how to cope with loss of mother?

[leo001]

I lost my mother to cancer on October 4th, 2011. She was an amazing and a brave lady. She battled cancer for almost 2 years. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2009 and got diagnosed with rectal cancer and lung cancer, when she was about to end her treatment for the breast cancer. So she had to start the chemotherapy all over again. Which was actually working and she was getting better, but one day she started getting chills, which turned out to be a  blood stream infection and it made her weak. The doctors had to hold off chemo for a while because of which her lungs collapsed. She was on ventilator for 4 days and then we had to let her go, because her lungs were not working .I have taken care of her throughout her illness, not as much as my dad did, but I did my part. I was with her when no one could look at her because she was in so much pain.
I miss her, I’ve been having crazy mood swings ever since. I can’t concentrate on anything, I’m a med student and I have finals coming up and I can’t study. I need help. I feel so lost without my mother. How do you cope with losing your parent and your best friend? I need to talk to someone. But I have nobody. I feel like imp all on my own, and the only that can help me is me. But I don’t know how. I tried talking to my friends and husband- who lives in another country- but I feel like they don't understand. Nobody does. I feel like they are eventually going to get sick of me sharing my feeling all the time. So I don't talk about my mom anymore. But I feel like not talking about it is not helping me at all. My husband is not here, would have been different if he was. We don't even get enough time to talk. There’s a huge difference in timings. So I don't know what to do.

[leo001]

dear mammo, thank you for reply. I have started journaling my feelings, but i cant seem to write anything positive. I cant write when i am in a happy or in a nice mood. I can only write when i am sad or depressed. But its a little comforting. Also i cant find any therapist here. There are psychiatrists here, but they are only going to prescribe me anti depressants, which i don't want. even if i need them. i don't trust myself with meds these day. I don't have an addictive personality but still. I don't want to take any chances. I tried looking up for online therapists but I cant find anyone good. so i guess I am going to stick to writing and talking to people who have also lost there mothers.

[mammo]

I am so very sorry for your loss.  I lost both my parents when I was 25....I truly understand your pain.  I think we feel our moms will always be here even when reality tells us they won't.  This is a huge loss for anyone.  I don't think your friends are tired of hearing about what you're enduring....they just have no words to comfort you and this puts them in an awkward position....but they do care.  Try journaling your feelings and emotions, this has proven to be very therapeutic and a form of release for us.  Write about all your good memories as well so that one day your children will know what a wonderful person she was. Make it a tribute to her...but write.  As a mother I can tell you that what we want most for our children is happiness.  Your mother wants this more than anything for you now.  Live a life to make her proud so through you...people will know what an amazing mother she was to have raised such a wonderful daughter.  You were there to comfort her when she needed it most, take comfort in that.  She is at peace, no more pain and suffering.  I got into therapy to learn how to cope better when I lost my parents and you may want to do the same.  Just always remember what she wanted so much for you and live a happy life so she can be smiling down and saying "that's my daughter".  Big hugs and take care.