OH MY GRACIOUS!!!!!!!

[ChronicCaroline]

Hello fellow FM fighters!

Sorry so long, I just want to share my life with FM, and there is a quest at the very bottom too!

I am literally overwhelmed with emotion right now, I cannot believe I have been a member of medhelp and never viewed the FM forum until today! I literally thought NO ONE understood and I felt SO alone since this non-stop flare began on June 1st 2007. I am crying tears of joy as I read one after another of posts that sound like IDENTICAL to my life with FM. I am 27 yrs young and my whole life has done a 180 turn for worse back in June 07, at times down right unbearable. Not just because of pain but because of very very very limited quality of life. I almost took my own life back in august due to SO many personal problems this disease has caused within my marriage, my career, being a mom, or just being who I once was. I hated myself, my illness, and had ABSOLUTELY no one to talk to. I was confined to my house because I couldn't and still can't drive due to pain (surrendered my car). My husband did his best to support me but with the financial stress, his job stress, and he has two kids of his own that we lost a court battle for because his ex-wife wanted to move to N.C.-she won, and it broke our hearts, especially my husbands. The fights were down right nasty and he had tons of resentment torwards me, well, my condtion...we women know men don't always say what they really mean!! It was a challenge beyond anything I had faced, my mom had just passed away unexpecteldly in her sleep and my dad and I (who i was working four years f/t until FM) had a huge falling out and were not speaking at all.

So, I had a husband that was basically not there, no job, no car, absolutely no money, no friends, no self worth, huge bi-polar issues ect. I had non stop unexplained pain and so many other symptoms it is ridiculous. I had the walls in my house, the emptiness and loneliness was just breaking my heart, there was no "better days coming". There was no "things will get better". The day I was so heart broken was when it dawned me I had not picked up/dropped kids from school in over a month-yup! I commenced the big blow out pity party and sunk into bi-polar depressive low hell. I decided this would be my last day on this earth, I had convinced myself I can offer nothing to anyone.

I woke up in my bed where I had fell asleep crying with the full bottle of pills still on my nightstand. I had a beautiful dream about my mom writing on some paper at a table. I looked at her and she smiled at me as she slid me the paper that, I swear on my heart, read "Keep Going! Fight Back! Luv-Mom" that is all I remember, that was all I needed to make me who I am today, ALIVE and a different person internally because I can control that as long as I try. My marriage is completely a blessing, it took a lot of patience, love, and communication but we are so happy. My husband is completely back to who he was pre onset of FM. My children are so good with my bad days and I am patient with them, and I found other ways to be involved in school to satisfy the others I was dying about not doing. My dad and I are talking again and getting along great. Basically, I needed to grow up and quit enabling myself mentally because of being sick, I lost who I was. Physically I am still in the same boat but the weight and burden I carried is now gone, I only struggle with the wanting my entire life back-career, shopping, ect.-that is hard to deal with. It also took my family meeting me half way on many things-especially hubby and he has done a great job!

I have been to so many docs that have said "maybe FM, but i don't know or it sounds like a combo of many problems", wich it may be but FM for sure now!! I am so glad I came across this forum, not glad to know people are suffering just glad to know I am in a boat of many who I can relate to.

Is there anyone who has found a good solid treatment plan for their FM?

I wish all of you the best and the most abundant happiness to come!!!

[ChronicCaroline]

Thanks for your reply, ya know until I read the posts here today I never once heard of Lyme disease even being a possibility. I will definately bring up getting tested for it at my rhemy appt.

Thanks Again:)

[patsy10]

Have you been checked for lyme disease?  It causes all of these symptoms and is often not diagnosed or even screened for.  Some people are diagnosed with FM and later find out they had lyme all along and with treatment they get their lives back.