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Avatar universal

Loss of two loved ones

I am desperately seeking support/experience with losing a parent AND a boyfriend (nearly fiancee, or girlfriend) within months of each other. In our case, I think my father's passing caused my boyfriend of 4 years to simply break our committment (after 4 months of my dad's passing).

I am also dealing with my younger brother's impending marriage. I am trying to deal w/ the feelings of loss of both men,  the rejection from my ex, and then realizing that I will see my brother's fiancee's father give away her hand and dance with her at the wedding. And I will not have anyone by my side - I just can't get over my ex dumping me in time for the wedding to find someone to bring to a deeply personal family wedding.

I have been deeply depressed as of my first conversation with my brother about the wedding - of course, I need to at least ACT happy for him, but its killing me inside. I feel worthless and unloved.

Any life lessons learned from similar experiences or "getting over the hump" stories? My dad passed 6 months ago and my ex dumped me 2 months ago if a timeline helps.

2 Responses
686059 tn?1293837427
Hi, you and I have similar stories, but I has 7 death's in a 6 month period including my mother who died in my arms in July and two weeks, before Christmas, my brother and wife loss their first child. My brother married and a week later, my mother died. He married and my mother was so ill, she couldn't attend and my father and I had to leave the wedding at 10:30 pm, because we had to get back to my dying mom.  

My boyfriend walked out on me 6 months or shall I say, in the middle of grieving my mother's death I was heartbroken and he broke my heart again. I was so hurt at his lack of compassion as a human being. I truly believe he just couldn't handle what I was going thru and it showed his character. It is best that you know what type of person he really is, before marrying the guy and being miserable. I have walked in your shoes and there are no words to describe the painful journey. I'm proud to say, that after I though I was  going to die with so many death, I am a survivor.  

I became so physcially sick after all the deaths, funeral after funeral, that I almost had to be hospitalized, because every time I would cry, my throat would become dangerously swollen.

My advise for you is you will survive. Death is raw and unmerciful and it will test the very core of you faith.  It tested mine, but my mother was Christian and taught me her faith and God will give you inner strenght that you didn't realize you had to survive. I am proof of that.  As for you boyfriend. His a jerk and you are very lucky not to have him you life again. How cruel and cold to walk out on someone who has experience the life changing event as a death in the family. You will experience the grief proces and it's going to be simply "hell" on earth, but it will be a journey of rememberance and you will learn from this experience. Celebrate your fathers life and remember that he would not want you or any member of his family to suffer. I will keep you, your dad and your family in my thoughts and prayers....Judy
Avatar universal
I'm very sorry for the loss of your Dad. I'm sure it's hard and very disappointing about your breakup, and obviously the timing couldn't have been worse. However, if it wasn't meant to be, then it's good he didn't waste any more of your precious time. I say, go to the wedding and have a good time.

Many of us have experienced rejection in our lives and it is very hurtful. What I can almost guarentee you is that some day you will meet someone very special who will love you back and it will be worth waiting for!! I often think of that old Garth Brooks song, Thank God for Unanswered Prayers--I don't know if you remember it. In the song, he meets an old girlfriend and he looks at his wife and says "sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers". In the meantime, enjoy your freedom, pamper yourself and take on a positive attitude. Best of luck!
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