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Avatar universal

Anniversary of mom's death

It's been 4 years today since my mom passed away.

As if it weren't enough to mourn the loss of my mom, I'm also mourning the loss of my dad who died only 9 months before my mom.  He just suddenly collapsed one day, and even though the paramedics were able to "bring him back", he stayed in a coma for 3 weeks and then we lost him.

I'm also mourning the loss of my twins who were born premature 26 years ago.  They were born on August 24, 1983.  One died on the 25th, and the other died on the 26th.  And then, 22 years later, I lose my mom on August 26.

It's only been 4 years and it feels like it's been 40.  And every year since her death I dread this day; this whole week actually.  My mom died of lung cancer, and I was with her when she passed away and also in the days leading up to her death, so the whole week I am overcome with memories of that time.

My question, or problem, is this:  my husband, who tries so hard to be supportive bless his heart, can't understand why I "mark" this anniversary, so to speak.  He wonders why I don't celebrate her life instead of "making a big deal" over the date of her death.  He was close to her too; closer than he is to his own mother.  But even he acknowledges that he can't really understand how I feel.

I feel like I don't have anyone I can talk to about this.  My two children (born after my twins) are very wrapped up in their own lives, and couldn't understand or cope with how I feel even if they wanted to.  I even try to hide that I'm crying from my family because I know they would prefer it if I just "got over it".

On top of everything else, my daughter, who is 24, moved away to Florida a couple of months ago (I'm in Idaho), and she didn't say goodbye or tell us she was leaving.  So I'm trying to deal with that too...and it's really taking a toll on me.

I'm so glad I found this forum because I feel I really don't have anyone else I can talk to about all of this.
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Avatar universal
p.s. please click on my name "Judy246", so you can see a photo of my mother's grave and my brother was blessed this July 21, with his new baby girl Caitlyn. Bittersweet, that mom died July 19th and her only son's only baby girl was born on July 21st and looks just like my mom.  My mother's name "is" Cathy and my brother named his baby Caitlyn. God bless....
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Avatar universal
How do you get over lossing your mom or child?   You can't. You adjust to what you can't change, but life is never the same. My mother died July 19, 2007 and it's surreal that she is gone. As yourself, I had 7 deaths, within an 8 month period including my brother's first unborn. His wife miscarried 2 weeks before Christmas. My beautiful dog died suddenly of a heart attack, I loss my job and the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, could'nt handle my grief and never heard from him again and here I am. My strong faith in God got me through.

I visit the my mother's grave 5 x's a week and I still can't get over that my mother is deceased. Not one day passes that I don't think about her and I often still cry reliving her illness, hospitalization, emergency room, passing, wake, burial and simply missing my mom. I call it my eternal pain, because I don't want to ever forget my mother, her face, her voice.

I understand and you are in good company her, because only someone who has love and loss her beloved mother and in your case, both parents can understand my pain.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
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784382 tn?1376931040
im so sorry your going through this, your mom, dad, and your babies know that your love them and still have them close to your hearts. i dont think you can ever just "get over it", it may get easier ,but who truly gets over losing someone you love very much?....God needed them in heaven and they are your angels now, watching over you.

try not to stress to much, i know it hard, but you have people here that will love to listen and help with their wise advise.... god bless you and your family

Kristyn
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