I can't stop!!

[Pikachu_perfect]

I started picking at my skin when I was three and started eating them when I was four. At seven I liked the sight of blood and started having it daily. I'm 17 almost 18 years old. I also started harming myself at age eleven with an additional eating disorder and thirteen when I started cutting (or puncturing actually) and twelve when starting to think about suicide. This has gone for so many years when I started almost 15 years ago, yet when people saw it in my family (my mother, step-sister, and step-father) they did nothing about it, even when I got in trouble for it at school at age fifteen and got sent home. I also got yelled at. Since also having Autism, it makes it worse because I hate loud noises. I started cutting because of my family.

I suffer from major depression and-sadly-started cutting myself again. Right now I'm in foster care but since I've been doing it for so long that even after going to the hospital twice I can't stop hurting myself nor eating my own skin. I tried the rubber band, the medication, the writing, the drawing...I tried everything that I imagined that would cure me. I'm even in therapy now but even it doesn't help. Everyone keeps saying that I didn't but I believe that I had. I looked and looked and looked all around for answers but I feel so lost.

I'm afraid that if anyone knows that I'm cutting right now that I would be permanently be in the hospital. I have so many things to do as well (they aren't stressing me out or anything). It started out with a simple time picking at the scab because it looked cool to now. It's to the point where I can't feel pain when doing anything, like when I accidentally cut up my foot and it was untreated for 10 minutes so that it continued bleeding. And needed stitches, but it didn't hurt because I already know what the pain is...

How else can I stop this addiction and obsession? Can I never stop it from this far? What else do I need to do before I go and be as an adult?

[Josiecatgrl]

I'm sorry dear. You wouldn't be hogging a room - you deserve to be healthy too. You may not even need hospitalization, but you need to be very open with your doctor in order to get the help you need. I wish you the best.

[Pikachu_perfect]

I have both under foster care. I already went to the hospital and it didn't work. I went to two different ones actually, one for three months and one for a week. The medication I'm taking now it Seroquel (night time) and once every other day Sertraline (day time) because I'm transferring to Zoloft (day time),which is the same as my other daytime medication.

I really dont want to go to another hospital. I will admit that if I went to the hospital younger then this might have not happen over and over again, but my parents refused me to even talk to someone because they're trying to escape CPS for abuse. They were afraid that I might tell them whats going on (eventually someone took us away from them anyway. (I dont even know who did, but I'm glad of it even thought I was scared crapless.))

If I talk to someone right now, then I'll still be in this situation. I would be in yet another hospital just hogging a room, which wont be fair for other people who need it.

[xexe]

Hello i think its trichimainia, or something... ermm..
i have some sort of hairpulling one.. and erm,  theres all sorts of trichi i know skin picking and eating is one... im so sorry you have it :(. i really dont have the answerr'  i struggle to much with the hair pulling.. wich gets me down :l make sure you check out trichimania.. and skin picking on google well. thats how i did it.. most of the time they say its mental'' like you can only be stoped by talking to someone.. but its never worked.. :s x

[Josiecatgrl]

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. You say you're in therapy currently - are you seeing a psychiatrist? Please be honest with your doctor and be forthcoming about all your symptoms. There are many medications available and it often takes several trials of different ones to get something that works for you. Maybe hospitalization isn't such a bad thing for you. I don't think you should worry about it becoming your permanent residence- It won't. You need intensive psychiatric care. OCD is often a comorbid feature of autism. Good luck to you.