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Constant fear of my other parent dying too?


I'm a very typical 16 year old girl in high school. I do well academically, am very involved, and have many friends. However when I was 8 years old my mother passed away from a rare heart condition that no one knew she had. I had been the one to find her body and at the time thought she was merely in a deep sleep..I have many awful memories from those few weeks but especially that day. As I've been growing up, the hurt without her is still there but I've accepted it. My father had put me into therapy immediately after so I could talk about it and those sessions helped. In my family, we're really bad at keeping up with things like that so I've been attending on and off sporadically throughout the years. The last time I attended, she brought up the touchy subject of my mother. There are times when thinking about it becomes too much and I cry, this particular session had me bawling my eyes out to the point where I couldn't breathe. I haven't gone since and that was last year. Everything in my life has seemingly gotten better this year, but for some reason I've become more paranoid. For example, one morning I had to wake my dad up for something and he didn't answer me right away. I called out "DAD!" many times and after a few times he answered. I began to cry very hard, it reminded me of being a child and screaming for my mom to wake up, and she never did. Today, he was supposed to pick me up from school early and never did. I called him 50+ times and began to cry at school in fear that something had happened. I came home from school eventually to find out that he had fallen asleep. Once I knew he was okay, I fell to the floor sobbing. I don't know why I've become so scared recently, but every time something similar to this occurs I begin to see my father in the same condition as I found my mother. I begin to shake and cry uncontrollably as well. I hate this because it makes me feel like I'm insane! Nothing like this has happened until now..any help or advice would be much appreciated.
1 Responses
134578 tn?1517087675
I would take more seriously the need to continue with your therapist.  Displaced anxiety over such trauma is not uncommon, it sounds like time to get some support in therapy.
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