My grandfather passed exactly one year ago today. It was extremely unexpected and was caused by an underlying blood disorder that he had but was never found by his doctors. I was very close with my grandfather and spent almost every weekend with him until I was 18 or 19 years old. I feel guilty because when I visited him during his last moments at the hospital, at his funeral and even today I have not cried and I feel as though I haven't really came to terms with his passing. Most of the time I don't think about it or 'push it aside', but when I'm driving down the roads we used to take to his house, I imagine him sitting in his recliner watching a movie or playing his Nintendo. Even as I think of it now, I still see him there and I'm afraid that it's not healthy to feel this way. I have Borderline Personality Disorder and tend to experience episodes of disassociation in stressful events and I don't handle my emotions the way that most people do, so I don't know if that is related or not. The problem is that I feel guilty because I haven't cried and I haven't accepted his death after a year, but in reality I don't think I know how. What can I do to allow myself to accept the fact that he is gone and allow myself to feel the emotions I need to feel to grieve in a healthy way?