I miss my baby boy.

[madilynn]

I recently just lost my son. He was in my belly for 5 months then when I went to the hospital for a check-up and they couldn't find a heartbeat. Immediately I broke down and held my boyfriend for over and hour in the doctor office. It seems like everyone has moved on and forgot all about my baby. Except for me. It seems like everything is getting worse. At night I hold my belly and cry just wishing that he was in there. I just wish I could go back and do something different so I could have had more time with my son. Is there anything I can do to help me get through my loss? When I talk about what I'm going through it just feels like I'm annoying everyone with being sad. Please help. And if anyone has went through a similar situation, please tell me what helped you to move on and not be depressed. Thanks, Madilynn.

[sambo070384]

Thank u for ur kind words i am still waitin to see the consultant, i hope it is something as simple as that,still need answers and time to help me

[KAnuCmEY]

This happened to my friend, they called it an incompetent cervix so from now on anytime she gets pregnant she has to have her cervix stitched shut. unfortunately nobody knows it's going to happen until it can be to late. I am sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine how hard it must be.  Is there a doctor that you can see maybe your obgyn that you can ask the questions you have and they can reassure you that you did nothing wrong? I hope you can find the answers that you seek, and you can come to an understanding that makes you feel better.

[sambo070384]

it took me 18 months to fall pregnant, i was due to start ivf on the 21 feb 2011 but on the 14th of feb 2011 i found out i was pregnant. me and my partner was over joyed my pregnacy was perfect,no sickness,i just felt the same as i always did, every scan was perfect,check ups to,it was all brill. untill at 23weeks and to days i went to hospital with what i thought was my pelvis changing shape, i told my self this for two day thinkin it was me bein silly as my pregnancy was so perfect i thought i was bein a wimp. infact i was in labour fully dilated with no choose but to give birth,my little boy was born naturally and lived for just 26 hours in neonatal care. i feel so empty, my life has nothin to look forward to now, i have photos and a few memorys but my life is now a mess, i need answers as to why this happened,i want a baby but have got it in to my head that i killed my little baby,my partner and me are closer than ever and both want to share a baby but when i need answers and to feel im not the only one in this horrible place

[Baby_Jacks_mummy]

My heart breaks for your such a sad loss so recent. I lost my lillte Baby Jack 3rd January 2007 (4yrs and 1mth ago) my heart is breaking more this year then ever, so i guess your sadness will be like a rollercoaster. The way i looked at my loss was we already had a little girl who was 2yrs and i was so greatful at the time that god choose or baby then our little girl who we had spent so long with then this little baby we barely knew, i always believe thing happen for a reason and 6mths after our loss i was 5 mths pregnant again and my husband was in a very serious car accident and he survived i believe we loss our baby Jack to keep our husband/father, it was hard at the time when we lost him i was 5mths pregnant and his brain was extremely small and had problems so we had to terminate my pregnancy was high risk so i had no choise. we gave our baby Jack a symbol which is a gecko lizard so we buy little things to keep around the house to remind us of him, we also had him cremated ( my husbands choise) so he is here at home with us. We also let balloons go every year to celebrate his birthday. I wish i could help you every step of the way. but i found it easier with a symbol to remember him by :)

[ivy_kween88]

It breaks my heart to read your post. I am truly sorry for your loss ): there is nothing worse than loosing a child. (in my opinion) Nothing worse that waiting for the moment to come and then before it or when it arrives to go home empty handed, with just a memory box and a teddy bear and that's it.

I had a stillborn baby boy July 4th of last year. I was 41 weeks along. When I felt contractions and walked in labor and delivery they hooked me up to the monitors and they didn't find a heartbeat. I knew something was wrong when I saw about 10 or 15 nurses and doctors in the room I was in. I knew something was wrong when I saw the doctor on call tearing up and nurses as well. Then they told us what I already knew "I'm so sorry" at that moment I grabbed my stomach I hugged it and rubbed it and kept repeating how much I loved him, that he had to be ok for me and his daddy, that he was everything we had been waiting for the past 9 months, that he had to come home with us to teach us how to be parents and so on! Then after 3 to 4 hours they decided to do an emergency c_section and at 10:OO pm I delivered my baby. We. Named him Angel Zahir. 7lbs 9.4oz 22.5in long and he was so beautiful words couldn't describe, so perfect and so warm. I was at the hospital for 3 days and I had him with me those 3 days. I gave him a bath, I changed him like 2 times, I gave him like 1 zillion kisses and hugs, and then day 3 came along and it was so hard to say goodbye, to let him go. Although 2 days later I saw him again at the funeral service, I couldn't hold him no more and it broke my heart.

It now has been 1 year 3 months since Angel grew wings and I still grieve, I still wished he was with me, still long to hold my first child. I have learned that 15, 20, 50, 100 years can pass and I will never ever forget my little prince! I refused to go to counseling when I was given the chance to do it. For the past year I have felt like I can't talk about my loss with no one except the ones who have been through it like me! I feel like no one understands or they get tired of hearing the same story over and over again, but I don't! So, when ever you feel like talking to someone here I am! You are not alone in this. If God put you through it he will pull you through it! Have faith and don't loose hope. I'm currently expecting my second child, who is also a baby boy! I'm at 30 weeks 1 day and I'm so afraid of loosing this baby too :/ but I do have faith that everything will be ok. That God and my Angel will help me get through this and have a healthy baby boy! Take care hun and just msg me if you ever need to talk! Thoughts and prayers are with you!

[pb95]

My pregnancy also ended abruptly at 4 1/2 months.  I think Medhelp has been the best way to cope with the tragedy.  It has been 3 months since this happened and most days I'm okay but some I just cry.  I think about it every day and I know my family must think about it on occasion but not often.  So many of us on this site know how you feel and if you would ever like to talk please message me.
Sorry for your loss

[Conrad25]

I'm sorry for your loss. I too have lost a son at 5 months as well as a daughter at 4 and another angel at 5 1/2 months. It makes it extremely difficult to deal with when you have to give birth to a stillborn, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. It's now been 7 years since I lost my son Carson. I held a graveside service and he's resting in what they call baby land. I must tell you, though that you will never truely be able to cope. To this day I still get teared up and cry when I see babies or someone pregnant. It seems that continuing the population is what we are placed here to do and not being able to do so defeats our purpose in this world. It makes you feel helpless and worthless at times, but you just have to keep your head up and know that God had a plan for your baby boy as he did my children. Noone will ever understand what you are going through. I coukd say that I know, but everyone has their own way of dealing with the loss of an angel. I will tell you to call your local hospital and find out if they have a support group for infant loss. I attended tons of these and it seemed to help look past the void and see the truth of your situation. Most of the groups hold memorials where you'll release
Balloons or plant a tree in honor of your child. It doesn't help you cope as
Much but makes you feel as if there is some hope that one day you'll be reunited for a forever eternity. I hope I've  given you some uplifting info.  Please let me know if you need anything at all!!!

[kersh79]

Hi I went through the same has you, me and my partner loss are lil boy @ 30weeks 5days . I noticed he had stopped moving ,so we went to the hospital on a friday  to check that our lil boy was ok. but saddly there was no heart beat and they sent me back home that same day has they told us they couldnt open the scan room to confirm that my lil boy had no heart beat. I was crying so much wishing there was something I could of done to prevent this from happening. we had to come back on monday morning. me and my partner always talk about our lil boy ( Rhys Jack ) this seems to help us to cope abit, but the pain will never go away but it dose get easier. we loss our lil boy on 28th October 2009.

I am so sorry for your loss x

[mammo]

Hi Madilynn, I am so sorry for your loss, my heart truly goes out to you.  Know that you did nothing wrong, this is in no way your fault.  I lost a son and recently a grandson, and there is no greater loss than that of a child.  Your precious baby may have had something wrong with him, this is usually the case. I know there are no words to ease your pain, but it does get easier, I don't know how or why, just that it does. I wish this had never happened to you, but maybe God took him so that you didn't have to see a lifetime of him suffering from something being wrong.  I don't know Madilynn, but my son and grandson suffered horrendously for many years only to lose, and their suffering haunts me every day.  Maybe you and your son were spared this.  I wrote to, and about my son and grandson, and this helped me a lot.  I know that putting your feelings and thoughts down on paper is very therapeutic.  Make it a tribute to your son. It may help you to get into therapy, and maybe also get some medication to help with your depression.  This is what I had to do.  I don't think people get annoyed Madilynn, they just can't find the words to ease your pain.  They can't even imagine your pain, unless they've been thru it, it is beyond their comprehension!  Just trust that you did all you could and loved him dearly.  Some things are out of our control, which I still don't understand when it comes to children.  I am so sorry,  my thoughts and prayers are with you.  Write to me anytime you need to vent or just talk, I'm always here.  Take care of yourself, and I wish you all the best.