not dealing with sudden loss

[caz62]

I lost my mother very suddenly 6 months ago and i'm completly lost without her she was only 49 when she went to sleep in july and never woke up. I find it so hard as she was very healthy she was at her work that day and never complained of feeling unwell. I can't get my head round the fact she is gone, she was the most amazing person ever. I just don't know how people get through this.
Has anyone that lost there mother so young ever got to feeling normal again?

[suzi-q]

My Dad died in his sleep, totally fine the day before...my mom died 4 months later within a matter of 2 weeks...fine one minute..gone the next.  While is was wonderful for them to go so quickly and not have to suffer, the shock of sudden loss is unbearable...That was 8 years ago...although the loss is always with you, the pain does subside and you will take comfort in knowing that she did not have to suffer...God was kind to her for we do not know why God did this, however, I believe that he saved her from something that could have been much more painful...baby steps and one day at a time...God Bless.

[caz62]

Thanks for your kind message, Thats just terrible what you have been through in such a short period of time. It's good that you have such a strong faith in God to help you through. I've never been very religous but these past few months I find myself being more interested. I've started to attend a Spirtulist Church which I do get some comfort from. I will try to live a happy life cos your right thats what my mum, my best friend would have wanted like you it wont be today or tomorrow but one day.

Thanks again

[caz62]

Thanks so much for your message. What you said about death ends a life and not a relationship is a really great way too look at it, I still talk to my mum out loud just hoping she can hear me wherever she is. I was told that if your unhappy and then it make those in the spirt world unhappy so I try my best to be happy....Its just not so easy but it's only been a few months. I feel no-one understands me the now and my boyfriend doesn't really know what to say, he trys though - I'm glad I found this forum. Hopefully we'll both be a bit happier soon. I'm not a mum yet but if I were I would want my kids being this unhappy so I'm sure our mothers are the same.

[Beachwalker33]

Just like falling in love takes time so does dealing with a passing of a loved one.Just opposite ways of feeling.Love and loss,two parts of life that both hurt.For loving anyone or anything,such as a pet can lead to pain.All feelings lead to pain and despair,eventually.So do we stop feeling,stop loving,stop caring,no we just learn to adjust to our new lives without that loved one that pet,that friend.whom ever.Death ends a life,not a relationship.Remember happy memories and create new one's with someone else,for that will make your Mom happy and God,and most importantly,YOU!Lots of love for I'm in the same place the unhappy one,trying to find my way back...

[Judy246]

Also, my very deepest condolences on the passing of your mother.  She was a young woman, but remember that you are an extention of her and not even death could ever take that away from you. The only person that gave me the strength to survive what I have gone through is God. My mother was very faithful and I learned my faith from her.
She died from respiratory and Congestive Heart Failure. Also, remember that your mother would not want you suffering. She want you to live your life fully, so honor her memory and make her proud....live, live a good, happy, healthy life.  Judy

[Judy246]

My mother died in my arms on July 19th and I will never be the same. She was 70 yrs. old and the grief that me and my family have experienced has been life changing.
I miss going to her when I have a problem. I miss her voice and I just can't believe that my mother is gone.  I had huge losses.  My brother married, a week later my mother died, the following week her brother in law died, the following week my ex fiance's father who I love dearly died, two friends wife died of cancer, two months later my niece's fiance's mother died of cancer, five months later my mother's best friend who attended her wake and burial died, my  beloved dog whom I had for 13 yrs died, the man I thought I would marry couldn't handle my grief and I never hear from him again and loss my job in May....also, my brother's wife loss their first baby two weeks before Christmas. All of the above within 6 months.

I almost had to be hospitalized, because the stress reached a point where my throat began to swell and couldn't cry any more to avoid internal swelling.

Death is raw and their is no way around it.  It doesn't matter how old or young your mother is, the loss of a mother is devistating at any age and in order to heal, you must go through the grief process and you will never be the same.

I grieved so deeply that I went to my mother's grave, fell on my knees on top of it and began sob asking her "mommy, where are you mommy"....I felt like a child who lost her mom and couldn't find her.

I will be ok one day. That day is not today nor tomorrow....one day.

Judy

[crystalhanzelka]

Welcome to the forum,...although it saddens me that you have to be here.  I lost my partner to Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy in May 08.  I came home from work, where I had just talked to her a few hours prior, and she was on the couch and appeared to be sleeping.  She had been cleaning house and doing laundry all day.  I tried to wake her and it took only a few seconds before my world crashed around me.  I have recommened on this forum before a book called "I Wasn't Ready To Say Goodbye"  It is a book for people who have lost someone suddenly.  Out of curiosity, what was your moms cause of death?  I am sure loosing a mother is different than a partner, but I am here if you want to talk.