Why am i so angry?

[helpmepls18]

i lost my little boy Jayden by miscarriage in March of 2010. for the first few weeks i thought it was all a terrible dream and i would soon wake up from. well i soon discovered it wasnt a dream. i cried day and night begging God to let me have my baby  back. about a week or 2 ago the crying stopped and then the anger set it. i am so angry at everything and everyone. certain sounds like a paper shredder or someone eating with their mouth open, sounds that never used to bug me...now set me off into a rampage. i will go around screaming and throwing stuff, hitting people and yelling that no one understands what i feel. its like i am watching myself from outside my body. i cant control it. I am angry all the time an fight to keep my temper under control. why am i so angry all the time? How am i supposed to cope with the loss of my baby, does the pain ever go away?  

[helpmepls18]

thank you i will look into doing that. i am slowly getting better each day, it is especially hard when i go to other's baby showers or see other pregnant women. i just try to keep myself busy so i dont think about it much,

[teddybears4ever2]

I have a friend who lost her baby due to a miscarriage.  She made an album on facebook and each day she shares a picture about how she is feeling.  She says it really helps. She has changed a lot and I think that that was a healthy way for her to heal.
Maybe you could try to do something like that and see if it makes you feel any better.  She also has done many good things and has gotten involved in doing many things in his memory, she has started knitting little hats for the babies that are born for other parents.
You should probably try and find another way to grieve, and I do believe that it can be done.  Just remember that even though you never got to hold your son, he knows that you love him.

[helpmepls18]

thank you so much this helped me emensly. i will look into getting some counceling with grievance groups. i made a memorial box for him. i daily write in a journal just to get all the emotions out. i still pray for him everyday and i still think about him every minute of everyday. i have written letters and poems to him. i dont want to completely forget about him. i never want to completely shut him out of my life and act like it never happened. i want to keep the memory of him alive. i just feel angry at the rest of the world for moving on with their lives. ones who were supposed to love and support me, acted like it never happened. no one seemed to care. no one understood and they still dont. it still seems so unreal to me and it happened about 7 and a half months ago. i dont understand why things like this happen but i guess everything happens for a reason right? i dont feel like there is really anyone i can talk to about how i feel. they either dont want to listen, dont understand, or just dont care. thats why i came to this site. i know there are other women on here who have suffered similar things and i can talk and vent my feelings on here. thank you for your time and your concern. it really helps me to know there are other women out there who know what i am going through. everyday is a struggle for me...but i get through another day.

[isis006]

no, the pain never goes away, but it does get better.. in a way.. it hurts, and itll probably always hurt. sometimes counseling helps, sometimes it doesnt. i tried grievance counseling, it didnt help me, but i know it does help for some, its worth at least trying to see if its right for you. if youre like me, everyone around you avoids the subject like the plague, and that doesnt help.. all i had during expecting and then losing my little girl was my mom, and now sometimes i feel like shes acting like it never even happened.. which, i guess is how she deals with it, but i know that when im ready to talk about it, i can sit her down and make her cry with me and be sad with me. i would say i could wonder why this happened, but thats a question i know there will never be an answer to. my cervix dilated, i sat in bed for days hoping my body would just hold her in for a few more weeks so the drs would try to save her. she was perfectly normal, it was my body that refused to get with the program.. but there was nothing i could do, and the simple fact that all the drs i had to deal with were insensitive jerks made it worse, so i spent that time in a complete dream state.. after she was born and i held her little body and watched her try to live and fail, i went home and slept and cried for days. i had to tell myself to stop crying, because all the tears in the world wont change anything. i knew if i didnt stop crying then, i never would. life didnt feel the same after that, and over a year later, it still doesnt. ive accepted the situation, and i accept that shes gone, but that doesnt change the fact that i miss her and want her here. when it all happened, my mom told me about one of her workers who lost a son. my mom said she lost her son like 18 years ago and still goes to grievance groups and stuff.. i worry about being like that.. i think it comes down to i never want to forget her or any little bit of memories relating to her because its all i have, but at the same time, i dont want to be miserable for the rest of my life. i dont want to drown myself in the sad part of what happened, but its hard to separate the good from the bad with this... but you have to find your own way to get through this. yes, it happened, yes its the crappiest thing in the world, no most people dont understand, and no it probably will never stop hurting in some way.. but it wont be horrible forever. remember your baby, remember your experience. its ok to be angry, its ok to hurt, but one day youll wake up, and it wont hurt as much. as time goes by, itll get better. one way that ive dealt with it is, i had her cremated, and she sits on a shelf in my living room. ill go buy a new book for her pictures every now and then, i saw a pretty mom and baby sculpture, i bought that and put it on her shelf. i took a few of my favorite pictures and put them in a frame and hung it on the wall. i think it makes some people uncomfortable, but i dont care. i did it for me, and it makes me feel better.. but try some things, counseling, theres support groups everywhere for this, talk to people close to you.. if youre not much of a talker like me, find a hobby, make a scrapbook, just try something new, because you have to kind of reinvent yourself now.. but try new things, and eventually, you will find something that will help you to deal with what happened.. itll get better one day, i promise you it will. just dont give up, and keep trying.

[mammo]

You have every right to be angry, you lost your son! Besides the horrific pain, anger takes hold as you ask why, over and over!  You don't know where to put this anger, so it remains bottled up and you take it out on anyone close to you. You need to seek help with getting through this time, and I can tell you it does gets easier. But I don't think we ever get over the loss of a child, we just learn to cope.  Journal your feelings, putting our thoughts and feelings down on paper is a form of release and does help.  With help and time it will get easier, but he lives on in you and is always with you.  I know losing a child leaves us with so many questions, pain, and anger which is frustrating for us as we just want the world to stop because we just lost our child and yet everyone goes on with life.  I just wanted to scream at people.  I don't understand why children have to suffer or die, never will.  But I guess we have to trust that there is a bigger picture, and maybe your daughter was spared a life of crippling pain. My son suffered horrific pain for many years, and this still haunts me. I don't know, like you I am just trying to help make sense out of all of this. Please get help, your daughter would want you to live a happy life and you deserve that.  Seek help so you can feel better.  Big hugs, my heart goes out to you.  Take care.....

[AnnieBrooke]

Go see a therapist, sweetheart.  Some of this is hormones, some of it is unresolved grief, some is even grief that was unresolved from something in the past, I've been there, take my word for it and get help.  Good luck.