Am I grieving right and how easy is it to carry on?

[August93]

I'm 19 years old and have recently lost my mother. I don't cry often and it's worrying people around me. My whole life has changed and now I think I have to become a different person because so much has changed, despite me carrying on with my studies and trying to keep my regular routine fairly similar. I took care of her a lot sacrificing my own time, which could of been spent with friends. And now I have to get that time back, but what if it takes away time for grieving? I ask am I grieving right? Is it right that I should carry on with my life? And is it easy to become a different person after someone extremely close to you dies?

[nanajof7]

First of all, I found out after loosing both my parents within 11 months almost to the minute apart from each other, there are no rules to grieving, no right way, no wrong way, no you should, or you shouldn't when it comes to grieving. The way you feel, and how you express it, is yours, and no one else's. These are feelings and they are yours. Don't let any one (friends,co-workers and especially other family members) try to tell you how or what to feel. They are your feelings and yours alone !!! After loosing my parents I felt different from loosing my father from  early onset alzheimer's to loosing my mother 11 months later to cancer. With my dad I felt the loss and some guilt ( I won't get into that) but I felt that I had lost him a couple years before he actually died, due to the fact he rarely knew us or my mom, but when he died it was so hard, but felt at least I know that now he knows who we are. 3 months later mom was diagnosed with cancer and died 8 months later. It was so hard, after taking such wonderful care of my dad,and almost giving up everything to take care of him, she finally could live and take care of herself, but it was too late. The cancer had spread so far before she even knew she had it, due to her love and devotion to my dad. Trust me it was a tough year. The one grateful thing I felt was that in almost 50 years mom and dad never spent a Valentines day apart from each other, Some of my siblings felt peace knowing they were in a better place. I felt angry that they weren't her any more. They called me selfish for feeling that way, but guess what? I told them the same thing I'm telling you, there is no right or wrong all there is, is the way you feel and you have that right. God Bless you and my prayers are with you in this most difficult time.

Barb

[TheLightSeeker]

Hello August93.

We all come to experience the passing on of someone very close to us,
at some point of our lives.
Many members here offer their advice, ideas, sympathies, sharing their own experiences regarding loss of loved ones.
I would like to touch upon the  underlying energy imbalance, exasperated by these events, often weakening further our foundation and destabilizing our thoughts and our feelings.

While a reasonable grieving period is considered a healthy aspect in dealing with loss of loved ones, signs of a serious imbalance that may lead to live life from a place of persistent worries, insecurity, pain, isolation etc.
should not be ignored, as this is all unnecessary.

If you suspect that you have a moderate to serious foundation imbalance
and your situation is consistent with what I'm referring to here, consider
seeing a Chakra Therapy Practitioner or Energy Medicine Practitioner,
to help you find balance and harmony in your life, by opening, clearing and re-balancing your energy centers.
This goes much beyond grief counseling.

If anyone needs more information, let me know.

Blessings to all!
Niko

[mammo]

I totally agree with the above post.  I lost both my parents when I was 25, then a younger brother when he was 23.  Then I lost a husband, son and grandson...grieve in any way that helps you cope.  Hugs

[tattoomommy03]

I too lost my mom. It took me a while to grieve. I was numb and still in shock tho we knew it was coming.
Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. Weather its the moment they pass weeks month even years.
You need to follow your heart and your own time. You will know when it is time to grieve and move on...

[mammo]

You have to realize that your mother wants you to be happy more than anything, and to have a fulfilling and happy life.  I think what you are doing is good...so long as you have mourned the loss of your mother and not denying it.  We all grieve in our own way, so never question yourself about this.  I do believe losing a loved one can change us in many ways. It may be that you did your grieving while caring for your mom, had accepted it all and as a result you are able to move on.  I feel you should continue what you're doing, but if at anytime you start feeling down or angry for no reason...seek therapy, as this is a sign that you never dealt with your loss.  When people ask you about not crying, tell them they don't know what you do when alone and leave it at that, you shouldn't have to justify your actions.  They mean well but have no idea what is inside of you.  If you're happy moving on then do it!  It's good to be busy and to try and get your life back to normal.  Do what makes you feel best and nobody else.  I'm so sorry for your loss and big hugs.

[August93]

Thank you

[jmarie_d91]

First off, I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Everyone grieves differently, so don't ever let someone tell you you're grieving wrong. My mother passed away 12 years ago, when I was 9, from cancer and fought for two years. My brother, sister and I all handled it differently. My brother took it hard and mourned for a great while. He was 19 as well. My sister was 17 and grieved by herself she graduated highschool and left for the Navy. I was still in elementary school. I attempted to block it out. I pretended she was still in the hospital and would come home later.
So, I have one question. Are you grieving? As long as you don't keep yourself in denial like I did and deal with the pain, either to others or in the privacy of your ownself, no one can tell you how to grieve. Take it one day at a time.