergarten's turn" blah blah blah! lol... it just gets so frustrating! =)