How to cope with loosing my mam

[Mammysgirl32]

I am 32 years old (d.o.b13/01) and have very recently lost my mam. She was the most loving, caring, fantastic woman in the whole world, she was not just my mam but my very best friend, my rock, my everything. She died 4 days before my birthday, 8 days before her 60th birthday. My mam was unwell, she had brain cancer, it had spread from lung cancer which she was diagnosed with almost 2 years ago. But there was a small light at the end of the tunnel, or so we thought. She was waiting on radiotherapy from a specialist unit. It wouldn't have cured her cancer but we expected her to be ok for a while, everyone did. She was doing ok, until that fateful morning. We where texting, everything was ok, then she stopped texting. It was 7:30 am. I was going to her house to look after her as I did everyday, (she had developed cellulitis and was immobile) I was due to leave at 8. Her partner ( a wonderful man) called to say not to go as he had to get the paramedics out to her. I wasn't too worried as this had happened many times. But when he came to my house at 9:30 the news he came with turned my world upside down, she had gone, just like that. She had had a heart attack. I was inconsolable. I just simply couldn't believe it. I went to see her in the chapel of rest, and I'm glad I did. But even now I still can't believe I am never going to see her again. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and stamped on. I have 4 children (14,10, 6 and 2) and although my youngest hasn't a clue what's going on my other 3 are suffering terribly. We where all extremely close. Their pain magnifies mine and I feel absolute useless. I want to curl in a ball and never move but obviously can't. I don't know how I am going to get through this. My partner is supportive but he just makes me angry. 'Things will get easier' 'time is a great healer' I'm sick of hearing it. I just want my mam. I can't talk about her without wanting to scream. I'm angry at her for leaving me, I don't want to be and I apologise to her for been angry. This sounds stupid because I have my beautiful babies and my partner as well as my wonderful extended family but I feel so lonely. A big chunk of my heart went when my mam did and I can't ever see myself getting over it. I'm talking like I'm the only person to have ever lost their mam and I'm sorry for that, I'm not a selfish person but I feel selfish at the minute. I just need her to come back. She promised that when she did die she would come and visit, any believers out there?

[sherbsville]

My Mum was stolen from me Jan 25th. When I read some of the things you had written, you sounded like me. I feel like I'm being selfish too, but I don't care. I just want my Mum, and need to know how to fix it. I wish I could help you, but I'm going totally mental over here. I can't even begin to believe that she's really gone. Every now and then it tries to creep in, and I panic, and just go back to screaming and crying. I'm sending you hugs hun, there's nowt else I can do. I wish there were. Xxx

[Elszelsz]

She will definitely be close to you at times. My Mom has but the more I tell people, the less she lets me know she is around. Pray for Her soul to be at peace and love and enjoy your kids as she would had loved you to do.
God bless you.  And yes, time heals.