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Lost My 45 Year Old Daughter 10/21/2017. Cannot cope.

She had gastric bypass surgery that went wrong. She ended up dying from septic shock from two liver abscesses. She went into the hospital on 10/18/2017 and died on 10/21/2017. She was trying to make her life better...be healthy and ultimately happy. She lived with me. We were mother/daughter, friends and advocates for one another. Getting past her birthday on 9/15 was hard....very hard. My son is a teacher in another state. We talked on the phone for awhile. My sisters and bothers have been a big help. But I am not getting any better. Seeing a therapist would cost me too much money. I live on a fixed income and Medicare doesn't pay anything. I have tried some online help but that is geared towards the loss of a child not an adult. I feel I am not going to survive this loss.We didn't even get to say  goodbye. I can't take this. I miss her very much. No words can describe how I feel. My son is so devastated that he does not want to talk about it. They were very close.I realize it is hard for people to respond to things like this. I just need to get it out. The anniversary of her death is coming soon. I was supposed to go first. Not my lovely child. How do I deal with this?
3 Responses
1530171 tn?1448129593
Hey Jeanette. I'm truly sorry for your loss.
However, it would  be unfair to your beloved departed daughter, not to acknowledge
that  her passing was not in vain.
You have a mission and an opportunity jeanette to turn this tragic loss  into  something  positive.
Start a support group and become an advocate for  bariatric surgery patients, to  help lower  the risk of complications and death. The risks might be  much higher in the US than here in Canada.
The applicant rejection rate  is higher in canada, possibly because  the system here is public
Your daughter would be very happy if you took on such an endeavor.
Well at any rate,  doing anything  more purposeful than what you're doing now, will bring you at a
better place in your life.
And of course your daughter is already at a better place, were there's no  pain, no suffering.
Just ask yourself, what would she like to see you like. This should be your guiding light!

God Bless,
Niko

Avatar universal
I lost my father last year, so please accept my deepest sympathies with your loss. I know what you're going through. I am sad for you not having the support you need. A few ideas for grief counseling on a budget: do you have access to books at the library? Many have written books on the subject and they might help you? Check to see if there are any free grief groups in your area like at a church? I hope you have a network of friends somewhere. Please know that there is no set process for grieving. We each go through it in our own way. I wish you best wishes and I hope you can continue living your life well in your daughter's name. God bless.
Avatar universal
My 40 year old daughter dropped dead on December 27, 2016. We too were VERY close and did just about everything together. I understand what you are going through. I have a friend who lost their daughter in a head on 17 years ago and she told me that you never get over losing one of your children, they aren't suppose to die before you. My daughter was awaiting a second heart transplant when her first transplant stopped working; I was out of state when this happened so we got a phone call. I can tell you one thought that Heavenly Father put into my mind. He told me that I was only an instrument in bringing her here and that her life was about HER soul's journey back to Him. Those words have helped me greatly. I still miss her every day, the holidays will never, ever, be the same for me again. I still have meltdowns thinking about her and about all of the things we shared together. A few weeks after my daughter died, she appeared to her father and she told him; "Mom's having a really hard time with this. It shouldn't be this difficult." I knew exactly what she meant by those words and had the words: "It shouldn't be this difficult" engraved on the back of a medallion where her fingerprint is stamped, it's on a necklace I wear every day. You will see your daughter again someday, hold on to that thought. Hugs.  
1 Comments
Hi, I know you as a long time member here.  I am sorry to read of your daughter's passing.  That must be the most painful thing I can ever think of.  That is lovely you have special words forever on special things.  As a mother, there really can be no greater pain.  hugs to you as well
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