Agonizing over loss of mother

[rparton]

My mother died on Saturday, March 7.  She had been very ill with Parkinson's Disease for years, so her quality of life was very bad.  I went through a grieving process when she lost the ability to talk about 3 years ago and I could no longer have conversations with her on the phone.  So, I thought that when the time came, I would easily accept her death as a welcome relief to her.  But it didn't go that way for me.

I live in Atlanta and she lived in the SF Bay area, so I didn't get there until the last day she was alive.  They had her on morphine drip to ease the pain and help her passing, and she was basically unresponsive - her eyes were not open and she couldn't move at all.  She did squeeze my hand once or twice as well as my daughter's hand, and she tried to open her eyes - got them partially open for maybe 10 seconds...

I guess I'll never truly know if she was aware I was there or not.

She left me a bunch of really nice jewelry.  I keep looking at it, but it tears me up to see it as she wore most of it for so many years.  I don't know if I'll ever be able to wear it.

I guess I'm just looking for some support here...

[rhonie]

My dear sweet  mommy passed away 2 months and 6 days ago. I miss her so very much and still cannot believe she is gone. I struggle daily and I feel so alone and like I am walking around in someone elses body. I can't be me without her, I am Soooo sad and no one understands. I want my mommy back . I am an only child and I helped my mom through her illness and I was there when she passed. I don't know what to do. I feel like I will never be me again how can I ?

[Judy246]

When my mom died July 19th, I wanted to die and be with her. All I did was sob on top of her grave. At night I would wake up and call her saying, "Mommy, where are you...can you hear me."  Interesting that as an adult, I always called just "mom" and after she died, I felt like a lost child without my "mommy". I loss my job, because I couldn't function as a human being. I was a Sales Coordinator and all other Coordinators were way ahead of me and I just couldn't catch up in the fast pase environment. I also have my 83 yr. old who is devistated. It broke my heart to hear my father say, "I'm destroyed". Death is brutal, cruel and cold and has mercy on no one, but my strong faith has gotten me through.

It is still surreal that my mother is dead. I will never be the same...ever.  I recommend that you continue expressing yourself with the  people of this website. They are wonderful and always compassionate, kind words and you will begin to heal one day at a time.  By the way...I had 7 deaths within a 6 month period. I attended a funeral just about every week including my mother and two weeks before Christmas, my brother and wife loss their first baby.

It will be ok...one day at a time. Judy

[rparton]

Hi, Judy -

Thanks for the sympathetic post - I doubt I'll ever be able to think about my mother for very long at a time again without having a "moment."  Sorry to hear about your job loss - that is always so depressing.  I know because I've been there and back.

I've done a little better this week - I had a pretty bad day yesterday, though.  It was the worst by far since I've been back at work.  

[Judy246]

I miss going to my mom with my silly problems. When I loss my job recently, I felt so loss, because I had none to just talk to about how awful I was feeling and concerns. I went to the cemetery, literally sat on top of her grave and "sobbed". I told her how I wish miss talking to her.

I'm finally feeling better after 2 yrs., but I still have my "moment".

I'm sure your mom would be pleased that the dogwoods are blooming. You are an extention of her....enjoy them on her behalf.  Judy

[rparton]

I'm feeling a little better today - thank all of you again for reaching out to me. I was so lucky to have such a wonderful mother...I will never forget all the sweet things she did for me and how she was often the one person in the world I could turn to.

Hope all of you have a great day.  The dogwoods are blooming - Mom would have loved it.

[etaxitpo]

I just lost my mom January 30th of this year.  I know exactly how you feel.  I also live in the Atlanta area.  

[Judy246]

Becky,

If you need to talk, we are her for you. Losing "mom" is life changing. You will have good days and very bad days and it will take a while to adjust. It all seems surreal that my mom is really gone. You are in good company here and it really does help to just talk your emotions through. Judy

[suzi-q]

I am so sorry for your loss...yes,  it is so difficult to lose a mom...I have first hand experience, also.  I also believe that she knew you were with her.  She is now resting in peace.  As far as the jewelry goes, like the above poster said, put it away for a while until you are able to deal with those emotions....You will find that you are going to love to wear it one day, because it is an honor to her...it shows she lives on in you!!!

[rparton]

You kind ladies are so sweet - thank you so much for taking the time to respond.  I haven't looked at the jewelry in a couple of days now and you are absolutely right -  I do need to just leave it alone for awhile.  I'm going to put it in a safe deposit box tomorrow.

Thanks again.

Becky

[Judy246]

My deepest condolences on the passing of your beloved mother. As yourself, my mother died in my arms July 19, 2007 and the experience can only be described as life changing.  You will never be the same, but please rest easy knowing that your mother knew that you were there and bless her precious heart that she tried to open her eyes wide to see you and just let you know that she was aware of your presence and that help her transition to the spirit world.  She is only a prayer away!  It will be necessary for you to go throught the stages of the grief process and it will be very difficult, but with the help from God and one day at a time you will be a survivor.

My mother also, left me jewelry and as Kerry said, I would put them away, until you are emotionally able to see them and put them on. Honor her memory with the jewelry that she wanted you to have, but only when you are read.

Also, one day in God's time, He will be call you home and your precious mother is going to come running from the gates of heaven and be the guiding light and show you the way.

Rest easy, it's going to be ok...one day at a time. Judy

[kerryberry17]

I am sorry about your mothers death. I think your mother knew you were by her side. She expected it, and she knew you would be. She could probably feel your presence. And to let you know she knew you were there, she squeezed your hand. And also, that waz probably her goodbye as well.
I agree with Caroline565, you should put the jewelry away for awhile, because if you don't and you continue to look at it, you will never be able to move on.
I wish you luck on recovering from your mothers death. Just know that she is up there right now, looking down, and smiling to herself saying "I raised one fine child". She will watch over you for the rest of your life, and you will start to see that.
Well, i hope you start feeling better soon,.

Kerri

[Caroline565]

I'm so sorry. Parkinson's is a terrible illness that seems to affect people differently. My Dad had it but went rather quickly. Be happy you got to see her and yes, I do believe she knew you were there. If you spoke to her, I'm sure she heard you and responded by squeezing your hand. I don't doubt that at all.

Put the jewelry away for a while and get it out sometime in the future. You may even feel more connected when you wear it. I know how hard it is to lose your Mother and how terribly sad you must feel right now. It takes time for some of the sadness to be replaced with fond memories, but it does happen. I lost my Mom five years ago and I can tell you I still think about her every day. Mothers are very special people in our lives and it is really difficult to lose them. I wish you peace...