Complicated Grief

[henry576]

I think i have complicated grief, due to my complex addictive family history.  My mother was drunk most of my life (but is 180 days sober now).  My brother was a heroin addict most of his adult life.   My father was the enabler, not having enough strength to get the kids "away" from the traumas.  I blame my parents partially for my brother, but blame my brother for his own actions too.  But then i feel guilty about both feelings.   I know its a combination of blame to be spread around, but i cannot even begin to resolve this.

This is HORRIBLE

Henry

[Judy2468]

In order for you to begin to heal, it's time to put your negative childhood and upbringing behind you or  you will never be able to move forward. What is done is done and all we can all do is learn from our past, but don't stay stuck in time. It's time to move forward, by not repeating the past, surround yourself with a healthy environment, positive people and find inner peace thru God. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[henry576]

Thanks


I try hard to find God             very hard.    But i turn the news on and a plane crashes or a child is abducted.  The world scares me..................i just wanna know why.   What is it we are supposed to do...........wait for the next tragedy and pretend to be OK with it?  I try hard but i guess i need to try harder.

Henry

[InYourEyes]

Henry ,

When we blame others we are stuck , you know what I mean , we give our POWER away , try to shift your perception , right now at this very present moment you are in total charge of your life , your are in control Henry . If you stand on a boat and just watch the water you would see wakes left behind and those wakes are your past , they are not pushing the boat forward but the engine is ! and that power is in your thoughts , choose what you want in your life and you will get that ... you're the choice maker ... although there is no such thing as a "closure" I belief we can still move on if we really really want to ... nothing is impossible , if you want to find then even God can be achieved , peace does not evades it , we evade it ... and a lot of suffering in this world could be avoided if we learned from mistakes of others... in my prayers , all the best , God bless .

[henry576]

Thanks

No i trust women more than men probably, but not to any great extent.  I talk to my girlfriend about it a lot.   She listens well.     I'm trying hard to focus on our good memories and let the bad ones go.  Why focus on the negatives, when we shared a lot of positives.   I always seem to regress back top the negatives.  I really have to concentrate on the good in my family.

[Beachwalker33]

Learn from there mistakes,Henry! Trust me you don't want to follow in there footsteps,thinking it may numb your grief.It doesn't work,all the feelings we hide come out in many otherways.Henry your feeling your pain,its healthy,its normal,but if it begins to become to much,tell somebody that you trust.Is there some reason why you trust men more then women?I may be wrong and it really has nothing to do with the issue.In your Eyes can and will gladly help.He will talk on the phone if you want.I know this,because he is a friend of mine and the most sensitive,loving,and understanding man I can think of.So Henry trust him,if there is no one else.God Bless you and grief can make us better and more spiritual people then we ever thought we could be.Some us have never even felt much of anything until we lost someone,it changes the way we relate to everything and everyone around us.Its painful,its unfair,and it hurts.But we will overcome it! I think I'm finally getting what I must do and what I must stop doing to heal,I hope you do to,and pray it doesn't take you as long to figure out as it has me.Take Care,Jen