Wow, where do I begin? I guess the best place is the beginning, but I might have to jump around a little. My dad commited suicide almost 6 years ago, which completely crushed me. I was very close to him and didn't know what I would do without him. I even attempted suicide myself a few months later, but was unsuccessful. At that time, the thing that really kept me going was the idea that I would one day meet someone, fall in love, get married and have a family of my own. That was one of my biggest goals in life, and it really was what kept me going. And it actually happened. The day before the second anniversary of my dad's passing I met the most wonderful man. We met online and spent the next three days and nights talking on the phone almost nonstop. He really was the One for me. We were perfect for each other and we fell in love right away. Since we lived on opposite sides of the country seeing each other wasn't very easy, but after these three days he flew down to me and a month later we moved back to his house. We got married 5 months later. And had 2 kids in the 3 years that we have been married. I won't go into too many details, but here is what brings me here now. About a month ago I woke up to find my husband has passed. It was the day before his 35th birthday and was completely devastating. We still don't know exactly what happened to him. And now I really don't know what to do. I am back where I was after my father passed away, but I think it is even worse. Even though I have the two kids that I know I need to live for, I feel like I won't be able to keep going much longer. He was everything to me, we did everything together, made all decisions together and everything. We had soooo many plans for the future. And now everything is gone. Everyone tells me that I am still young, even his family and I guess they are implying that I will or I should try to find someone else or something. I don't even know how to say it here because I don't understand what they want from me. I really only loved him and always will. Even though he wasn't my first, I want him to be and he will be my last. I can't even imagine anyone else next to me, and I'm sure no matter how much time passes, this feeling will not change. Anyways, I will try to sum up my problem/question. I know the kids need me and everything, but I really feel like I have to go and be with him. I can't be here and do all these everyday things without him. I just can't. I have a list of some things that I have to do before I go, but otherwise I really want to end it all. Thinking about the fact that I don't have too much longer to suffer is the only thing that helps me keep going from day to day. I don't know if i'll be able to go longer than a year or so.