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Avatar universal

Please help me...

I was just able to read some of the things that other people are going through and you have NO IDEA how it made me feel. I hate that others have to suffer like I do, but I'm glad to hear that I am not alone. I am a young, 28 year old teacher and I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia when I was 17. Over the years doctors have tried many different medications to help with the disease, but when things weren't working, doctors slowly put me on pain medication to help me get through the day. I was in college when I was diagnosed and I wasn't about to give up on my dream because of some disease that causes me pain.  Over the years, the pain has gotten worse, and the pain meds have been increased. I am now on a Fentynol patch that I change every 48 hours and I am supposed to take 1 500mg vidocin 4 times a day. I am not taking the vicodin as prescribed...I am taking them less. I originally got up to 75mg of the Fentynol patch and it killed me when I didn't change it at exactly 48 hours...when I got close to 48 hours I began to withdraw pretty badly...well I think it's bad I guess. I began going to attend a pain clinic about 2 years ago and started getting injections for my legs and for my back. Many days I struggle to just roll over on my own or get out of bed...physically.  It has really taken a toll on my life...love life...family life...and social life.  Not only has the disease taking a toll on my life...but the medication...the narcotics. I don't WANT to be on them...actually..I would do ANYTHING to get off of them. SOME times I worry that the withdraw symptoms are worse than the Fibromyalgia pain.  I do have very severe Fibro pain, but now that my body has become more and more immune to the drugs over the years, my body needs more drugs to keep the withdraw symptoms from getting so bad. I feel like I DO need the drugs to continue to work everyday. I am now a special education teacher and I run ALL day long. I am on my feet all day long. Some days I just struggle to take a couple more steps to my car at the end of the day. Sometimes I have to nap in my car once I pull into my home b/c I don't have enough energy to get out of the car and make my way into the back door. How pathetic. I'm exhausted all the time and I worry that things have just gotten worse over the years. I do think the Fibro is bad and I do have other medical problems that they can't seem to put their fingers on. I have been thru tests after tests and have doctors claiming that they think that "maybe" it's not Fibro after all. I have been tested for many things that can cause the pain that I go through. Some days I can't even be touched without crying out in pain. It can get really bad.  I worry so much that I have gotten worse b/c of the pain meds they have me on. The withdraw can get so bad. I begin shaking badly, I start getting goosebumbs while I'm sweating like crazy, my skin just feels like it's crawling, it is VERY painful. I'm sure everyone who feels withdraw goes through this, but when I go through it, sometimes it feels like I WANT the world to in. I wouldn't consider myself a depressed person...but I do think that anyone who has chronic pain like I do and an addiction to pain meds may sometimes pray that it would all end soon.  I found out this week that my best friend bought a ring to propose to me. He wants to marry, have children, and have a long life together....but the disease part of my life makes me think that I can't get married and have children. I don't want to drag someone into a life like this if they don't have to. I hate for him to watch me suffer.  I can't have children on drugs like these...I worry that I can't even take care of a child with the pain that I am. I now have 2 masters degrees and a good job...but I worry that I won't keep my job because of the disease and the toll it's taken on my life. Does anyone have suggestions for me? Should I go through detox and get off the meds? And if I do get off the meds, what should I do to get by with the severe pain that I do have from the disease. It has gotten a lot worse over the years and I want to get my life back.  Help?
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1544693 tn?1294187071
I have been in the classroom for 17 years.  The best thing I ever did was go see a rhuematologist.  I was taking 14 pills at night, 8 in the morning.  I was on sleeping pills, Adderal, I was late for school, I could not stay awake during the day.  When I went to see Dr. K, he took me off everything except for Cymbalta, Synthroid (for thyroid), and Lisinopril(high blood pressure).  I went to get a sleep study done.  I new sleep with a bi pap machine at night.  I am able to function again!  I still have bad days, but I deal with it fairly well.  I still have days when I can't get up, but they are fewer and farther between.  Check on a different dr.  It sounds like you are like I was!
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Avatar universal
Oh sweetheart, I read your story and it breaks my heart.  I know how debilitating the pain can be and to be so young...it's devastating!  If you were older and had kids and was already married, than in my mind it wouldn't be such a big deal to be addicted to pain medicine but you're so young and have a whole life ahead of you.  My suggestion would be to get the detox and see if you can deal with it one day at a time.  There are new medications coming on the market everyday for fibromyalgia pain which helps some people.  You could detox and try these.  Worse case scenario, it doesn't work and you end up where you are today.  But not trying can cause you to miss out on a wonderful life of marriage, kids and a great career.  You have a lot going for you and you've worked so hard to get where you are today.  Fight this horrible disease and don't let it rule your life.  Get the detox, try the new meds, exercise lightly and take vitamin supplements everyday.  If it doesn't work than all you had to lose was a few months of pain and the effort of trying. Good luck and if you ever need anyone to talk to, you can pm me anytime.  Just don't give up and remember, you're not alone!
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